The Beginning
by Guardian of Jupiter
Summary: Kakashi saw something that night. And his whole perspective changed. ok... now it is a blatantly KakaIru
1. Gentleness

Warning: This story is unbetaed. Fluff and I hope the characters are not too OOC...

* * *

**The Beginning**

by: Guardian of Jupiter

* * *

"Naruto?" Iruka called tentatively as he slipped inside the boy's apartment. He had been softly knocking the door for the past five minutes and being the only visitor of this particular apartment… well, up before Naruto had been appointed as genin, as the matter of fact… he knew where the careless boy hid his apartment key. Once inside, Iruka looked around. "Naruto… Are you awake yet?"

No sounds, no sense of chakra and no sense of human presence at all. And there was an unwashed bowl of ramen, opened carton of milk on the table and no glass in the sight. Iruka sighed softly as he unconsciously brought up his fingers to rub the scar across his nose. Naruto probably had gone training with Team 7 and Kakashi-sensei. Apparently Naruto had forgotten about their little promise to go and have breakfast together. Well… this wasn't the first time Naruto forgot about him.

Ignoring the growing hurt he felt inside him, Iruka looked around the utterly messy space. He softly shook his head in faint amusement. He had just helped Naruto cleaned his apartment last week… with a length of lecture of course.

Naruto wasn't exactly quiet either when he cleaned his own mess; he pouted and was grumbling noisily at Iruka's every order. Iruka, being the soft-hearted person he was, had felt bad of course; when he saw Naruto sulked petulantly, so he threw a small pillow playfully at Naruto. The boy was spluttering with mock indignant and then with a very wicked grin, he threw the pillow back. Iruka, breathless from laughter, declared war and Naruto ran to get more 'ammo'. Then they had laughed and played around the messy apartment. It took some time for the playfulness to end and they had to clean the room again.

Iruka smiled when he remembered that day as he automatically bent down to pick up the scattered scrolls and empty cups of instant ramen. Iruka didn't know why he cared so much for Naruto. Well, he did know that the fact Naruto was an orphan, alone and had a monster lived inside of him. And he knew that the loneliness that he saw in the boy's eyes when he first met him somehow made him remembered his own pitiful childhood. But that supposedly wasn't enough to make him love the boy so much that sometimes Iruka had even considered taken Naruto's guardianship legally.

Iruka didn't know why and he didn't think that knowing why was very important. He cared for Naruto and it was enough. As long as Naruto received the deserved loving and feeling of family love as he grew, Iruka was more than happy. And he knew Naruto was growing up, meeting more people and loving every second of it. As long as Naruto was happy and leading his life in the right way, Iruka knew he had done his job as a sensei and as a guardian.

With these thoughts swirling in his mind, Iruka continued to put back the scrolls orderly. The room was so messy that he knew it would take more than just an hour to clean it. Ah, well… he was here already, might as well make himself useful and cooked Naruto lunch too. If the blonde didn't come home by lunch, he would just leave the note that he was here. He was after all having a day off today.

And of course, there was no need to remind the boy about their forgotten promise. Iruka knew the boy could take guilty trip faster than he could.

Knowing that he was going to be here long, Iruka removed his chuunin vest and took out the apron that he bought for Naruto. Not that the boy would use it, seeing him would rather make ramen than real food. And he set for work.

* * *

"Oh crap…" Naruto breathed when he walked in his apartment. It was dark outside when he finally got home. Kakashi-sensei was torturing them and Naruto knew that pervert-sensei of his was enjoying every moment of their angry remarks and whining. And now, walking into his apartment, instead of seeing the aftermath of tsunami catastrophe, he saw his living space was so clean that he had to run outside to see if he was walking in the right apartment.

Yup… definitely his apartment. But who would…? Naruto walked inside his apartment warily as he scratched his unruly blond hair in bewilderment. He went straight to the kitchen; mainly because he was hungry and there was no need for his stomach to go on feeling empty just because some person came here earlier and cleaned his house, right?

First thing he noticed when he walked into the kitchen was there was unusually large note stuck on his refrigerator, enough for even him to notice. Iruka knew Naruto tended to miss his notes, so this time, he put extra large note for the blond to see.

_Naruto-kun,_

_I came this morning and you weren't here, so I cleaned your apartment, again,I__might __add._

_We've just cleaned it last week! How did it end up like this! _

_How many times do I have to tell you never to drink milk right from the carton? It's really unhygienic… I mean, unclean._

_What did I say about having ramen for breakfast? You must have real food for breakfast and no, ramen was not a real food, no matter what you say. _

_And please don't leave the scrolls on the floor. You might step on them and fall down. That cupboard beside the table is there for a reason, you know. _

_Anyway, I made you some lunch, or perhaps dinner, if you come back late._

_Reheat the food just like I taught you._

_Just don't burn down the apartment, okay?_

_Iruka-sensei._

"Iruka-sensei…" Naruto breathed, confused after reading the note. Iruka-sensei was here? Didn't he have classes to teach today? What was he doing here, cleaning his house so early in the morning? Didn't Iruka-sensei just come helping him cleaning his apartment just a week ago? And… Naruto read further down the note… cooking him lunch too? Or was it dinner? Iruka-sensei can be so confusing sometimes.

_ Wait a minute…_Naruto froze.

_ Oh…OH!_

"SHIT!" Naruto exploded and his eyes went wide with remembrance. He had promised to have breakfast with Iruka-sensei! He had totally forgotten about that! It was all perverted, lazy Kakashi-sensei's fault! If he hadn't tricked him into believing that they were going to do more than just stupid D-rank mission, which that was exactly what they were doing today, he wouldn't have gotten so damn excited and forgot about his promise with Iruka-sensei!

And to think it was he who was whining to Iruka-sensei about not be able to see his favorite sensei much lately and demanded to have breakfast with Iruka-sensei! Ohhh… Iruka-sensei was going to be so mad at him…

Guilt ran a hundred miles per second. Panic and insecurity set in like whirlwind. And then he remembered what Sakura-chan had said… It made his fear doubled.

Naruto wanted to go to his sensei's house and asked for his forgiveness. What if Iruka-sensei was so mad at him that he didn't want to see him! What if Iruka-sensei didn't want to take him out for ramen anymore! What if Iruka-sensei was cooking his last meal… that this would be the last time Iruka-sensei ever come to his apartment? It was the second time he forgot… wait… was it third time? He couldn't remember but Iruka-sensei always smiled that gentle smile of his and tousled playfully his hair, saying he didn't mind. What if Iruka-sensei stopped tousling with his hair?

Or… a horrible, horrible thought popped out.

…Or what if Iruka-sensei wouldn't let him hugged him anymore? Naruto's face went white with fear at that very possibility.

He was irrational and senseless and stupid as he ran out from his apartment, leaving it wide opened and ran, ran toward his sensei's house. Naruto suddenly felt six years old again, before Iruka-sensei came and approached him and gave him his smile. The same darkness started to consume him fast and as he ran, he felt tears built up in his eyes.

He didn't want to be alone anymore! Now that he had felt Iruka-sensei's familial love, Naruto didn't want to lose it! His heart gave a tight squeeze and the tears spilled already. Iruka-sensei was going to be so angry! Naruto wanted to hug his gentle sensei and say how sorry he was! Then, then he would smack Kakashi-sensei too for making him forget and told Kakashi-sensei to apologize to Iruka-sensei! His feet ran faster.

* * *

Kakashi was on his way home. His posture was languid; every muscle was flashing the 'lazy' word every time he moved. For once, Icha Icha Paradise was no where in sight. Probably because it was dark and even a genius cannot read in the dark. But no matter, he was in a very good mood. He had spent nearly twelve hours torturing his cute students, enjoying every curse (that would be Naruto), every grunt (ah… the ever 'wordy' Sasuke, very eloquent in using his extensive vocabulary) and every shout, both inner and outer (only Sakura would have two minds… really twisted…).

As he jumped effortlessly from one rooftop to another, looking up at the dark sky, he heard very loud running steps on the street. He stopped immediately and remained where he was, no even bothering to hide his presence because whoever made that loud noise, definitely not a ninja. So, Kakashi just stood where he stopped and with both hands in his pockets, head tilted a little to the side, bland expression and all, he waited.

Not much longer later, he saw a flash of orange and blond, running fast like his life depending on it. _…It's Naruto…_ Kakashi realized and one pale dark eyebrow rose in puzzlement. Where did that boy want to go at this time…hmm? He seemed energetic enough. And to think just now, the very same boy was whining about tired and hungry and sleepy and… well, he wasn't going to repeat all of Naruto's excuses. He could use this next time Naruto was whining…

As Naruto ran closer, oblivious of Kakashi presence, Kakashi's eyebrows drew close in concern at the boy's expression. He looked panic, very, very distraught and was already crying. Did something happen? He had never seen that kind of expression on Naruto's usual happy face. Naruto didn't even felt his presence nearby even though Kakashi didn't hide his chakra. It proved how disturbed the boy was.

Kakashi watched Naruto passed below him with no intention of slowing down. After a while, Kakashi sighed and followed Naruto.

He had to make sure Naruto didn't do anything stupid. With that level of intelligence of Naruto's, Kakashi couldn't take any chance. If something happened, Iruka-sensei would do much more than just glared and shouted at him. Oh no… an angry chuunin like Iruka-sensei was not very pleasant person to deal with.

_ Where are you going Naruto?_ Kakashi thought as he ran after Naruto.

* * *

Naruto panted as he stopped in front of a door he recognized so well. He had spent nights here as much as he had spent night in his own apartment. Since he had Iruka-sensei, he simply couldn't find the logic of sleeping alone in his quiet and lonely apartment. Besides, Iruka-sensei didn't mind; in fact, Iruka-sensei had once admitted that he didn't like the lonely house himself and always, and Naruto meant _always_, happy when Naruto declared he wanted to spend the night in Iruka-sensei's house. Then, they would stay up together and Iruka-sensei always had interesting stories to tell him.

Naruto felt sobs rising up his chest again when he thought about the possibility of Iruka-sensei not letting him slept in his favorite sensei's house anymore. Or not be able to hear Iruka-sensei's soft, soothing voice telling him stories at nights. Rubbing the tears off his eyes impatiently, Naruto gave in to his hysteria.

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" Naruto wailed like a lost child as he pounded the door. He was a lost child, whom had lost the hand that was always there to guide him. "SENSEI!"

And Naruto pounded the door like there was no tomorrow. It was true, Naruto's childish mind reasoned among the hysteria. If Iruka-sensei hated him, there would be no tomorrow. There would simply be no _tomorrow!_

"IRUKA-SENSEI! OPEN THE DOOR!" Naruto cried, tears already falling down and Naruto didn't care if everybody heard him sobbing like a child. "IRUKA-SENSEI!"

On a nearby rooftop, Kakashi stood, immobilized by the sight of Naruto went hysteria. In front of Iruka-sensei's house. Screaming and pounding as if his life depending on Iruka-sensei to open the door. Crying and openly showed his vulnerability. It made Kakashi realized that despite all the toughness Naruto display while completing their missions, he was really just a twelve years old child. _What the hell had happened?_ Kakashi thought as his one blue eye wide with disbelief.

"IRUKA-SEN…" Naruto's hysteric cry was halted by the sound of the door opened and a very, very frantic Iruka-sensei stood in the doorway. With his hair unbound, his shirt disheveled and his tanned face pale. Obviously, Iruka was anxiously putting on his clothes when Naruto started breaking his door down.

"Naruto-kun…" Iruka looked down at his favorite ex-student, immediately looking for any injuries and found none. Apprehension was filled in his face. "Naruto-kun… What's wro… uft…" Iruka muffled in shock as the object of his utter concern catapulted himself into his arms, sobbing and trembling hard. Iruka lost his balance at the sudden force and fell on his butt, sprawling in the doorway with a very, very frightened and distraught thirteen year old boy wrapping his arms tightly around Iruka's chest. Obviously, Naruto had no intention of letting Iruka go.

If Kakashi wasn't anxious too about Naruto very odd, very out of character behavior, he would have laughed at Iruka-sensei's predicament. With his hair down and face losing all his blood like that, Iruka looked so young and frightened as well. Kakashi considered of helping Iruka, but decided to just watch. After all, as Iruka so eloquently point out, Iruka did know Naruto more than him. And Kakashi stood quietly and watched intently the way Iruka gentle hands wrapped back around Naruto, wisely letting Naruto sobbing and wetting his chest like he was going to break himself.

Kakashi's intense eye…well, eyes now, because Kakashi pulled up his head protector and revealing the infamous Sharingan… didn't miss the way Iruka leaned forward in his embrace, securing Naruto from breaking all over. Nor the way Iruka bent his head to whisper words of comfort to Naruto's ear, occasionally gave soothing kisses on Naruto's temple. Nor the way Iruka so shamelessly showed his love and concern to Naruto in the doorway, for everyone who walked this road to see. Kakashi's eyes grew darker with emotions that he never knew capable of feeling as he watched the unbelievable gentleness of Umino Iruka, calming the hysteric Naruto like a mother comforting her son, who was afraid at the sound of crackling thunder.

Kakashi felt something crack inside of him. And the loneliness had never felt this strong before. He had heard rumors about how Iruka loved his students, even they had left the academy. But until now, especially after the chuunin test, where they had exchanged heated disagreement, Kakashi only saw a very protective sensei who reluctant to let his students took the risks and chances. And now… seeing how Naruto tried to regain his senses and sanity back by going to Iruka and seeing how Iruka comforted Naruto, Kakashi now knew, why even after more than a year leaving the academy, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke (if he ever managed to talk in full sentence) still respected, loved and repeatedly said Iruka's name whenever they compared him with Iruka-sensei.

Kakashi probably way more superior than Iruka and had a lot more powerful jutsus to teach his three students but when it came of living a life other than shinobi's way of life, he finally knew that Iruka could do a whole lot better than him. He had gone through a lot of mission with his three students and from there he realized they had something that he had long forgotten. They were compassion, easy to forgive someone else and they knew the value of life. They opted to let emotions to sometimes rule their thoughts and they were willing to give life a chance even if they knew the consequence of letting emotions involved. And now, he knew from where their compassionate characteristics came from.

From Umino Iruka. Their very own academic sensei who no longer looked plain and uninteresting in front of Kakashi's eyes. _…Stunningly impressive…_ Kakashi breathed. Even Iruka had no longer taught the genins, his presence and teaching were always there.

Iruka was an academic sensei. He should have taught his students about how a shinobi should not at any time let his feeling in control. Shinobi was after all a killing machine; a tool to be used. But instead of following the shinobi's usual way of life, Iruka had taught his students about all those feelings that shinobi should not feel. Iruka didn't want his students to miss the chance to live as a human, or all those little significant things life had got to offer.

And somehow, somehow, Kakashi's respect to the young chuunin grew. Iruka, like him, had lost his precious people but unlike him, Iruka had the courage to give life another chance and opened his heart for someone to fill, while he, the famous Copy-nin, still mourned at the memorial every morning and made up outrageous lies about his lateness. Iruka had been hurt badly before, when Kyuubi took his parents' lives and yet, he still managed to love Naruto.

No wonder Sandaime valued him and always regarded Iruka highly. Iruka was indeed _priceless._

"Shh…Naruto-kun…It's going to be alright…" Iruka whispered as his hands rubbed comfortingly Naruto's back, feeling his heart broke when the boy tightened his grip to Iruka as if he was his last lifeline. "Whatever it is, you can tell me…"

"I'm…I'm…" Naruto muffled as his face still deeply buried in Iruka-sensei's chest.

"What is it Naruto?" Iruka whispered softly. Worries filled in his tone. Naruto had never this hysteric before. And he heard Naruto mumbled something. Something about angry, not wanting to be alone again, sorry and what was that? Iruka furrowed his dark eyebrows, trying to catch Naruto's words.

Patiently, Iruka brought his hand to smooth softly the unruly blond locks, coaxing the boy to lift his face from his damp shirt. And Naruto slowly lifted his face away and looked down in fear of Iruka-sensei's anger. Tears still slowly slid down his whiskered cheeks. Iruka knew better than to force Naruto to face him, so he made low, soothing sounds. "Are you going to tell me now, Naruto?"

"…i'm…i'm…sorry, iruka-sensei…" Naruto said softly, still in Iruka-sensei's lap and still looking down. Iruka-sensei was warm and gentle and he didn't want to lose Iruka-sensei. "…I'm really…really…really…sorry…"

Iruka raised his eyebrows in puzzlement. "Sorry? For what Naruto?" Iruka's hand never stopped smoothing Naruto's hair in his effort to comfort him.

"I didn't mean to…to forget about our promise to have breakfast together, Iruka-sensei…" Naruto bit his lips, feeling tears welling up in his eyes again. "I didn't mean to forget you… Please don't be angry at me."

Iruka's dark eyes went wide and his body froze in understanding. Naruto went hysteric just because he thought he, Iruka, was mad about the forgotten promise? Why now? Why not when the first time Naruto forgot their promise? Was it something he did this morning? Because he cleaned the apartment and made Naruto lunch? Somehow, Iruka didn't think that was the reason.

Now that he had started talking, Naruto could stop himself. "I, I thought you don't want to come to my house anymore. I thought you would not let me sleep in your house. I want to hear your stories, I want to tell you how annoying Kakashi-sensei is, I want to tell you how angry Sasuke make me feel all the time, I want to eat your cooking, I want you to take me out for ramen, I want to play pillows with you, I want to hug you anytime and anywhere, I want you to play with my hair. I don't care if you shout at me. Just don't leave me, Iruka-sensei. Don't let me be alone again. "

Iruka blinked and looked down at the young boy in his lap. His heart melted at the look of big blue eyes, glistening with tears and fear lurking in them as he blabbering non-stop. Naruto was scared. Why? He had been angry with him before. He had even shouted at the aggravating boy. Why only now? "Oh, Naruto-kun…" Iruka breathed. "How can I be mad at you? What makes you think I would leave you?"

Relief began to fill the blue eyes but fear still there. "I…I don't know… This is the third time I forget… And, and Sakura-chan had said something to me…"

"Sakura was there with you before you came here?" Iruka was bewildered. Nothing about Naruto was easy and predictable.

"No, no…" Naruto shook his head hard and his grips on Iruka-sensei's damp shirt tightened. "Sakura-chan told me something about what will happen when you break your promise to the same person three times. She was angry at me when I told her the first time I forgot our promise…"

"Ah…" Iruka nodded. "Well, what did she say?"

"She said that the first time you break the promise, it means you forget. The second time you break, it means you're busy. The third time you break, it means… it means… you simply don't care for the person to make up the two promises you broke earlier…" Naruto looked up to his beloved sensei whom had saved him from himself when everybody else didn't care for him. To Naruto, Iruka-sensei was the beginning and would always be the first priority in his life.

Now, Iruka-sensei probably thought he didn't care for him enough to keep the promise from breaking the third time. Which was totally not true, of course!

"Sensei!" Naruto said suddenly and leaned forward to hug his sensei tightly. "I love you, I love you, I love you! Please don't believe what Sakura-chan said! If, if I already broke three times, I'll keep the next ten promises, I promise!"

Iruka smiled fondly, falling even more in love with the noisy boy who barged into his quiet life. He probably hadn't said often to Naruto, but he loved the boy too. Naruto had made his empty life meaningful because Iruka needed someone to fuss over and Naruto simply loved being fussed. They were perfect for each other, like brothers, like father and son… like family. That was it… Iruka wanted a family of his own; to make up the one he had lost and he had found it in Naruto, just like Naruto had found it in him.

"You've already made your first promise, Naruto…" Iruka smiled as he returned the boy's hug. "You'd better keep it…"

Iruka's smile grew wider when he felt Naruto nodded vigorously that Naruto's hard chin hit repeatedly at his shoulder. "…And Naruto…?"

Naruto muffled the word 'yeah?', still reluctant to let go of his sensei. Iruka-sensei's long unbound hair tickled his face, but Naruto didn't care. Iruka-sensei alwayssmell like fresh green leaves in the morning; his sensei smell like home, like a place he could always return to. To Naruto, Iruka-sensei's scent was what he described as dependable, gentle and loving.

"I love you too." Iruka's eyes closed contently as he whispered the words. Naruto was so lovable. Iruka knew he would die protecting this boy; from Naruto himself and the people around him. "There's no way I'm giving you up just because one lousy forgotten breakfast. Remember that."

Kakashi still stood unmoving from the very spot, watching the whole scene so intense that he lost awareness of his surrounding. His whole concentration was on Naruto, who so shamelessly sat in Iruka's lap, and on Iruka, who loving every second of Naruto's undivided attention. And without Kakashi realizing it, he used his Sharingan to study Iruka's face. Flushed from happiness, his expression was soft, peaceful and the smile never left his youthful face.

Kakashi had forgotten to breathe as his red eye traced the way Iruka's dark lashes shadowed his cheekbone, the way blushes tinted across his scar, the way his lips curved and most of all, the way his ebony hair fell on his forehead and tumbling over his shoulders. Then his eyes fell down to Iruka's gentle hand, slowly rubbing and reassuring the boy… while the other hand hold Naruto protectively. His sharp ears heard Iruka's soft voice, whispering to Naruto how he would never give the blonde up and how he would always try to be there for him…

Kakashi had never seen a more loving and peaceful face than Iruka's face and for some odd reason… he wanted to be the one who put that expression on Iruka's haunting face… he wanted to feel those hands, comforting him at nights when he felt the world was too much for him… he wanted to hear Iruka whispered reassuring words, pulling him out from the dark and hell-deep guilt… and he wanted to do the same to the youthful and vulnerable-looking sensei with his dark hair framing his face like that.

Kakashi had the wild urge to give his life another chance…

The attraction was swift and realization was fast that it shook the silver-haired man from his trance. He shakily exhaled the breath that he didn't know he was holding. How did by just watching Iruka comforted Naruto brought all these feelings? Kakashi wanted to taste the compassion and love he knew Iruka would, could offer. He had seen it and now he wanted it.

He continued to watch Iruka stood and smiled the way Naruto remained clinging to his favorite sensei's waist.

"Naruto, let's go inside." Iruka said. "It's cold outside. You're going to catch a cold if we stay outside like this."

"Can I sleep in your house tonight, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto asked; his eyes were wide with hope. "You can tell me another story, then, then, we can have breakfast together!"

Iruka laughed as he tousled the blond hair affectionately. He didn't realize how significant the gesture was to Naruto that the boy grinned so wide, savoring the moment. Iruka put his hands on his hips, leaning forward; his expression was half-serious, half teasing. "It's that another promise, Naruto-kun?"

"Always!" Naruto said fervently, so serious that Iruka nodded, reflecting the smile on Naruto's face. "For you, Iruka-sensei. Always!"

"Go inside, then, I want to lock the door," Iruka didn't manage to finish the sentence and Naruto had already bounced inside, vibrating with happiness. "Wash your face first and brushed your teeth!"

Iruka smiled at the exasperating 'yeah, yeah' from inside and he turned back to the door to close it. That was when he finally aware of a presence of someone. His dark eyes immediately shot up to a particular rooftop and he finally saw him.

It was Hatake Kakashi.

Kakashi was standing, looking down at Iruka. Kakashi no longer wore a bland expression. Kakashi was looking at Iruka with both of his eyes, instead of one. When their eyes met, Iruka felt a pleasant shudder ran through him at the intense way Kakashi's mismatch eyes looked at him. Iruka didn't think it was anger, nor displeased… Kakashi was just looking at him in such inscrutable way that it was Iruka's turn to be unable to breathe and inevitably blushes rose.

If he hadn't known better, he would think the infamous Copy-nin Kakashi was admiring him. Which was impossible, of course.

Kakashi liked the way moonlight washed over Iruka's lean body. He liked the way Iruka blushed. He liked the way Iruka expressed his feeling just now. He liked the faint lines of gentleness at the corners of Iruka's lips.He liked the way Iruka looked at him. Most of all, he liked the way Iruka just stood there and didn't close the door, equally captivated by him.

_ He had seen it and now he wanted it…_

And Kakashi did want Iruka. More than anything else in this world. He knew Iruka could teach him just as much as he could show the young sensei. And Kakashi wanted to feel again.

Naruto had once told him that Iruka-sensei was his beginning; how Iruka-sensei had changed his whole life. A small smile curved up, hiding behind the mask. Perhaps Umino Iruka could be his beginning too.

So, slowly Kakashi bowed at Iruka and winked at the gaping sensei before completely disappeared.

_ Ah, yes… this is the beginning… _Kakashi thought.


	2. Ribbon

I intended to keep it as one-shot. Now, I just couldn't leave it alone…

Again un-betaed… Sorry for any mistake…

* * *

**The Beginning**

**Chapter 2**: Ribbon

* * *

Three hours ago, Iruka was cleaning his house. Usually the cleaning didn't take three hours. His house was small. But it was cozy enough when he came back home from the long, tired day with energetic kids of Konoha and strong enough to handle the hurricane named Naruto whenever the boy spend the night with him. It was also comforting enough when he lied on the empty bed, staring at the equally empty ceiling at nights where sleep eluded him. It happened often enough.

He had one bedroom; Naruto would occasionally sleep on the floor beside his bed in thick futon, one kitchen and a space that combined both living room and dining room. That was all he could afford with his chuunin salary and he had never dreamt of wanting more. He both ate and worked at the same table. There are three chairs around the table and often, when Iruka sat alone to eat, he could almost hear the other two, empty chairs mocked him.

That was three hours ago. Now, he was digging something inside his closet and so far, he wasn't successful. As he bent his lithe body to get the dusty box that he had somehow spotted in his closet, he wondered how long the box had laid abandoned, unaware by him. From where he was, the box was a relatively the size of shoebox and it was black in color. He reached, stretched out his hand, grunting as his fingers ghostly touched the box. When he finally managed to dig the box out, Iruka let out a triumphant smile.

He brought the box to the center of his bedroom. As he sat on the floor, he took off damped his shirt as result of more than an hour of cleaning exertion and strands of his ebony hair plastered on his forehead, gleaming with perspiration. One dirty hand wiped the forehead, leaving faint black soot across his temple while the other hand rubbed his pants to dry off the traces of sweat before lifting the box lid.

His eyes widened at the content, his mouth parted slightly and he froze.

And then, unexpected blast of memories flooded in, making his brown eyes glazed with faraway nostalgia. Iruka dipped his hand into the box feeling silently amazed and carefully, gently pulled out a long, shiny black silk ribbon with such delicacy. His hand trembled slightly, stroking the ribbon in his hand. Years had not taken away the sleekness of the ribbon as the afternoon sun that filtered into his bedroom made the ribbon looked like polished onyx. The box had preserved the beauty of simple ribbon.

But, of course to Iruka, there was nothing simple about the ribbon. So many memories locked inside the plain ribbon. Sweet memories were outweighed by bitter ones. Iruka remembered them too well and he did not want to remember them. The pain from the surging memories was old and yet Iruka still marveled how much it could still hurt even after all this years.

Iruka sat like that forever; eyes glazed, ribbon lay motionlessly in his hand and afternoon breeze that slipped in from the opened window slowly dried up his damp forehead and body.

He was lost in the past that he didn't want to remember. As his eyes watched the ribbon in his hand, he reached up to his own ebony hair; his fingers tentatively touched the high ponytail. He curved up a small bittersweet smile as he remembered the way the silk black ribbon felt; tied around his thick hair, the way the ribbon always slipped at the end and the way he always felt irritated at the impracticality of wearing one. But he had worn it, regardless of what he felt about it because his mother would always…

_Stop right there, Iruka… Just stop…_

Pain slashed across Iruka's heart at the mere thought of his parents. He closed his eyes, trying to force the images of his mother and father out of his mind and instead of fading away, Iruka could see his parents smiled and in his mother's hand was the black ribbon.

He wished he had left the box untended inside the closet. In fact he wished he had never spotted the box in the first place. Then he wouldn't find the ribbon and the memories he had kept so deep inside would not emerge. Old wounds always hurt the most because they always attacked when one was unaware. Just when Iruka thought he was letting go….

Iruka was so immersed in his past that he wasn't even aware the fact there was already somebody else in his house, that the visitor had already called his name twice.

"Iruka-sensei?" A blond boy with the brightest blue eyes peaked in Iruka's bedroom because that was the only place he hadn't looked. Naruto usually didn't enter this part of Iruka-sensei's house if the sensei wasn't home. He felt that Iruka's presence and existence were at the most vivid here and as much as Naruto loved the atmosphere of Iruka-sensei's bedroom, Naruto respected his sensei's privacy.

Iruka-sensei never asked him of that but then; Naruto loved his brunet sensei so much to realize that without being told.

Naruto frowned when he saw his shirtless sensei on the floor with his head bent; so intent with the object he held in his hand to notice the presence of somebody else in his own room. His eyes wandered at Iruka-sensei's back and visibly flinched at the sight of long and ugly scar. He remembered how exactly Iruka-sensei got that; proof just how much he meant to Iruka-sensei. And looking at the white scar, Naruto loved his sensei even more. He walked toward Iruka-sensei and still, Iruka-sensei didn't look up.

What was in Iruka-sensei's hand? Naruto was so curious, he was practically _bubbling_ with it.

"Sensei!" Naruto almost yelled as he slumped noisily on the floor beside Iruka-sensei. And he saw the object in Iruka-sensei's hand. A ribbon?

"Naruto-kun!" Iruka's eyes went wide in utter startled, his hand immediately fisted the ribbon and put his hand away from Naruto. His heart pounded at the sudden interrupt. "What are you doing here so early?"

"Early!" Naruto said in disbelief. "Iruka-sensei, it's half an hour past noon! I am the one who is late…"

"Is it really?" Iruka surprised and looked up to the silently ticking clock on the wall. The clock glared back at him, confirming Naruto's statement. Of course, Iruka almost never late in his whole adult life and when he did, flushes of embarrassment appeared across his scar.

"Look at that!" Iruka exclaimed as he scrambled on his feet, stammered clumsily. "I was so occupied in my chores that I completely lost the track of time." As words of contrite and dismay fall from his lips, Iruka used his legs to push the box under his bed and reached out for his discarded shirt. The ribbon remained hidden in his hand.

Naruto watched the nervous Iruka-sensei in utter hilarity and he laughed. "Iruka-sensei! I can't believe it! You are late! Iruka-sensei is actually late!" And Naruto stood up to do the silly dance and singing a song that repetitively said his sensei was late.

Iruka's face flushed deeper and he quickly went into his stern teacher-mode. He, then, playfully wrung his arm around the boy's neck. "Naruto! If you would not cease that silly dance and awful song and wait in the living room so I can change into cleaner clothes, I shall reconsider my offer of ramen this afternoon." The threat was empty, of course.

Naruto's eyes went predictably huge with indignant. "But…but that's blackmail!" Naruto spluttered and raised an accusing finger to his sensei. "You told me blackmail is bad!"

Iruka laughed, the previous trip to the past was completely forgotten. Naruto always had that kind of effect on him. He put his hands on his hips and tried to failingly look serious. "I'll count to three!"

"What!"

"Three…" Iruka raised his eyebrow warningly as his fingers counted down. "…two… "

"Fine, fine!" Naruto grumbled loudly as he ran from Iruka's bedroom to the living room. Just as Iruka closed the door, he could hear Naruto yelled at him, "I want to have four bowls of ramen today because you just blackmailed me!"

Iruka closed the door, still laughing softly.

* * *

"Ne, Iruka-sensei…" Naruto started, still lying lazily on the soft, green grass three hours later. He was deliciously full and felt utterly content to lie like this with Iruka-sensei sat not too far away from him, reading book. The wind was blowing softly as leaves fell down artlessly around them, creating peaceful atmosphere. Naruto knew he was home.

"Hmm…?" Iruka lifted his head from the book. Smile graced his face at the sight of sleepy Naruto sprawling on the thick grass with his arms behind his head, looking totally at ease.

"When are you going to tell me about the ribbon?"

Iruka stiffened invisibly at the sudden mention of the object that he had found earlier today. Just one innocence and frank question from Naruto and Iruka could feel the memories that he had forgotten during his enjoyable outing with Naruto flooded in back with vengeance. Swallowing hard, Iruka tried to look as if the remembrance of ribbon did not affect him at all.

"Ribbon…?"

"Yeah…" Naruto looked at his sensei with his eyes half-closed. He was sleepy from the softness of the ground. From his peering eyes, he could see Iruka-sensei was nervous. "The black, silky one… the one you held when I came to surprise you…"

"Why are you so interested in that ribbon anyway?" Iruka said evasively as his eyes went down back to the book. But his attention was wavering.

"You were looking at it that you didn't hear me," Naruto persisted; his body was already turning toward Iruka-sensei. "And you always tell me stories. I'll bet this would be an interesting one."

Iruka was silent for a while before raised a pair of resigned eyes. He could not see the harm of telling Naruto about the ribbon. His parents had been dead for thirteen years; surely the pain of reminiscing would not be as painful as he thought, right?

"I was seven when my mother gave me the ribbon." Iruka hesitantly started, closing the book and curling up his outstretched legs. He straightened his back. "I remembered I was kind of startled of such gift because you usually give silk ribbon to girls. But I just couldn't refuse my mother's beaming face when she handed me the ribbon. "

Iruka's eyes turned heavenward, seeing his mother gentle face among the snowy clouds. He remembered that day just like yesterday; the soft-green colored kimono his mother wore, the way his mother kneeled in front of him so he could reach her, the way his mother smiled when he softly touched the ribbon as if it was fragile… so many things he could describe to Naruto, so many emotions he could tell the boy in front him…

But all Iruka could say was, "I was so glad it was black and not pink…"

Silence followed after that and Naruto just grinned. Iruka, then, tearing his faraway gaze to the clouds to looked back at Naruto. "She said that she had always wanted to tie the ribbon around my hair. Not the rough leather strip I am wearing now, but something silky and soft."

"And I just nodded because I strangely wanted to be a daughter that my mother could never have. I'm my father's son in everyway but when my mother wanted to brush my hair, to dress me up more properly than a boy should, to teach me about value of little insignificant things and things that a future ninja didn't need to know, I wasn't feeling obligated but honored that my mother trusted me to let me fulfilled her desire to have a daughter."

"What did your mother teach you that a ninja didn't need to know, sensei?" Naruto asked as he sat up.

Iruka looked kind of startled at such unexpected question and nearly smiled at his surprise. All these years, he should have expected the unexpected things Naruto had always said and done. With flushes appeared easily, Iruka said, "Oh, things like cooking, sewing…"

"Oh! Girl stuffs!" Naruto nodded his head vigorously and understandingly that caused Iruka's flushes to color deeper. Naruto laughed loudly.

"Naruto-kun…" Iruka said exasperatedly.

From far, a figure was laughing too. He was leaning against a tree; his presence was carefully hidden. His sole eye was admiring the blushing sensei. Shadows from the trees cast silhouettes upon Iruka's face but still, the endearing redness was too apparent for the figure to miss. Naruto was enjoying his time with Iruka and both of them looked peaceful. Kakashi had missed this ever since the night he saw Iruka comforted Naruto. He had missed the gentleness of Iruka.

And now, he was watching that very person as soon as he got back from two weeks mission. How did an attraction grow this fast? Kakashi didn't understand. He understood lust, pain, fear and care. But not an attraction as swift as this. And certainly not to a chuunin that he had barely conversed.

Even though he couldn't comprehend his feelings, Kakashi knew what he wanted. He wanted everything Iruka had to offer. And he had everything to return to Iruka.

"So, what happens to the ribbon?" Naruto asked.

Iruka just smiled as he stood up and walked toward Naruto. He kneeled behind Naruto and put both of his hands on Naruto's shoulders. "We used to have a _grand_ dinner once a week; not that it was that grand or anything but we would always wear our kimonos that night, just the three of us, and my mother would serve everyone's favorite food. Then, we talked and laughed the night away…"

"I used to look forward that night because that was when my father would refuse any post or assignment from Hokage, unless it was really important and my mother was at her brightest and prettiest that night, wearing shimmering kimono with her hair tied up in impossible but stunning twist." Iruka's voice dropped a notch to wistful murmur. "She had always been so beautiful…"

"Iruka-sensei… if you don't want…" Naruto offered hesitantly. He hated when his sensei saddened. Iruka-sensei should never be sad; it would be too tragic, according Naruto's thoughts.

"Ah… it's just a silly thought, Naruto-kun, don't be bothered!" Iruka brightened, hoping that Naruto would be swindled. To his relief, Naruto seemed to buy it as the blonde smiled widely.

"Where was I… ah the _grand_ dinner." Iruka took a deep breath before he continued. "Our family took that night very seriously as if it was the family sacred tradition. So, that very evening, after my mother dressed me up with great care; usually she would choose the dark blue short kimono with peach-colored silk sash… I know I still have that somewhere, I'll let you have it when I find it, Naruto."

Naruto twisted his half upper body to gape at his sensei. Feeling very pleased and excited, Naruto grinned so wide that it made Iruka smiled too. "Really, sensei! I can really, really have it!"

Iruka just laughed; his previous melancholy was soothed considerably and he nodded. The kimono was his treasure for it held memories of _grand_ dinner that his family always had. But, then, the kimono was just a reminder of fragment of his unattainable past, whereas Naruto was real, here, now and very much alive.

And he loved the boy. Iruka didn't want to cling to the past and waste the present, the gift that was Naruto.

Naruto gave a loud whoop that caused several birds to flee nervously at the deafening sound. The boy didn't care for he was too happy at Iruka unexpected gift. Kakashi, who was watching from far, chuckled in deep amusement as he was still listening attentively. "Go on, sensei," Naruto said breathlessly after a while celebrating.

"After she dressed me up, she would do something that had always been my favorite. She would go on behind me, like I did to you now, brushing my hair gently, patiently sorting out the tangles. I can still remember the quietness of the room… the utter concentration of my mother at her task… the peacefulness I would feel in my heart that never failed to bring smile… and how time moved so slowly, almost like it was, too, savoring the moment like I did…" Iruka told dreamily, closing his eyes, reliving the beautiful moment like it just happened yesterday.

Naruto remained spellbound at Iruka-sensei's soft tone. At that time, he wished he could meet Iruka-sensei's mother, imaging her as gentle and kindhearted as his sensei. Perhaps, Iruka-sensei's mother would not judge him just like everybody else if she was still alive. Perhaps, she would welcome him and love him like Iruka-sensei. Perhaps, she was as warm as Iruka-sensei…

Kakashi, too, was as enthralled as Naruto. In fact he was more awestruck at the way Iruka was rather than Iruka's words. He saw the way Iruka's face tilted a little upward and the way the soft-brown colored eyes remained hidden behind the tightly closed eyes. He envied the breeze that touched Iruka's face softly, causing tendrils of Iruka's dark hair swept gracefully across the scarred face; he wished he could be the one to tuck the loose strands behind Iruka's ears and ran his lips across the scar. He wanted to be the one Iruka confided in for such display of trust was precious.

And it struck him at that precise moment just how beautiful Iruka was. Not in womanly way, but in the way the gentleness emerged among the harshness and mostly, in the way happiness still shone brightly among the sadness and pain. A strange tightness gripped Kakashi in a way he didn't comprehend.

"After she brushed my hair, she would reach out for the silk ribbon from my hand. She lifted my hair and put the string under it. Slowly, carefully she wrung the ribbon around my hair, tied up high and let the strands that escaped remained where they had fallen around my face. She would twist the ribbon twice, securing the knot. At the end, I would come down for dinner, wearing the short kimono, loose strands of hair fell upon my forehead and string of ribbon so long that its end reached my waist."

Naruto grinned wickedly. "I bet you look a lot like a girl."

Iruka felt the blushes arose. Huffing indignantly, Iruka protested. "I was seven years old when my mother gave me the ribbon and started the whole ritual. Every boy would look like a girl at that kind of age!"

"I'm not!" Naruto declared.

"That's because your hair was so spiky that no sane person would mistake you as a girl!" Iruka said back, smiling widely.

"I do not have _that_ spiky hair!"

"You do, Naruto-kun…" Iruka shook his head in mock pity as he ruffled the boy's hair and then, pretending a yelp. "Ouch! See? Sharp hair, I'm telling you!"

"I don't!"

Then, they wrestled playfully on the grass with Iruka's breathless laughter and Naruto loud protests echoed throughout the forest. Kakashi's chuckles turned to soft laughter at the childishness of Iruka. He wanted to be part of that more than anything.

After a while, Naruto and Iruka laid beside each other, gazing up at the clear blue sky. "Ne… Iruka-sensei…"

"Hmm…?"

"Do you miss the whole thing with your mother?" Naruto whispered, feeling sleepiness kicked back in.

Iruka was silent for a while. "I guess I do… It's just that when I had it with my mother, I'd never really appreciated it… When I… I lost them, it took a long time for me for the feeling of real loss to kick in. So, yes, I do miss it…"

Iruka glanced at the boy beside him when he didn't get any response from him. He wasn't surprise when he saw Naruto was already sleeping. Iruka turned his gaze back to the sky; now that Naruto was asleep, he could put down the façade. Sadness was written clearly all over his face.

"I wish I can experience it again…"

The soft murmur did not go unheard by Kakashi. The masked shinobi smiled.

* * *

Iruka leisurely put away the papers that he had been grading for the past three hours. The clock that hung in his classroom showed eleven thirty and the whole building seemed deserted. He was tired, aching in his joints and on verge of using his chakra to burn the papers down. When the urge was too insistent for Iruka to resist, he wisely put away the paper.

But he still didn't want to go home. He didn't have the heart to walk into his house and spent the night looking at the empty ceiling.

As he was cleaning the classroom, Iruka stiffened abruptly when he felt a presence of chakra behind him; strong. He turned around so swiftly, his hands were already half-forming hand seals, since his holster was on the table.

His eyes went wide at the person behind him, his hands froze. "Kakashi-sensei!"

"Yo." The silver-haired shinobi greeted blandly, his one blue eye gaze Iruka's hands.

"Don't you 'yo' me," Iruka snapped but the relief in his voice was too tangible to miss. He untangled his fingers and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You shouldn't just transport your way in like that."

"Surprise?" Kakashi teased with his eyebrow raised aggravatingly.

Iruka just huffed and walked down towards his own table to reach for the holster. "Of course not. Whatever makes you think like that?"

Kakashi just shrugged and his eyes watched appreciatively the way Iruka moved, gracefully and silently. His hand that was hidden inside his pants, fingering certain object; both anxious and excited of doing what he had been planning to do for the last two weeks. He had been waiting the perfect time to do it, without being so blatant in his intention.

Not that Kakashi was really being subtle before. He was openly a pervert and proud to be one. Who cared what other said. He didn't know them and they damned well didn't know him either. He just lived the way he wanted to live.

But Iruka was different. He made him felt different. Kakashi didn't want to walk toward Iruka and said 'I want to sleep with you' because Kakashi didn't only want that. He wanted the whole package. He wanted the things that he had witnessed. And even if he could say the 'I want to sleep with you' thing very fluently, he didn't know how to tell Iruka the rest of weird feelings Iruka had invoked inside of him. Even if he did try, he didn't think words were enough to describe the feelings.

Stupid as it sounded, Kakashi wanted this to be _special_.

Looking at clock, Kakashi smiled when the longer needle pointed at number ten. Eleven fifty. It was now or never.

"Iruka-sensei," Kakashi called.

Iruka turned around to face Kakashi, wondering the whole time why was the jounin was here at this time of night. Iruka's ass was leaning lightly against the edge of table as he watched Kakashi warily. Ever since the argument at the chuunin examination, both of them hadn't exchanged words much. Iruka was still under impression that Kakashi was still annoyed at his rude outburst.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?"

Always so polite, Kakashi thought. It both amused and irritated him.

"Would you do me a favor?" Kakashi's fingers stopped playing with the thing inside his pant pocket.

Iruka raised his eyebrows. This was rare; the capable jounin was asking a mere chuunin to help him? "Favor, Kakashi-sensei? Well, if I could, I don't see why not."

"Close your eyes."

Iruka's spine straightened in abrupt tense. "Excuse me?"

Kakashi sighed. The clock's longer needle was already halfway toward the number eleven. Eleven fifty-five. He must hurry. "Close your eyes please. You did say that if you could, you would."

Iruka eyed the jounin in front of him. Kakashi might have some sort of mild grudge against him, but then, he didn't look like he was going to do something perverted as revenge. After a moment of intense lips-biting and contemplation, Iruka relented. "Okay."

"Don't open them no matter what." Kakashi ordered and almost chuckled the way Iruka squirmed uncomfortably at his request but the young sensei closed them anyway. He gently took off Iruka's head protector. Iruka almost jumped at the sudden touch.

"Don't move… don't look… don't say anything…" Kakashi murmured, almost provocatively in Iruka's opinion, as he reached out for Iruka's high ponytail. With soft tug over the rough leather bound, Kakashi watched with great interest the way the hair fell around Iruka's shoulders like heavy curtains. From this close of distance, Iruka's hair was darker like midnight sky. Kakashi wondered how it would feel if he run through his hand through the heavy locks when he made love to him. Was it as soft as it looked?

"Just feel it…" His voice was hoarse as the weird feelings rose up again insistently.

Iruka, again, almost jumped in surprise when he felt Kakashi pulled his hair free but kept on closing his eyes resolutely. Kakashi was a pervert but Iruka knew, with a great deal of optimism, that Kakashi would not do anything without his consent. Furthermore, Kakashi sounded so… soft? sexy? (please don't think like that…) ... to sound as if he was revenging…

As silent as he could, Kakashi threw away the leather strip and pulled out an impossibly long strip of dark blue silk ribbon from his pocket. Kakashi knew the ribbon was supposed to be black and it was supposed to be worn at the night of _grand_ dinner. But he couldn't make his hand to reach out for the black ribbon when he went to buy some. And he knew why.

Kakashi wanted to start the first ritual between them. And he wanted to give Iruka something that he wished for and yet not be shadowed by the painful past. Kakashi wanted Iruka to look at the ribbon and remember him instead of his mother.

His gloves were taken off before Kakashi reached out for the inviting hair, taking a handful of the luxurious tresses and pulled them up. Yes, they were soft and Kakashi could almost imagine the way Iruka's hair spread all over his naked chest would feel. Something stirred within the jounin and Kakashi shifted uncomfortably.

He could see Iruka twitched nervously and the grin quickly appeared under his mask. So trustful… And with hair unbound freely like that night, Kakashi again was struck at how young Iruka looked. Kakashi marveled as the weird feelings were feeling stronger and stronger. "Calm down, Iruka…" He deliberately left out the 'sensei' before whispering the same words again. "Just feel…"

Iruka was dying to open his eyes. He was dying to slap Kakashi's bold hand away from his hair. And he knew he was supposed to do so. This was Kakashi; the most perverted, insufferable shinobi that Konoha had ever produced. Who knew what he was going to do with his hair?

But Iruka's sense of propriety was somehow impeded by the odd feeling of pleasant for someone else was touching his hair again. It was so long since anyone ever played with his hair, especially after his mother had died. And as Kakashi buried his hand in Iruka's hair, the chuunin could feel his heart pounded heavily at the remembrance of Kakashi's intense _eyes_ the night Naruto banged hysterically to his door house. Those eyes had left him sleepless for the rest of the night and the night after that and again after that…

He had never seen Kakashi's red eye before. He heard it was daunting for it was an eye that could see what normal eye couldn't. That night that eye glittered brilliantly under the moonlight and Iruka was rendered breathless at the sight. Daunting…? No, Iruka decided during one of his restless night. It was expressive, distinctive and very, very captivating.

There were many other reasons that caused Iruka's eyes to remain closed. Ones that Iruka couldn't answer. Ones that Iruka suspected he couldn't answer them alone. And for those inexplicable reasons, Iruka didn't want to slap Kakashi's wandering hand nor did Iruka want to open his eyes. Deep down, Iruka somehow knew something was about to happen. And he wanted that _something_ to happen.

Kakashi slipped the silky narrow ribbon just below the uplifted hair and regretfully released the soft hair, just before he slowly pulled the ribbon upward, gathering the hair in one loose hoop of ribbon held by Kakashi's hand. Kakashi used the other to again pull up his own head protector to reveal the Sharingan. The eye observed admiringly as the strands of midnight colored hair fell artlessly around Iruka's face; just like what Iruka had told Naruto.

By that time, Iruka implicitly realized what Kakashi intended to do. Somehow, the older jounin wanted to imitate what Iruka's mother often did during his childhood. And, of course, Iruka's eyes were no longer closed; instead they were wide as shock portrayed in the soft brown orbs and his mouth dropped opened.

Instantly, their eyes met.

Kakashi drowned himself into Iruka's eyes, dying to kiss those parted lips.

Iruka felt himself frozen at sight the mismatched eyes.

None of them moved. None of them even wanted to.

Without breaking the eye-contact, Kakashi, slowly, tied the ribbon around the ponytail, twisting the ribbon twice. His nerves jumped at Iruka's intense, surprise gaze. Before withdrawing his hands, he grasped the twin ends of the ribbon, which nearly touched Iruka's waist, and pulled them over Iruka's shoulders to front.

Iruka felt the silky material brushed against his neck and he knew instantly what it was. He didn't look down. Kakashi's unique eyes were more than enough sight for him. But for Kakashi to do this just for him… For Kakashi to tie up his hair like that… For Kakashi to stare at him like this… For Kakashi not being a pervert at all...And for himself for feeling this way… An incredible flowed through his heart and Iruka could only open his mouth and whisper one choking word. "You…"

"I can't bring your parents back," Kakashi murmured. "I can't create the so-called grand dinner that you always had with them…"

"Why…?" Iruka tried again. His mind was numbed. Kakashi was so… overwhelming…

"But I can give you this…" Kakashi brought Iruka's hand to the end of the ribbon. Iruka touched the ribbon tentatively and felt his heart thundering.

At that exact time, as Kakashi had planned it, the clock struck at twelve. He leaned his face closer to Iruka's face and lightly, almost fleetingly, Kakashi kissed Iruka's ear over the mask and whispered, "Happy Birthday… Iruka-kun…"

Iruka jerked backward and stuttered incoherently. "Wha…what? H…how…?"

But Kakashi had already jutsu-ed his way out, leaving Iruka alone in the class. Iruka stood in the middle of the room with his hair tied up with ridiculously long ribbon, wisps of hair fell around his face impractically and most blatant of all, his face was so flush; this time not with embarrassment but with feeling of inexplicable exhilaration.

There was no doubt that Kakashi's intention was more than just for his birthday, which Iruka didn't know how the silver-haired jounin knew about it. But then, if Kakashi could know about the ribbon, nothing was impossible for him. Only that Iruka didn't know how deep Kakashi's intention was.

_Ribbon…huh…? _Iruka thought with a silly small smile on his face. H touched tentatively his ear where Kakashi had kissed so briefly.

Indeed it was…

And Iruka had not once thought about his painful past...

* * *


	3. Silver Shuriken

I'm certainly taking my own sweet, slow-moving time doing this… huhu…. UU;

* * *

**The Beginning**

**Chapter 3**: The Silver Shuriken

* * *

Iruka didn't understand. He couldn't even begin to. It was not because he was dense nor was he oblivious. In fact, Iruka knew a lot of things such as how to concentrate his chakra without wasting it. He could throw shuriken, kunai – well, he could throw almost anything to the little devils he taught at academy – with deadly accuracy. He could even recite Konoha's history like as book itself. But even with his vast knowledge, he could not begin to comprehend the reason he was running like whirlwind to Konoha's main gate, wearing the very dark blue ribbon, an unexpected gift from Kakashi.

The ribbon streamed behind him, as he ran, even though he had wrapped the length of the ribbon around his hair. He burst through the streets, ignoring the bewildered looks he received. What he didn't understand most was the way his heart pounding like the night he saw Mizuki threw the large shuriken to Naruto and he had screamed the boy to get down. Only that the rush of adrenaline that he was feeling right now was not fear but excitement. Alright, perhaps excitement was too strong a word. He was anticipating as he neared the main gate…

It was the feeling he had not felt for a long time.

And so when the glimpse of big wooden gate came to Iruka's view, he was breathless, flushed, panic and anxious; feelings he could never comprehend and maybe he never would. And to his utter relief, he saw figures that he had run all the way for were still there, lingering. The tallest and perhaps the most striking figure was standing with his trademark stance and the three other shorter ones were with him, looking clearly annoyed. Iruka felt his mouth went dry and he tried to look as if he had not run all the way.

One minute – two minutes – oh, okay… Iruka felt he was ready.

"Naruto-kun," the blond boy's name came out instead. Iruka had wanted to call out the tallest figure but his mouth automatically spoke out Naruto's name like usual.

And the said boy was delighted at the sound of his name being called. Despite of it all, Iruka felt the familiar rush of warm feeling – the one that Iruka always identified as love. "Iruka-sensei!" The boy bounced happily before completely hugging the slender brunet shamelessly.

It was embarrassing really, in Iruka's silent contemplation, to be smothered each time he called Naruto's name in public. Not that he had minded… but do Naruto have to hug him so hard and tackled him down? And here he was being smothered by Naruto; his ass landed hard on the unforgiving, hard ground. The flushes that he had waited for two minutes to disappear reappeared.

Kakashi didn't miss any of this. He found decisively that an embarrassing Iruka-sensei was so adorable. In fact, Kakashi wouldn't mind being the one to tackle Iruka down instead but he didn't think Naruto would appreciate his blatant perversion to his beloved sensei very much. Not when they were about to go to another mission – a long one, Kakashi thought. A sulking and angry Naruto was too dangerous to travel with. Not that Kakashi didn't relish the fact that he might have some entertainment during the long walk. Still….

"Sensei! What are you doing here? Come to see me off then, huh? Did you bring ramen with you?" Naruto said loudly. While Sasuke and Sakura tried to hide their embarrassment to their boisterous teammate and while Kakashi didn't betray a bit of his expression with his silent perversion ...um…admiration to Iruka, Iruka laughed as he always did whenever Naruto paid him an attention that rivaled his attention toward ramen.

"No, I didn't. I thought I told you ramen is not a real food?" Iruka admonished while laughing. Really, Kakashi thought, only Iruka seemed to manage to do that. "I brought something else, though…" Iruka said quickly when Naruto's bright blue eyes darkened for a second.

"Really? What!" Naruto brightened back.

"It isn't really a thing though," Iruka replied, too mysterious for Naruto's impatient behavior. Iruka leaned down and brought his lips to Naruto's ear to whisper something.

They really did make a captivating picture, Kakashi mused. It was because Iruka looked so young; he looked like an older brother to Naruto instead of his sensei. It was almost funny to think how he had protested Sandaime for making him the sensei of this team, mainly due to Sasuke and Naruto were being teamed up together. If he hadn't met Naruto, he certainly would not meet Iruka and he felt something inside of him twisted painfully at that thought.

He had stopped looking for a reason for each feeling that rose up whenever he saw Iruka. He contented to watch Iruka around the academy, running around Konoha doing his errands, smiling at people and Kakashi knew that he had finally had someone to return to. Even if Iruka didn't know how he felt, the fact that he had succeeded making Konoha safe and returned to find Iruka to keep on smiling with his sunny smile made all the pain and wounds he got from the mission easier to bear.

But he wanted more. He wanted more than just watching Iruka from far. He wanted Iruka to smile at _him_ instead of the people around him. He wanted Iruka to be happy because of him. He wanted to be happy because of Iruka. Iruka's gentleness and soft happiness haunted him at nights. He had never known how lonely his life was… how lonely his nights were… he wondered how he had ever made through 27 years of his life like this…

"If you come back safely, we'll have the grand dinner." Iruka whispered softly only for Naruto's ears. "You can wear the kimono that used to be mine… I've found it," He smiled when he felt Naruto's barely constrained excitement. Naruto tried to constrain anyway because Iruka-sensei was whispering a secret and he couldn't just shout in joy, now, could he?

"Really!" Naruto shouted a whisper – squealed almost – but no way the future Hokage was going to admit that.

"Yes," Iruka nodded. Naruto's happiness was too contagious.

"It's a promise, then?" Naruto asked, looking at his sensei's face with a big smile on the boy's face.

"As long as you keep yours first, I'll keep mine…" Iruka smiled back, referring to his wish to have the boy came back home safely.

Naruto bounced back to his teammates and his white-haired sensei; sheer happiness made his face flushed and Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow, curious at what Iruka had said to make the boy became so happy. Of course, he could get the information from Naruto – the boy was easy – but somehow at the look of Iruka and Naruto's faces with secret that was only meant for both of them, Kakashi felt the uncharacteristic feeling of not wanting to intrude the zone.

He was being stupid, of course because since when he cared for such thing? But then, he had seen the way Iruka's gentle face, shadowed by the night, when he comforted Naruto… he had seen the afternoon where both of them were sharing stories and tumbling around the green grass, laughing like children. Both of times Iruka had not only managed to capture his attention that he couldn't think of anything else but Iruka had made him wanting for more… for so much more… that he didn't think he could keep his feeling hidden.

Ever since then, his rationally had changed.

Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto had walked out the door with Naruto waved enthusiastically at Iruka and being pestered silently by Sasuke and loudly by Sakura. Iruka waved back at three of his ex-students, laughing softly. Kakashi waited until his three students completely walked out from the main gate and out of his sight. Only then, he walked to close his distance with Iruka, whose attention rapidly changed from his ex-students to white-haired jounin.

The said jounin walked purposefully and strangely lazily. Iruka wondered how Kakashi had managed to do that.

Well, Kakashi was unpredictable, Iruka decided as his eyes followed the jounin's movement. Intriguing too… When he saw Kakashi's sole blue eye noticed he was using his gift, Iruka had never been more aware of the ribbon that was tied around his hair. The white-haired jounin started to smile, pleased that Iruka wore his gift. Even with the mask on his face, Iruka could see Kakashi was happy.

Blushes, of course, inevitably rose. What did he expect? He was Iruka, after all. He blushed when his students found he was daydreaming during classes. He blushed when Naruto hugged him in the middle of the street. He blushed when Sandaime praised him for having a way with troubled children. He would probably blush if someone winked at him! He was hopeless when it came to hiding his feelings. Perhaps that was why he had never tried out for jounin.

By now, Kakashi was standing several inches from where Iruka was frozen. His eye was practically licking his whole body; tell me, then, Iruka thought, how could I not blush? Everything about Kakashi screamed sexy and dangerous. "Sensei…?" Kakashi spoke up suddenly, breaking Iruka's frozen state.

Too Iruka, the way Kakashi called him sounded too delicious… Iruka almost slapped his mouth at such perverted thought. First licking, now delicious? What next? Orgasmic? Stop that thinking at once! Iruka ordered himself and to his utmost dismay he felt himself blushing… again…

With his eye still looking at the ribbon, Kakashi continued, looking pleased that he almost looked smug. "Do you come to see Naruto off… or me?" A visible eyebrow rose up.

Iruka nearly protested out loud. Unpredictable, intriguing and so very perspective too! Or was he too transparent? Well, he might not understand, then, his inexplicable heart-rushing, him running all way here or the fact he was wearing Kakashi's ribbon. But he understood it now. He had wanted to see Naruto, the boy was after all going for a mission that lasted more than just a few days, but… at the same time, Iruka had anticipated on seeing Kakashi too. Unconsciously. Not that he planned it. Just because seeing Naruto off, he knew Kakashi would be there and he was running like a whirlwind because of the fact he would see Kakashi again.

Morning breeze blew softly, causing several brownish green leaves to swirl around in a little circle of their own. Kakashi's head tilted a little to the left, waiting for Iruka to answer his question. Not that it a really hard question about controlling chakra nor jutsu nor the Konoha's long and boring history. The answer is an honest yes or no.

"Maybe…" Iruka said slowly, bringing his soft brown eyes to Kakashi's visible one.

Or there could be a maybe somewhere in between. And answer Kakashi had not expected at all. Not that it surprised him. Everything he saw and knew about Iruka had been an unexpected.

"How long will you be gone for this mission, Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka asked.

The breeze blew in the direction of Iruka, bringing with it the leaves, circling around Iruka. The dark-blue ribbon danced slowly in the wind and the wisps of Iruka's dark hair blew across his face, teasing softly the scar that Kakashi had wanted to run his tongue along it …damn it… another perverted thought. Kakashi didn't know how he would get through this long mission with Iruka looking like that.

"Three weeks at the most, counting in Naruto being a klutz and so damned lucky." Kakashi shrugged the lazy shoulders.

Iruka was torn between laughing and annoyed at Kakashi's words. He did neither. Instead, Iruka bit his lower lips indecisively. "You will take care of Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura… right?"

"I've been doing that ever since I passed them." Kakashi replied, still intensely watching the nervous chuunin as if waiting for Iruka to say something else other than reminding him to take of his students. Yeah, he admitted that sometimes he could be so irresponsible but when it came to taking care of students, he had never slipped. So far… "Anything else, Iruka-sensei?" Words rolled out of Kakashi's mouth softly and deliberately.

And he knew there was something else. Iruka wouldn't run to some here, breathless and flushing just to see Naruto off and whispering whatever damned secret that they shared together. Kakashi had noticed the dark-blue ribbon that he had given to Iruka yesterday night. The fact that Iruka was wearing it made Kakashi fairly sure that he was right. The academy sensei wasn't appeared to be being polite or appreciative either by wearing the ribbon.

Or he hoped Iruka wasn't. Sometimes Iruka could be so damned courteous that could drive him to the highest frustration. The chuunin would probably wear the green spandex if Gai gifted him one… now that made him shuddered…

Iruka looked at Kakashi and knew that the meaning behind the seemingly harmless words. Only that Iruka didn't know how far Kakashi wanted to go and how far did the jounin will let him tagged along. Was it half way until all the amusement of leading a mere chuunin gone or was it all the way? And Iruka certainly would not appreciate being tossed away when Kakashi was done him. Nor did he like his emotion being played with.

But still, this was one powerful attraction that Iruka could not deny. And believe him when he said that he had had crushes before. None of his crushes had ever made him felt this strong before. Not by only one night of catching Kakashi staring at him and another night of Kakashi giving him his birthday present that he had not known Kakashi was aware of.

Last night, he was rendered sleepless when the image of Kakashi tied up his hair; his blue eye intense and his red eyes scrutinized him, liking for the image that it saw, refused to leave his mind. Iruka had wanted to touch Kakashi back that night. He had wanted to trace the nearly invisible shadow under the amazing eye; he was on verge on asking Kakashi the reason for such darkness among Kakashi's usually jubilant personalities. He had wanted to caress the long scar that half-way covered by the black mask, wondering whether it had hurt before and whether it was still hurting him.

And that very sleepless night, Iruka knew without a doubt that the scar still hurt. It still hurt the jounin that the pain caused the same darkness under his eyes. And Iruka wanted …so very much… to run his lips along the scarred skin, soothing whatever pains that still lingered.

Iruka stifled back the soft sigh that threatened to escape. Just because Kakashi had given him his birthday present in such …unexpected way… it didn't mean that Kakashi wanted him the way _he_ wanted the jounin. Kakashi was just being his unpredictable self. The jounin had said happy birthday and perhaps that was all. No underneath the underneath that Naruto claimed Kakashi loved to use.

Just plain…_happy birthday, Iruka_

Yes, just that and there was nothing more.

He was just being stupid, of course.

And wishful…

"Maybe…" Iruka started slowly, silently berating himself for what he was going to say next. But Kakashi was going away for three weeks… there was no way he was going to let Kakashi go without saying this. "Maybe I do want to see you. I did come here to see Naruto-kun… but I think deep inside, it is to see you too…"

Kakashi didn't say anything. He had gotten his answer from the chuunin and he wasn't going to expect more. Not this soon. He had seen it and he had wanted it. If being uncharacteristically patient would get what he wanted, then so be it.

"That's all I want to hear, Iruka…" Kakashi stepped closer to the sensei that he could smell the scent of leaves and caramel from Iruka. Delicious and definitely lickable. The said sensei didn't back away from Kakashi. Why should he? He wasn't afraid…

"Is it?" Iruka asked back, looking up to search answer in Kakashi's face. "I never did ask you the reason for your action last night. Nor I don't think you would answer me. You've never taken me seriously before..."

"It's true." Kakashi interrupted. One thing that Kakashi didn't like was to be reminded how he had been blind before and if not for that night, Kakashi would probably go on being blind for the rest of his life and didn't see how …priceless… Iruka was.

If Iruka had seen what he had seen, felt what he had felt right now, he would know that tying up a ribbon around Iruka's thick dark, dark hair was the only the beginning. Ha wanted more; never half, more than all because Kakashi had seen it and he had wanted and he knew Iruka could give what he craved for. No one else but Iruka.

"Then, what's changing?" Iruka asked softly.

_I changed._ Kakashi thought, slowly losing himself in Iruka's soft brown eyes. _There are times where I can't even measure how much I have changed._ "Everything," he answered instead. It was indeed everything. Iruka was his beginning of everything. The academy sensei might now know this, but Kakashi was willing to do anything to prove to Iruka he meant it.

"What will happen after this?" Iruka asked again.

Kakashi smiled at that question. Or Iruka thought he did because Kakashi's eyes curved upward. Then, the infuriating… puzzling jounin turned around, waving a slow hand.

Iruka watched the man turned around and headed toward the main gate. Iruka didn't understand the man. Perhaps he never would. _That's all I want to know?_ Iruka thought with silent disbelief. What different did it make anyway? So what if Iruka had just admitted – though not so straightforwardly – that had some kind of strange feeling toward the jounin. Even if he had said that he had ran all over here not to just see Naruto off but to see the jounin too, he did emphasize on the word 'maybe' and didn't so much as elaborating.

And Kakashi just turned around as if he understood the 'maybe'. _His_ 'maybe'. How could Kakashi know what he was thinking or even feeling when he, himself, couldn't comprehend the he was feeling? Iruka was deeply irritated. By Kakashi's attitude and words, he had an awful feeling that Kakashi was patronizing him.

"Kakashi," Iruka said instead. The words came out without his consent.

Kakashi froze in his steps and slowly turned around. He was painfully aware of the missing 'sensei' when Iruka called him. He didn't know whether Iruka deliberately did that but by the look of Iruka's face, Kakashi didn't think Iruka even realized the slip.

Iruka look indecisive for a few short moments. Kakashi watched the sensei exhaled almost invisibly as if he was silently berating himself. Then, Iruka took out his kunai from the holster hanging from his hips and walked slowly towards him. At that Kakashi raised _both_ of his eyebrows, wondering whether Iruka wanted to kill him…

Kakashi's eyebrows rose even higher when he saw Iruka lifted his hand and using his nimble long fingers to untie the ribbon from his hair. It took Iruka several moments to untangle the length; it was ridiculously long and when he did, his hair fell around him with the same artlessness that Kakashi had admired last night. If last night Kakashi thought Iruka's hair look beautiful, right now, under the shining morning light, Iruka's hair shone _gorgeously_. And Kakashi would never use the word gorgeous on anything or anyone.

Apparently, it took Kakashi several moments to realize Iruka was holding out the ribbon to him, as if waiting for him to take back the ribbon. Kakashi looked at the ribbon in such bewilderment; understood Iruka's action, then looked back to the chuunin with a trace of hurt in his expression. He shouldn't have cared, but he did. And it hard to hide the hurt he was feeling right now. Then, Kakashi's eye covered the hurt he was feeling with coldness. He took the end of the ribbon from Iruka's hand and watched the ribbon slid rapidly from Iruka's opened palm.

Iruka didn't understand the expression in Kakashi's eye and he was invisibly flinched at the coldness that suddenly filled the jounin's eye. Ignoring of he was seeing, Iruka watched the ribbon; one end was pulled by Kakashi and he abruptly stopped the ribbon from being taken away completely by Kakashi by grasping the ribbon tightly. Kakashi frowned and looked up back to Iruka.

They were now like having a tug war; each one was hold at each end of the long ribbon. And their eyes met. Iruka swallowed hard at Kakashi's intense stare. He wondered if he would ever stop being mesmerized by Kakashi's eyes… somehow he didn't think he would…

Then, with his eyes carefully capture Kakashi's, he brought his sharp kunai and with one sure movement, he cut the ribbon into two. He could clearly see the surprise in Kakashi's face and told dryly to himself that this was the first time he understood the expression in Kakashi's face. Biting back a smile, Iruka put away his kunai and walked toward the stunned jounin.

"I…I heard from Sandaime that you are going after a missing-nin…" Iruka spoke up softly, not sure himself the reason he whispered. But they were so closed that he had to tilt his head upward to look at Kakashi's face. It was obvious Kakashi was still stunned but at least the jounin returned his look and Iruka knew Kakashi was listening to him.

Kakashi wasn't sure what was happening now and that rarely happened from a genius like him. He usually knew what happened around him and therefore, nothing could surprise him. In fact, Copy-nin Hatake Kakashi was immune of surprise or confusion. But Iruka continued to do that to him. Right now, Iruka obviously didn't intend to return the ribbon to him but he cut the ribbon, instead? Well, Kakashi knew that he was being carried away when he bought a ribbon at that kind of length… but did Iruka really have to state his opinion of the ribbon's length so... _demonstratively_?

"I was… well, when I heard that from Sandaime this morning, I quickly came here…" Iruka continued looking flustered and Kakashi's thought of Iruka's blatant demonstration quickly dissolved to how impossibly adorable Iruka look. "And… not that I don't think you're incapable of completing you mission… nor you would not keep your students safe…"

Kakashi kept silent, listening with amusement.

"I don't approve Sandaime sending genins in hunting a missing-nin, no matter how low the missing-nin rank… because it is too dangerous… but not to you of course…" Iruka said hastily, wondering when he had become so flustered. "…And…"

Inside Iruka huffed at himself. Perhaps he should shut up now and do whatever he was planning to do when he asked Kakashi to wait. Perhaps he should just let Kakashi leave and never, ever thought of this… this impulsiveness. Since when did he become impulsive anyway? Biting his lips, Iruka looked down and he swore Kakashi was silently laughing at him.

Yeah, he should shut up now… "Fine, I'm shutting up now. I just want to do this before you go," Iruka said, still looking down.

Oh, my god… Kakashi's eye went wide… did Iruka just pout? Iruka was pouting and he didn't see Iruka's face? Damn it! "Um… Iruka?"

"You're shutting up too."

Pouting _and_ being prissy? And he didn't even get a glance of that! What was wrong with you! Kakashi yelled at himself silently. But damn, but Iruka sounded so sexy and he bet Iruka looked a thousand times sexier… Yeah, great, nice images. Good luck bearing those during your three-week mission!

Iruka slowly dip his hand in his holster for the second time, hesitating and searching. Kakashi just watched Iruka, wanting Iruka to lift his head and look at him. When Iruka's hand came out from the holster, his hand tightened around the object. It was then, Iruka looked up and Kakashi couldn't care less about the object that Iruka held. Iruka was looking at him again and it was what he wished for.

Suddenly he felt Iruka wrapped his arms around his neck loosely and felt something slightly heavy dangling from his neck. He looked down to see what Iruka had tied.

It was a silver shuriken. It was smaller than the usual size and it shone against the blazing morning sun. Iruka had used half of the dark-blue ribbon as the makeshift necklace's chain by slipping the silky length through the hole in the middle of the silver shuriken.

Kakashi's eye widened as he reverted his look from the shuriken to Iruka's face. They were so close now with Iruka's arm around his neck. Kakashi could almost feel the warmth of Iruka's breaths against the thin mask and he watched the soft brown eyes that were focused at his neck as the chuunin tried to tie the slippery silk ribbon. And the time seemed to move so slow, torturing Kakashi with the closeness that he couldn't take advantage of.

Thinking that the ribbon was tied secured enough, Iruka withdrew, too fast for Kakashi's pleasure. And Iruka didn't stop withdrawing. With his eyes anyway but Kakashi's, the academy sensei retreated slowly and his mouth spoke out with the same flustering manner. "It… it was my mother's… given by my father. I… carry it around ever since I was accepted as a genin and I've never used it… not…not even when I ran out of shurikens and kunais to throw… because it was my mother's… given by my father…"

Kakashi almost laughed at Iruka's apparent agitation as he tried to explain the shuriken. Iruka looked so young, beautiful and very, very nervous. Even then, the sensei's mouth wouldn't stop talking and the sensei's legs wouldn't stop walking back. Kakashi understood the gift and something warmth ran through the jounin and the attraction grew into something indefinite and hot and hunger that he didn't know whether he had the patient to take this slow. He had one thing more to add into his list of why Iruka was worth of all the trouble he went through – he was undeniably generous.

And Kakashi wanted – more than ever now – to know how generous Iruka could be when he had Iruka in his bed.

"I… I managed to… to become chuunin even though the chances are odd… I wasn't… I wasn't very good in jutsus… then… " Iruka continued, deeply distracted by the way Kakashi moved towards him. Their eyes met and Iruka couldn't, even if he wanted too, to take his eyes away. "It… it has always bringing me good… good luck… because it was my mother's… giv-given by my father…"

He kept on retreating until he felt a solid tree behind him and he couldn't stop talking. Kakashi advancing with a small smile, enjoying the way Iruka's state of edginess and wondering whether the sensei knew how tempting he look right now.

Kakashi had the smaller sensei trapped and he brought one hand to brace himself against the tree while the other hand softly fingered Iruka's jaws. Iruka's voice turned to whisper… "And I… I kept on keeping it in my holster… polishing it… now and then… because it was my mother's…"

"-given by your father," Kakashi finished huskily.

Iruka gave small nods, his eyes wide, not with fear but with surprise at how close their faces were. In fact, they were so close that he could see the shadow of Kakashi's smiles that were hidden under the black mask. Kakashi look so… striking with the tree shadowed his usually fair face and his heavy-lidded eye bore down into his, searching into his soul. Iruka felt his breaths became deep and heavy.

"Why…?"

"I'm… I'm lending my charm to you… so… so you can return it back to me… in person."

Kakashi watched Iruka's face. The meaning didn't miss him. And something indefinite and hot and hunger clawed him painfully from inside. It was then Kakashi realized he couldn't just go. Not without something to ease the pain inside him. He wanted… needed something from Iruka and that something could only be given by Iruka. No one else. It was all because Iruka look so beautiful and sexy and generous and so… Iruka-ish.

The jounin did what he could and what he wanted… He lowered his head down and the fingers that were tracing Iruka's jaws just now pulled down the mask a second before his mouth captured fully and totally Iruka's unprepared one. His whole body pinned against Iruka's leaner one, making Iruka's arms to go around Kakashi's neck. He heard Iruka's surprise gasps but pleased when he felt Iruka's arms around him in response.

Such a giver… so generous… so damn soft… The tip of Kakashi's tongue greedily ran along the ridge of Iruka's lips, biting and sucking in the lower lip as he impatiently asked for entrance. Kakashi was so persistent that Iruka couldn't deny what was asked of him. He parted his lips, granting Kakashi what he wanted and wanting the jounin to deepen the closeness. And Kakashi gladly took what was offered.

One of Kakashi's hands slipped around Iruka's waist, pulling the smaller man closer and the other hand grasped Iruka's jaw with such urgency and yet tenderness. Every part of their body touched and Iruka almost gasped to discover the hardness of Kakashi's every muscle. The hard mouth that was plundering his mouth robbed the academy sensei from thinking. And Iruka didn't. He felt light-headed, weak; he felt very hot and yet he was shivering. His arms tightened around Kakashi's neck, looking for support from these strange feelings.

Iruka tasted so sweet… like caramel… Kakashi thought as he plunged deeper into the sweet, wet cave. His tongue met Iruka's and he caressed repetitively suggestively along the soft surface, asking Iruka to follow him back into his mouth. And when Iruka did, the jounin took the advantage and sucked in deeply Iruka's tongue, loving every second of Iruka's surprise gasps and small moans. He was surrounded by Iruka and how he had dreamt this.

The kiss was longer than what Kakashi had in mind but now he had it, he didn't want to stop. They both had forgotten to breathe and when they did, Kakashi slowly pulled his lips apart; no far enough as he hovered on Iruka's lips, dropping small kisses. He shuddered slightly as his lips felt Iruka's heavy breathings hit him.

Slowly, Kakashi pulled his face farther and he watched Iruka's flush face and his swollen and well-kissed lips. He wanted to kiss him again but knew that he hadn't got enough time. So, he raised his hand to pull the mask up back. The chuunin eyes were half-closed, slightly glazed and the arms were gradually loosening. It was then Kakashi realized that the something indefinite, hot and hungry inside of him wanted even more from the beautiful, flushing sensei. And he knew what he wanted. Kakashi took a deep breath and tried to tame the wild feelings.

"Iruka…" Kakashi whispered.

Iruka swallowed. Kakashi looked so… dark and needy and something inside Iruka jumped in anxiety and excitement.

"I have to go… it's getting late." Kakashi's tone sounded so regretful that Iruka couldn't help but feeling the same.

Iruka withdrew his arms completely with a small, reluctant smile graced his face. "Yes… I think you should go…"

Kakashi retreated slowly, his eyes never left Iruka's. He had the image of Iruka, flush and smiling and free, unbound hair framed that face. The next three weeks will either be bearable or unbearable but with the taste of Iruka's lips still lingered on his lips and tongue, Kakashi knew it had been more than worth it.

Then he turned around and walked towards the main gate.

Iruka watched Kakashi's tall figure vanished behind the tall wooden gate. He had come here to talk to Naruto and just to see Kakashi. Nothing more. He didn't think he had the courage to do more even if he wanted to.

The parts where he actually talked to Kakashi and gave the jounin his precious silver shuriken were something that he hadn't expected nor planned. And the kiss that followed after was… beyond his dream. Iruka ran the tip of his tongue along his lips, recapturing the taste of Kakashi.

Three weeks until he would see Kakashi again.

How was he going to sleep through when the last image of Kakashi he remembered was the jounin look dark, intense with such hunger and very, very sexy… despite it all, the look of tenderness was there still… as if… as if…

As if Kakashi wanted the whole package…

As if Kakashi wanted him all the way…

As if… Kakashi loved him…


	4. Silent Heaven

(Five months without update) ...Uh... I've got nothing to say... Just, enjoy the story? ...heh...

A big thank to Non-Serious Seriousness for very quick edit and very fun comments to go with it! (smile) Finally I've got a beta... a very nice one, in fact!

* * *

**The Beginning**

**Chapter 4:** Silent Heaven

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There was a time in Iruka's life, when he felt the whole world was closing down on him. When Iruka was young, his mother always said that he radiated light to all around him; nothing that happened could ever make the light dim. And he was small, taking every word at face value, and so he asked his mother why, when he was stuck in the dark basement on the other day, he could not use that light to make him see. His mother had laughed then, and soft, gentle hands reached out to him for an affectionate hug. 

_Iruka-chan, you are my light. _His mother had said that day, laughing. _I hope you will be others light too, brightening their life as you have brightened mine._

The day he felt his light fade out was the day when Kyuubi attacked the village and took away both of his parents. He was alone for so long, in the dark and cold. How ironic was it when the sun that he had been waiting for appeared during the rainy day as he was mourning at his parents' tombstone? Sandaime had stood behind him and with just a few kind, wise words, the dam broke and the tears that he had been fighting so very hard to hide with his silly pranks and stupid jokes flowed.

That night he slept without tears and nightmares.

He thought the darkness had passed away but he thought wrong. He was wrong to think he had felt the worst when he had barely lived half of his life.

The news that just reached to him had caused him to hastily; barely covering his panic, ask his colleagues to substitute him in manning the desk and walk out quickly before his steps broke into running. And as Iruka neared the white-colored building, his active imagination had already taken control over his rationality.

Kakashi and Team 7 had left four weeks ago to hunt the missing-nin. Kakashi had said he would be back in three weeks and by fourth week, Iruka still had not heard any news from them.

Iruka told himself repeatedly that he was foolish to think bad things. Just because this was the first time Team 7 was legally assigned an A-rank mission – hunting missing-nin and Kakashi had to look after the rebellious Team 7 – and Naruto would break down every single order and Sasuke would act recklessly and Kakashi was going to have his hand full dealing with the mission and handling the boys, it didn't mean bad thing was going to happen.

Yeah, right.

Now he was running to hospital because the bad thing that he had feared just turned worse. Both boys suffered heavy injuries and Kakashi was knocked out from over-using chakra and several days of infection to his injuries from protecting Team 7, rather than fighting the enemies – which had predictably multiplied to seven shinobi rather than one. After all, Kakashi and Team 7 had always the bad karma of turning low-rank missions to a high-level one.

As soon as he reached the hospital, he was led, without questions, to Naruto and Sasuke's room. It was no secret the affection Iruka-sensei bore to the Kyuubi-bearer. Bracing himself, Iruka opened the door and the sight in front of him forced him to close his eyes in overwhelming remorse at the bandages wrapped around both boys.

Naruto was awake but Sasuke was not. Iruka forced his anxiety down before walking toward the blond boy.

Naruto lied down the bed motionlessly. His bright blue eyes fixed intensely at the sleeping boy beside him. Iruka didn't know the whole story but he could pretty much guess what had happened at the sight of gratitude and guilt in Naruto's eyes. He kept looking at Sasuke without acknowledging Iruka's presence.

The room was silent as Iruka took a vacant chair and pulled it beside Naruto's bed. He allowed for a few more minutes before breaking the silence. "…You were being reckless again, weren't you?" Iruka said softly.

Naruto couldn't look at Iruka-sensei. He couldn't answer with all the lumps in his throat. No one could know him so well to understand to whole thing without being asked. Iruka-sensei always knew him, always could read him like an open book. After a few moments, he nodded slowly. "…I tried so hard, Iruka-sensei…"

Iruka understood. He understood Naruto completely. He didn't need to know the whole story to understand because Naruto's few words told him more than what the nurses had tried to tell him along the way. His heart went out for Naruto.

"I know, Naruto-kun…" He reached out to hold Naruto's bandaged hand; he felt Naruto tightened his fist around his own hand and Iruka knew Naruto believed him when he said he knew.

It took so few words between them before the restrain broke and the ice melted. Naruto tore his gaze away from Sasuke and Iruka could see the tears swimming in the huge blue eyes. "Sasuke-bastard kept pushing me! He made me feel so useless and that made me so angry! And when, when the missing-nin appeared, I forgot what Kakashi-sensei said and…" Naruto's other hand curled into tight, angry fist; his eyes cast down.

"That bastard! How dare Sasuke think he can act better than me when he jumped in front of me! I can protect myself!" Naruto flew his angry eyes to the offending, sleeping boy beside him. "I can!"

Then, he looked back to Iruka-sensei. "I can protect myself, I can protect that bastard and I can defeat that missing-nin!"

Naruto went silent. His outburst drained him and Iruka watched the angry flush quickly turned into pale. Iruka closed his eyes, remembering the feeling of uselessness and unworthiness during his younger days. He had felt the way Naruto felt right now.

Iruka abandoned the wooden chair and sat on the edge of Naruto's bed. "Reckless behavior, Naruto-kun, would only bring losses." Iruka began softly. Unaware by both of them, the dark-haired boy was already awake, long enough to hear Naruto's angry words.

"Believe me when I say I know. Shinobi fight with his mind and his heart. He cannot be without his mind because that usually leads to passion and recklessness. And without his heart, he is just another killing machine." Naruto raised his eyes and watched Iruka-sensei's face. _Strange…_ Naruto thought. _Only Iruka-sensei can look so young and yet so wise. _Iruka-sensei, Naruto decided, was what exactly a brother that he had always wanted.

"I know you want to prove yourself. I know you need people to acknowledge your presence. And that is what is in your heart, Naruto-kun," Iruka said slowly. "You are a shinobi whose heart is full of a passion to make people really see you."

Iruka raised his free hand and touched Naruto's bandaged forehead. "But without mind to balance your heart, this is what will happen. Think, Naruto, you have to think. Think before you act. Feel before you act. Let them know you are really in control, not only of the situation around you, but also of yourself. "

Naruto looked down at their intertwined hands. For a few minutes, Iruka let his words sank, wanting Naruto to really understand what was it to be expected from a shinobi. Then, "What about Sasuke, Iruka-sensei…?"

"Hmm? What about him?"

"Is he a shinobi of heart or mind?"

Sasuke went absolutely still. He couldn't believe Naruto was asking for him. But Iruka-sensei's words had always made sense to him ever since he enrolled in the academy. That was why he had still bothered to come back to the class. Because when his world turned dark with deeply-buried hatred and anger, Iruka-sensei's words were always there to keep from slipping quickly into insanity.

"You really care that much about him, do you?" Iruka smiled.

"Of course!" Naruto sounded indignant. "He may be a smug bastard but no one will ever treat me the way he does."

Iruka raised his eyebrow. "And what is that?" Sasuke wanted to know too.

"A rival!"

Iruka laughed and Sasuke fought the urge to roll his eyes and call Naruto dumb.

"Well, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto looked at Iruka-sensei expectedly.

"Sasuke-kun…" Iruka thought deeply. "I think Sasuke-kun is a shinobi of both heart and mind. But I think he was standing on the edge of losing his heart. His anger is slowly hardening and the need for vengeance will someday no longer be just a feeling. His vengeance will be his purpose – his mind."

"Iruka-sensei…" Naruto whispered.

Iruka looked at Sasuke and then to Naruto. "Remember what I say, Naruto-kun. Without heart, he will be just a killing machine. A puppet, whose strings are pulled by his own vengeance that will slowly consumed him."

"I cannot save him, Naruto-kun, no more than I can save you from being reckless again, but I think you two can save each other from falling off your own edges."

* * *

Iruka had been visiting Naruto and Sasuke for the last five days. Sakura came all the time, bringing the much needed cheer in the otherwise grim room. Iruka didn't know whether speaking so frankly to Naruto was a wise decision. But at that time, he thought it was appropriate because Naruto and Sasuke had gone through so many fights and Iruka wanted to keep the boys from falling too far deep in the dark abyss. If Iruka had any say at all, he wanted them to be as far as they could from the precipitous edge in the first place. 

For five days he went, he would always stop; after visiting his ex-students, at Kakashi's room. The first day he went, the medic-nin that had just stepped outside from the room had graciously, without raising an eyebrow for his sudden concern for the often-lonely jounin, told him about Kakashi's condition. Chakra depletion was expected and there was a long gash along his thigh; an infected one. Apparently, the ambush had started a few days before Sakura had run for help and it was the third day of non-stop hiding and defending his injured students that Kakashi collapsed from both depletion and infection.

As Iruka stepped inside the room that day, his heart pounded at the realization just how far Kakashi would go for his students. Not that Iruka had any doubt before. It just that jounin worked alone. They would always work alone. There were cases where jounin had forgotten about the other shinobi with them that day. Iruka knew that – he experienced it himself. Jounin would do anything for their village – they were just… unpredictable. And for Kakashi to spend three days _defending_ when he could be _fighting_ because he couldn't let Naruto and Sasuke left unprotected made Iruka felt… warm.

Kakashi lay motionlessly, mask considerately covered his face and instead of head protector, the medic-nin had draped soft cloth over Kakashi's Sharingan. From the door, Iruka noticed just how quiet Kakashi breathed and even at his vulnerable state, Iruka still could not see any weakness – Kakashi radiated strength all over him. His brown eyes softened unintentionally as Iruka walked toward the bed and he sat there for three hours. He just sat there with equal silence and motionless; he contently watched the silver-haired man, expecting nothing.

He came back tomorrow to do just the same and the day after tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and again this evening.

Iruka didn't understand what made him do all the inexplicable things ever since he saw Kakashi watched him that night. But Iruka knew now that when it came to Kakashi, he had no control whatsoever.

And it didn't bother him as much as before anymore.

Now, on his way back from hospital, he had stopped over the grocery. It was at the checkout line that he realized he had forgotten his grade papers in Naruto's room. He needed to grade them tonight and judging from the crimson sky, he realized it was way past the visiting time. But no matter, the nurses there liked him; maybe they didn't have any qualm for him just briefly walking in and retrieving his grading papers.

Iruka was right, the on-duty nurse smiled at him and nodded, gesturing him to go on in.

On his way back, Iruka heard a sound from Kakashi's room. He had spent his time in the silent room so of course when he heard a sound; Iruka couldn't resist opening the door regardless of his promise to the nurse of his _brief _visit.

The door creaked, too loud for Iruka's liking. From the door, he could see that Kakashi was no longer motionless or silent. His hands twitched and words came out incoherently. The calm face that he had watched for five days frowned for the obvious nightmare that haunted him. And without knowing what he was doing, Iruka closed the door behind him and walked toward the restless man.

_What are you doing, Iruka?_ The voice inside him warned.

Truly, Iruka knew the danger of waking a jounin from his nightmare. Truly, Iruka knew that he should let the nightmare pass first before doing anything that might cause Kakashi from acting spontaneous and dangerously. But he kept walking anyway. To prove the voice how stupid he could be; he sat at the edge of Kakashi's bed, reaching for the covered face.

_Bad move… real bad move. _The voice tried again.

_Later I'll think. _Iruka thought back. _Later I'll stop. Just let me do this._

Softly, Iruka fleetingly ran his fingertips along Kakashi's jaw. "…Kakashi… you're dreaming…"

No longer can Iruka finish his words, the soft whisper abruptly changed to choking sound as Kakashi's eyes flew opened and his deadly hand reached out for Iruka's throat. Within seconds, Iruka was pinned onto the bed with Kakashi's sole blue eyes flashing dangerously.

Iruka didn't say a word – not that he could, instead he reached out one hand around the steely wrist, the hand that effectively cutting off any oxygen and another hand placed on Kakashi's chest, firmly pushing the man on top him away. He had expected this but not that he wouldn't be prepared from the surprise of the sudden attack.

Even in this dark room, Iruka could still see the ice-cold blue eye; vengeful and dark. It was nothing like Kakashi's warm eyes that he had last seen before the jounin left for the mission. This was the wild side of Kakashi he knew existed but had never seen it.

"Iruka…?"

And it was all Iruka could do to nod himself and not succumb to an embarrassing choking sound.

"Shit!" Kakashi released his grip like he had been burnt as sanity returned to Kakashi's eye. Perhaps in a way, he was. "Shit!" Kakashi swore again.

Iruka rubbed his throat, silently impressed by the strength. It was another side that Iruka hadn't the privilege to witness – a violent side of Kakashi that had made him as infamous as he was right now. And now he could see it. "Yeah…" Iruka croaked. "You said it…"

Kakashi rolled off Iruka and lied with an unceremonious thud beside Iruka, pulling himself away from the brunet. He was both still shaken from both the nightmare and the fact he had awakened just to strangle Iruka. Facing away, he raised his hand to rub the uncovered eye tiredly.

"What are you doing here, at this time, Iruka?" The question was thrown to him almost accusingly.

Iruka remained lying, frowning at the way Kakashi was withdrawing himself. It appeared that Kakashi had awakened sometime after he had left because he didn't ask about what had happened. Kakashi had done a lot of thinking too. Turning his body, he watched Kakashi's back. The white shirt the Kakashi wore stretched distractingly across the broad shoulders. For a while, Iruka forgot what Kakashi was asking him. "I forgot my grading papers in Naruto's room. I came back for them."

Kakashi remained silent, which made Iruka wondered whether Kakashi knew about his students' condition. Before he could contemplate whether it was wise to say anything, Iruka spoke up. "Do you…" Iruka began hesitantly. "Do you want to know how they are doing?"

If Iruka expected Kakashi to remain silent, he was wrong.

"Of course I know how they are doing!" Kakashi whispered angrily. "I don't need you to tell me when it was me who saw them being attacked!"

Iruka opened his mouth and then closed it back. He knew Kakashi was blaming himself for failing to protect his students. He just didn't know what made Kakashi felt so guilty. There was a lot of thing that he didn't know about Kakashi's life and he had an uneasy feeling that the guilt was bigger than what he expected it to be. That the reason was beyond the failure of defending his students.

And he didn't think it was his right to ask Kakashi something so… personal.

Instead of offering words that he didn't know anything about, Iruka reached out hesitatingly; hand stopped temporarily mid-air, before continuing toward to the cotton-clad back. Iruka's fingers touched softly, featherlike on Kakashi's back and they instantaneously felt the inexplicable tensing. "I know it's stupid of me to say this, but none of this is your fault…" Iruka whispered.

Kakashi felt the gentle touches and he drowned deeper in his guilt and anger. "You are right; it is a stupid thing to say." Kakashi bit out.

The touches didn't withdraw like Kakashi thought they would. Instead they became bolder and more prominent. "Which part of it that sounds stupid? The fact I thought it is a stupid thing to say or none of this is your fault?" Iruka asked.

"Stay away, Iruka." Iruka silently shuddered at the hell-dark warning, telling him he should just stop right here and there.

Not only he had no control whatsoever when it came to Kakashi; apparently Kakashi had made him loose his reasonable senses. _That's it._ Iruka thought. _I am crazy for wanting to continue pursuing this._

But he could not stop himself.He knew so little about Kakashi and he wasn't the one to be attracted to someone whom he hardly knew. Especially when it was a jounin, who knew him well enough to know his childhood ritual with his mother. Iruka closed his eyes, seeing the dark-blue ribbon.

"Why?" Iruka asked softly. "Is it dangerous in there?"

Kakashi let out self-loathing laughter. Damn Iruka for being so damn stubborn and damn him for being so helplessly attracted to the chuunin that he couldn't resist him even if he tried. "You wouldn't want to go in there. _I _don't want to go in there."

Kakashi was warning Iruka and the academy teacher was well-aware of that. Instead, Iruka's hand slid upward across the broad back and rested it on Kakashi's shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want to know which one is stupid…?" Iruka persisted.

Kakashi frowned, not that Iruka could see; not when Kakashi still refused to face him. Silence filled in between moments.

"…well…?"

Kakashi exploded. "Of course it was my fault!" Finally, there was anger. "I could not even use my so-called awesome jutsus to save the ones that matter!" Then, there was guilt. "And they were all dead because of me!" It was then Iruka realized they had gone beyond the reason of mission's failure.

"All of them…?" Iruka asked, whispering words as he inched closer to Kakashi.

"Fuck yes, damn it!" Kakashi lashed out. He just didn't care anymore. He was drowning in his guilt; past and present, drowning fast, like he would always be whenever he fucked up a mission and everyone with him got hurt. And it was Iruka saw him suffocating! It was Iruka, who was being silently stubborn and persistent and yet still sounded so desirable in the dark even when he could not see him. "I couldn't save Yondaime; I couldn't save Obito; hell, I couldn't save my students!" Each word was whispered furiously.

Iruka didn't pretend to understand what he didn't know. He didn't know anything about Kakashi's past and what had really happened when Obito and Yondaime died. But what he knew for certain was that Kakashi was hanging on to those two memories; he refused to let the past rest and move on.

That, he understood. Iruka had, too, been hanging to the memories of his parents and Sandaime had taught him to let go. Not that he could completely but at least he was still trying. So he said quietly. "_I_ couldn't save my parents, too."

Kakashi just brought his hand and covered his face as he sighed ever so silently. "It's not that…"

"I am the Copy-fucking-nin Sharingan Kakashi. I'm supposed to be able to do anything!" Kakashi said bitterly. Iruka might not be able to see Kakashi's face but he could hear the underlying guilt and anger that were getting deeper for each word he uttered. "I'm supposed to be the strong one and yet for each fight I loose, I know I am not strong enough!"

_Not strong enough to protect everything and everyone that matters._ Kakashi thought. _Yondaime and Obito died because I am not strong enough. I nearly lost my students because I am weak._

Kakashi was so lost in his dark mind that he didn't realize until a little too late that Iruka had already brought himself closer. The young sensei's tentative touch on his forearm was soft and yet enough to bring Kakashi back to the surface of sanity. Iruka's chest was only a breath away from Kakashi's back, as if wanting to feel the contact but was afraid to.

"Iruka…?"

What was it about Kakashi that made him loose all his rationality? The sensibility that Iruka had always taken pride of? What did Kakashi do to make him felt like he was willing to give and do everything just to make the desperation in Kakashi's voice go away? For as long as Iruka was alive, lying so close with the guilt-ridden, angry and exceptionally strong jounin would never cross his mind. To be close when a jounin was breaking down was too dangerous – Iruka's bruising neck was the proof.

But right now he didn't care. He didn't care whether Kakashi decided to go all berserk on him and did more than just strangle him. All he cared about was the hurting he heard in the dark voice and the breaking of his own heart listening to it. That was why, despite all the warning bells in his head, Iruka let go of his trepidation, his reserve and touched so boldly Kakashi's forearm.

"Iruka? What are you doing?"

_Indeed, what in the world am I doing?_ Iruka closed his eyes, leaned forward and let his forehead rested on Kakashi's back. _I really don't know anymore._

"I don't see the weakness that you told me just now." Iruka whispered instead. "You're angered at your own insufficiency and yet I can see none."

"What are you saying?" Kakashi stiffened.

"I saw Naruto and Sasuke alive when they were first brought in and then I saw you, it's the resilience in you that I saw; not weakness. Then, I heard them say how you fought off the enemies, whilst defending your students, it's the protectiveness that I saw in you; not weakness." As Iruka spoke, the motionless hand on Kakashi's forearm began moving silently downward and stopped hesitantly before Iruka covered his hand over Kakashi's.

"Then I watched you heal from the infection and injuries, all the while you were sleeping, I can only see endurance; never, ever weakness, in you. And now, I see you fight with the guilt – Kakashi, it is the compassion that you have I see."

Iruka wasn't aware of what he was doing next; it was spontaneous, driven by the overwhelming unknown feelings in his heart. He raised his face from Kakashi's back, lifted his face so that his lips could reach Kakashi's nape. A light kiss was given and then another and another and another, trailing along the cotton-covered shoulder. Kakashi's shoulder was so broad that before Iruka knew it, the whole length of body touched so intimately against Kakashi's body.

He wasn't usually this bold. Anyone could see him as soft-spoken, raising his voice only when it was necessary or when something really pushed him to do so; he was reserved in nature. Kissing someone's nape was not his usual activity; kissing _the _Copy-nin was never his usual activity. But, then, neither was he a spontaneous person.

_Not yet._ Iruka stubbornly refused to give in to his natural withdrawn self. He could still feel the tenseness in Kakashi's body – from the surprise of Iruka's actions, not that Iruka knew – and he wanted to take it all away. _Not yet._

"Kakashi…"

Iruka's voice was breathed so near to Kakashi's ear, offering more than just comforting words to Kakashi.

"You haven't lost…" And Iruka slowly wove his fingers through Kakashi's callous hand. The attraction that Iruka felt all this time warningly slipped deeper into what Iruka had always been afraid of. "…Nor are you weak…"

Iruka breathed, "…You have gotten stronger…"

There was no way those words could be ignored. Kakashi could not ignore Iruka any longer. It was the gentleness in Iruka that made Kakashi turned around. It was the wisdom beyond age that made Kakashi drew the academy teacher close so fiercely. It was just Iruka; through and through that made Kakashi raise his hands and urgently ran his long fingers into Iruka's hair before snapping the band off.

"Kakashi-" Iruka didn't know whether the gasp was due to the surprise of Kakashi's sudden actions or relief that he had managed to draw Kakashi out from his cocoon.

Kakashi didn't answer. Instead, he hauled Iruka upward so they were sharing one pillow. Facing Iruka, Kakashi's arm entrapped Iruka like unbreakable steel, securing Iruka close to Kakashi. With one hand, Kakashi pulled down his mask and cupped Iruka's jaw, bringing his lips to smother Iruka's.

He kissed Iruka as if the teacher was his lifeline, as if Iruka was anchoring him before slipping further away from the shore. He kissed Iruka with a mixture of intense feelings that Kakashi could never, ever differentiate them – he didn't even want to. He kissed Iruka with such desperation, because he knew the attraction and lust and affection he reserved for this young chuunin would irrevocably last forever.

He had wanted Iruka to be his beginning. He had wanted Iruka to teach him to forgive himself, to learn to feel again and to save him from his dark past. Only he had never thought of making Iruka his last too. He had never thought of making Iruka his only one. But Kakashi knew with his feeling like this, there was no way he could find another. It was no longer the physical attraction or the emotional attraction. Kakashi was ensnared by Iruka forever.

Iruka felt the steel grip around him and the other one, which was holding his jaw. He felt the digging of Kakashi's fingernails against his back. He felt the moving lips over his and the seeking tongue inside his mouth. And he was painfully aware of the well-built body against his lithe one. Kakashi was overwhelming him with his attention and Iruka could not draw himself away.

Not that he wanted to release himself.

In fact, Iruka wanted to have his arms around Kakashi's neck and have his legs around Kakashi's waist.

He wanted Kakashi to ease whatever choked-up feelings inside him that had been torturing him ever since he watched Kakashi walked out through the main gate the morning he saw Kakashi leave for the mission.

He wanted Kakashi to tell him that it was safe to be feeling this way. That whatever he was feeling right now would not hurt him in the end. That Kakashi was not being another of the unpredictable jounin and would leave him whenever he felt like. That this was not some kind of game.

The fierce, intense kissing gradually lessened. The passion was still there – could never leave – but instead of demanding, Kakashi decreased the pressure of his lips and drew out his tongue from Iruka willing mouth to run it along the sensei's flushing lips. It wasn't long before Kakashi rolled over and pinned Iruka beneath him, having easier access to taste Iruka.

When Kakashi started holding down his wrists beside his head and started to do his own exploring – showering hot kisses across his temple and excruciatingly slow licks downward before nudging his already bruised lips to open – Iruka couldn't think. He couldn't speak. He couldn't even open his eyes. But, for the mercy of the stars, Iruka could _feel_ everything. Right from the questing tongue, sweeping across his so sensitized lips to the almost hurt and possessive grip on his wrists. He felt hot and cold and he was shivering as he was squirming.

He was falling so fast. What he felt for Kakashi was no longer attraction. Iruka knew somewhere along this road, wherever Kakashi tried to lead him, he was the one who was going to hurt. Iruka could not control his feeling. His heart had been yearning for Kakashi long before this night – it all started when Kakashi had given him the ribbon. Now the fascination and the desire were melded inevitably into love.

Iruka was falling in love with Kakashi. Iruka was falling in love with the legendary jounin. And if Kakashi was like any other jounin, Iruka knew his heart would be breaking a lot sooner. Jounins were never serious. They treated everything as games. Iruka could not bear the thought of Kakashi treating his feelings like just another game. Because Iruka didn't fall in love often. Because if Kakashi hurt him, Iruka would take a long, long time to will the heart to stop hurting.

If Iruka was any wiser, he would stop this, this _thing_ quickly. Because for each time Kakashi kissed his mouth, licked his jaws, bit his neck and covered his throat with his small kisses, Iruka fell several more notches in love and it would take even longer time for his heart to stop hurting when all this was over. But he had heard enough how love turned someone into blind and stupid. Iruka was stupid to let this go on.

Kakashi had awakened with guilt and anger around him. But Iruka was here.

The darkness didn't seem so hopeless and the guilt didn't seem so heavy anymore. He had heard Iruka's soft whispers and they were like the needed light to guide him out from his own created hell. He had felt the soft touches of Iruka's hands and suddenly Kakashi didn't feel so alone anymore.

Iruka was the second chance that he had always wanted. Iruka was the new beginning. And there was no way Kakashi would ever let the chuunin go. This time, he would give everything; his strength, his weakness, his past, his present, his commitment and his love, to Iruka. This time, he would fight the death to keep Iruka with him and if he lost to death, he would follow Iruka without hesitation.

And all he wanted now was Iruka's answer.

Slowly, Kakashi lifted his head and rolled them over so they were laying once again face-to-face, sharing one pillow. Their breathing was shallow and rapid, with the exertion of sharing passion that none of them had ever felt before. Kakashi closed his eyes, bringing his forehead to touch Iruka's. When their face was this close, Kakashi could feel Iruka's hot and heavy breaths against his face. He fought the urge to kiss the academy sensei into oblivion again.

"Iruka…"

Even in the dark, Iruka could still see the outline of angular, strong face of Kakashi. This was the first time he saw Kakashi's face and Iruka marveled at the lack of surprise in him. Perhaps what he had seen and known about Kakashi reflected perfectly in his face. There was no contraction, just an affirmation. And with his face bare, Iruka saw intensity written all over it.

Kakashi raised his hand, slowly touching the straying mahogany strands before pushing them off Iruka's forehead. He wanted to do this every night whenever possible for the rest of his life.

"Iruka…"

Iruka raised his eyes to met Kakashi's.

"I am serious…" Kakashi's face said it all.

And suddenly he couldn't breathe. This was not happening.

"About me…?" Iruka managed to whisper.

"About us."

Iruka needed to get out of here. He needed to think. He needed to _breathe._ He couldn't think or breathe if he was this close to Kakashi because he knew he would answer yes. Because his heart favored Kakashi helplessly and his mind would remain silent. Because Iruka wanted to believe Kakashi.

He had expected Kakashi to play games with him and now, being unpredictable, Kakashi said he was serious. Which game was Kakashi playing now? Or was he playing at all?

"…I…" Iruka choked. He had felt the pain of losing; he hadn't overcome it yet. He just couldn't prepare himself for another one. "…I've…"

"Iruka?"

And then, with agility of a shinobi, Iruka slipped away from Kakashi's embrace and in a blink of an eye, Iruka vanished. Kakashi watched, speechless, the swinging of the door.

If not for the scattered grading papers on the floor and the broken leather hair band on his pillow, Kakashi would think it was all a dream.

* * *

Iruka willed his panicky feet to stop. Blood roaring at his ears and his heart pounding hard, breaking his ribs. It took several moments for him to stop the hyperventilating. Looking around, Iruka realized he was standing just outside the hospital's area. 

This was bad. Iruka couldn't remember the last time he was this panic. Even when he was on mission, being chased by several chuunin, he was not this panicky. Reaching blindly for the white wall, Iruka slid down and sat on the pavement.

Kakashi was serious. Kakashi really wanted this. And Iruka wanted this too. Badly.

But Kakashi was also a jounin.

That was why Iruka was here, in the middle of the night, instead of saying yes to Kakashi. He had to think.

He had to make decision whether a short-term happiness with Kakashi was worth of the lifetime of pain and loneliness. But, then, he had already fallen in love with Kakashi. Whatever decision he took, he was bound to get hurt.

Perhaps thinking was a meaningless thing to do…

* * *


	5. Finding Courage

No excuse whatsoever... I'm just a lazy writer... heheh...

Thanks a bunch to my betas; FluffyDolphin and Non-serious Seriousness for their patience. You guys helped me a lot!

* * *

**The Beginning**

**Chapter 5:** Finding Courage

* * *

"What are you so afraid of?"

Papers in Iruka's arms scattered on the floor as the academy sensei turned around in trepidation. For days Iruka had walked around the academy, dreading the day Kakashi would find him again. He was afraid that Kakashi would come, and demand an answer that Iruka didn't know. He was afraid Kakashi would come and see just how deeply Iruka had fallen for him.

After the night he escaped from Kakashi's arms, he hadn't gone come back to that room. He was the cowardly one, running away from the very thing that he _should_ appreciate. Until the day he heard Kakashi was released and that was when the anxiety started.

Nights had him tossing and turning in sleeplessness, achingly feeling the increasing loneliness. Days had him walking around in unknown restlessness. There were times when Iruka wanted to be the one who found Kakashi and say 'yes, yes… oh God, yes! Please, love me… love me! Everything I am is because I love you.'

And there were times when Iruka wanted to run so far away from the man who had held so much power over him in such a short time; from the man who could hurt him in so many ways. How something as beautiful as love could be so painful, Iruka would never know.

And now, Kakashi was here and he had found Iruka.

Slowly, Iruka bent down to pick up the scattered papers; stood up and turned around. With his new courage, Iruka lifted his eyes and looked at the tall figure through his lashes. He hadn't seen Kakashi for a few days and now that he had, Iruka realized that he had missed the jounin. He had missed the unmistakable, compelling aura that Kakashi had around him and the piercing blue eye. Iruka felt his heart pound at the myriad emotions.

"Kakashi…" The name came out no more than a whisper. Iruka could not add 'sensei', not when his mind could still vividly recall the stormy kisses Kakashi shared with him. Nor the way he, himself, had acted that very night. Flushes appeared so easily.

"Iruka." Kakashi's sharp blue eye pierced so deeply into Iruka's. Then that eye wandered boldly downward to the scar across the nose, and down, down to the lips.

Shivers traversed Iruka's body and his lips tingled. No one had ever made Iruka feel so aware of his own body, like Kakashi did with a single stare. Passion blazed so painfully obvious between the two men.

Iruka looked away, breaking the fiery bond. His heart was beating so hard; Iruka wanted so very much to close the gap between them, pull Kakashi's mask down and kiss the man.

"What are you so afraid of?" Kakashi asked again. This time _he_ closed the distance. Iruka resisted the urge to run away.

"Perhaps afraid is too strong a word," Iruka began softly. He tightened his grip around the gathered papers, not caring about the wrinkles. He didn't like to think he was afraid of love. He could love Naruto and all of his other students even though he knew most of them would not make it past thirty without being scarred.

Kakashi frowned. By then, he was already close enough to Iruka, making the temptation to reach out almost unbearable. Kakashi raised his gloved hand and touched Iruka's face, coaxing the teacher to look at him. "Is it? You don't think that jutsu-ing your way out the other night was because you were afraid?"

"Afraid is too strong a word." Iruka repeated; this time he bravely looked up to Kakashi's eye.

"Then what?" Kakashi pressed, taking another step closer, frustration in his voice, "Was I being too fast? Was I pushing you too hard?"

Iruka opened and closed his mouth soundlessly. Kakashi sounded so serious. Maybe he was serious, like he said before. Maybe there wasn't any game being played here.

"Iruka…" Kakashi raised another hand and with both, he cupped the chuunin's jaw, "Tell me."

"What makes…" Iruka said hesitantly. He didn't want to say this but he needed to know. "What makes you think I… I want… all this?" Iruka waved his hand slightly, emphasizing his point.

He took a step away from Kakashi's powerful presence. "What makes you think I… want you…?" Iruka was looking anywhere but Kakashi's eye. Lying was not his strongest suit; lying was never his strongest suit.

Surprisingly, Kakashi smiled. The smile reached all the way to Kakashi's visible eye. "You do want me, Iruka," Kakashi said with confidence.

Iruka snapped his eyes back to Kakashi's, unable to believe his firm words as if there was no room left for doubt. He jerked his face away from Kakashi's hands; his jaws tightened in unfamiliar stubbornness.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at Iruka's new expression. He had seen Iruka looked peaceful and playful whenever he was with Naruto; he had seen Iruka looked serious, determined and yet so patient whenever he was with his boisterous students; he had even seen Iruka looked firm and irritated whenever he dealt with the ever thoughtless jounins. But Kakashi had never, ever seen Iruka when he was being stubborn.

His eye drank every line of expression on Iruka's face. There was an almost invisible crease between Iruka's dark eyebrows and his lips were set thin, forming into stubborn lines. And yet, nothing about them made Iruka look less appealing. Kakashi hid a smile. Iruka had never ceased to amaze him.

And Iruka kept making him want the young sensei more and more; he didn't think Iruka knew what he was doing to him.

"You don't know me." Iruka almost snapped.

"True," Kakashi cut in, "And I intend to spend my life getting to know you." Iruka could only gape at Kakashi's words. It sounded like a promise and Iruka didn't quite know how to react to that.

"But I have already kissed you, enough for me to know how you feel about me."

The crease between the eyebrows deepened. "Don't say things like that!"

"Are you denying what I'm saying?" Kakashi challenged. When Iruka refused to answer, Kakashi reached out to wrap his arm around Iruka's waist and pull the sensei closer. The papers crumpled between them but neither of them cared. He dropped his voice to a mere murmur, whispering with so much promise to Iruka's ear. "Would you like me to tell you how I feel?"

Iruka opened his mouth to throw out a retort but choked up when familiar and well-missed warmth pressed close to his body.

Kakashi ran his fingertips fleetingly over Iruka's sensitive neck, trailing an invisible path upward toward the flushing face. A sure but gentle thumb smoothed its way across soft lips, before Kakashi brought his mouth from Iruka's ear to hover slightly above Iruka's own. Breaths of whisper teased. "Would you like me to _prove_ it to you, Iruka…?"

Iruka's eyes widened at Kakashi's bold words. He bit his lips in dismay and a sliver of fear, familiar, cut through him when he felt the inevitable desire. He had no control over his body. Whether Iruka admitted his feelings or not, everything about him was already Kakashi's.

Iruka had lost this game before he even knew it started.

When Iruka gave him no answer, Kakashi proceeded on seducing Iruka, right there and then; privacy be damned. Now he had Iruka where he wanted him to be, he didn't care if the whole of Konoha saw him kissing Iruka.

And so, Kakashi pulled down his mask and kissed Iruka; slowly at first – he wanted it to be about love not lust. He wanted Iruka to know he was capable of love too; that all this was not only about lust; that the passion between them was real, so real that neither of them could ignore it.

He traced the soft surface of Iruka's lips with his own, gently and unhurried. He ran his fingers along the stubborn jaw, lifting Iruka's face upward for easier access. The arm around Iruka's waist tightened in possessive gesture. Time moved so slowly as Kakashi used his experiences to seduce the hapless Iruka.

Before this, he had used his skills and experience to seduce anyone who was willing. There were times when the nights could get so unbearable that even the toughest jounin craved for human touches to make him feel alive. And Kakashi did what he had to. But his previous encounters were memories of the past because now, for the first time, Kakashi was seducing _someone_ – not just _anyone_, not anymore – not for just one night but for the rest of his life.

He wanted Iruka's touches for today, for tomorrow, for the nights he came back from the hellish missions, feeling his soul numbed, for the mornings after he made love to Iruka, feeling like the luckiest man alive, for the days of celebration and for the times of trouble.

And more than anything he wanted Iruka to understand and to know how he felt.

Fingertips moved upward until Kakashi touched Iruka eyelashes; feeling, rather than seeing, Iruka's closed eyes as the young sensei began to lean forward into Kakashi's touches. Hearts beat so hard against each other; warmth spread and shared – Kakashi felt the familiar passion build like it did whenever Iruka was pressed against him. Kakashi kissed Iruka until they were sharing the same air, until he felt Iruka's fingers curled around his vest.

Kakashi lifted his lips slowly, reluctantly. "You do want me, Iruka," He said huskily; arms still wrapped around Iruka.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead breathlessly against Kakashi's cheek in defeat. The love he felt for Kakashi was daunting sometimes but he had no words to offer to Kakashi to say otherwise. He had no way to deny because he knew Kakashi had seen his fragile defense crumble.

"Iruka," Kakashi lifted Iruka to face him. "Don't deny it; to me or yourself."

Iruka watched Kakashi's bare face, washed with gold from the afternoon sun filtering through the window, not knowing he was blatantly admiring Kakashi. Intensity suited Kakashi very well.

Yes, he might lose Kakashi in so many ways. And he might get killed too, also in so many ways. They were both shinobis. Their lives were forfeit to the safety of Konoha. But how much of a fool would he be if he turned away from the chance of being loved? Iruka might not live to see next month or next year or even the next day _but_ he might just see Naruto becomes Hokage. And Iruka wanted to use all the time that was given to him to love someone.

To love someone like Kakashi.

To know someone like Kakashi.

Discovering and loving Kakashi for the rest of his or Kakashi's life were probably the best thing that could happen to him.

Iruka did not want to let that slip away.

"I'm not denying," Iruka said softly, his brown eyes met Kakashi's. Because it was time for him to stop fighting. Because it was time for him to just take what Kakashi was offering to him.

It took Kakashi several moments before the meaning sank in. And for those speechless and motionless moments, Iruka bit his lips uncertainly at Kakashi's reactions. When it did, Kakashi's eye went wide and a heartbreakingly beautiful smile formed slowly. Kakashi's face lit up with that single smile.

Iruka fell in further in love just when he thought he could no longer.

"I'm not and I can't," Iruka spoke up again, much clearer. "But, would… would you give me some time…?"

"Time?"

"I need… some time. It's too fast, too sudden," Iruka watched Kakashi's face darkened in dismay. "No! It's not you." Iruka corrected quickly, pulling Kakashi a little closer to him. "It's me! I don't usually feel this much in such a short time. I just… I need…"

Kakashi studied Iruka's flustered face and words. More than anything he wanted to say no. No! Stop whatever it is that you want to do with that time. If you'd come with me, I can show you everything you want. You don't need time; you need me.

But of course he could not say that.

He didn't want to give Iruka time. Time would make Iruka think and evaluate and he didn't want Iruka to reach a decision where he decided they could not have a future together. Time would make Iruka run away, again. No one in their right mind would want to have a long-term relationship with a jounin because of their dangerous work and their sometimes unpredictable nature. That was why jounins usually find solace in another jounins' arms – no complication, no fear of rejection and most of all, no commitment.

Everybody _knew_ that.

"I need time," Iruka repeated. "Kakashi…?"

Kakashi let out an inaudible sigh of resignation. He had, after all, pressed Iruka so hard and so fast that the least he could do was give Iruka this. He pulled himself away and pulled up the mask. Reluctantly, he nodded.

Iruka watched as Kakashi withdrew and suddenly an unknown rush of fear raced through him. It was irrational but the fear was there nevertheless. Before Kakashi could move away, Iruka reached out for Kakashi's gloved hand and held it tightly. "…Would you… Please… wait for me?" Iruka asked. "Wait until I… I'm ready?"

Kakashi watched Iruka's apprehensive face, vulnerable and so damned cute that there was no way for Kakashi to say no. And he said to himself, _you can have all this… Iruka and his gentleness and his quiet strength and his willingness and his life… you can give him yours too… and all you have to give him is the time he needs… _And Kakashi could be patient.

Iruka was worth it for every single minute Kakashi endured.

And hearing Iruka's words, asking for Kakashi to wait for him, Kakashi somehow got the feeling that everything would be fine.

"Yes." He said simply before he leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on Iruka's lips. "How could I not?"

* * *

The clock struck six times, telling Iruka that it was time for his shift to end. Well, his shift might have just ended but there was no way Iruka could stop. Jounins were so inconsiderate sometimes, Iruka huffed in annoyance. If he received scribbled reports containing but a few words, Iruka would still count his blessings. It was the reports that were _mangled_ beyond repair, with words that were not only vague but unreadable, they annoyed Iruka to the point he wanted to shove the reports back to the owners and tell them to file the reports by themselves.

His back hurt and his eyes ached. He had been _trying_ to read a report sent by Genma-sensei and trying was all he had done so far. Rubbing his eyes, Iruka resisted the urge to use his water jutsu to drown the paper. But damn it, he would be happy if all reports he received were like Gai-sensei's; yes, they might be fully capitalized and have bold _adjectives_ that Iruka would soon lose the points, having to read select words but Gai-sensei's writing was big and it was readable!

"Thoughtless jounin…" Iruka muttered under his breath.

Giving another annoyed huff, Iruka put aside the report and reached out for another one. It was from Hayate-sensei. And Iruka wanted to cry. What were all these? _Encrypted_ kanji?

He knew that this would be another long shift.

The clock chimed seven times. _Yes, I know that. Thank you for reminding me._ Iruka thought sourly.

"Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka whirled around and saw Sandaime standing behind him, patiently smoking his pipe. Instantly, Iruka stood up and bowed respectfully to the aging Hokage. "Hokage-sama."

"What are you still doing here? I thought your shift ended an hour ago." Hokage asked.

"Ah, just finishing up today's paperwork. I'll go home when it's all sorted out." Iruka said, gesturing at the scattered reports on his table.

Sandaime hmm-ed thoughtfully. Then, he smiled. "Would you mind stopping for today and having a drink with me? It might be a little late for tea, but I would love some."

Iruka glanced back at the catastrophe on his table and then, back at Sandaime. Really, that wasn't a hard decision. It had been a little while since he had had drink with Sandaime. "I would love to. Just give me a few minutes?"

Sandaime nodded his head and turned around to walk back to his room.

After a few minutes clearing his desk and gathering his things, Iruka found himself seated in front of Hokage with streaming cups of tea on the table.

"How are things, Iruka-sensei? Konohamaru didn't give you a hard time, did he?" Sandaime began.

Iruka's smile was a mixture of amusement and a grimace. He remembered yesterday's incident where Konohamaru's water jutsu had gone awry and flooded the class, and had found out later that it wasn't the boy's jutsu that caused the flood, but Konohamaru had brought a supply of water with him, in case his jutsu didn't work. "No, of course he didn't."

Well, it was the truth. Comparing Konohamaru's antics with Naruto's pranks, Iruka considered himself lucky to have Konohamaru as the most troublesome student.

Sandaime chuckled softly. "You are giving him a lot of credit, Iruka-sensei."

"He deserves it." Iruka said simply.

"I couldn't help but noticing that something was troubling you." Sandaime began. That was the reason he was standing behind Iruka-sensei just now and had invited the young chuunin to have a drink with him. Konohamaru had pointed out Iruka-sensei had been looking pre-occupied for the last few days that the sensei had almost been hurt for not noticing the flying shuriken thrown accidentally at him until a little too late.

Iruka raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I am not really sure what you mean," he said evasively. _Of course_ there was something troubling him. Kakashi was giving him the time he needed and now, it had already been three days and Iruka still didn't know what he needed the time for.

And to make matters worse, Kakashi was giving him so much time and space that whenever they crossed paths, Kakashi acted as if nothing had happened between them. Iruka didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"A pre-occupied sensei, teaching a room full of armed and unskilled students is a danger, not only to himself but to the children he is responsible to protect." Sandaime said calmly. "Konohamaru mentioned that you got your leg hurt for not noticing the shuriken that was astray."

_That little tattler._ Iruka thought without any resentment. "It was merely a scratch. I was careless, that's all."

"Which you cannot afford to be." The older man reminded him. "It isn't like you at all. Is there something troubling you? You know you can always tell me anything, Iruka-sensei."

That was true. Sandaime had been there when Iruka was so lost after his parents' death. Sandaime had been the one to see the real him behind the prankster he tried to become. And Sandaime had been the one to save him. Hokage might not know this, but to Iruka, Sandaime was the closest thing he had to a father after his own father's death.

"I don't want to trouble you with my worries." Iruka said hesitantly.

"I invited you, Iruka-sensei. It is no a trouble at all." Sandaime chuckled again.

"Ah, yes, right." Iruka smiled back, flushing slightly. He took a tentative sip of the steaming tea, trying to find words.

Sandaime waited calmly for the academy sensei to start. He didn't want to push Iruka. No one asked it of him, but Sandaime would always feel a little bit responsible for Iruka-sensei. Maybe it was just the man himself that made him love Iruka like his own child.

"Do you think I'm afraid of love?" Iruka blurted out. Oh, damn it. He had tried to find more coherent and yet not too straightforward words but they came out differently.

But Sandaime just smiled wisely, knowingly. "What do you think?"

Once Iruka had started he couldn't control his mouth. He had been spending three days, thinking of why he wanted the time; why he _needed _the time. He still didn't know the reasons and yet still felt he wanted the time so badly. It was all too confusing. "I know I'm not afraid of love. I mean, I love Naruto and all other students I have taught. The feelings just come naturally. I didn't give any thought of whether love scares me or not. It has never been an issue…

"But when…" Iruka swallowed hard, unable to continue. _But when Kakashi came and without hesitation stated that he wanted to have a relationship with me… I panicked…. I ran away… When he found me again, I agreed… and then… I… ran away… again? _

Iruka's eyes widened at the sudden realization. Was that true? He had said to Kakashi that he wanted time but in reality, was he running away again? Had Kakashi noticed that? Even when he, himself, had not known the reason he wanted the time. "I am such an idiot…" Iruka whispered so softly.

"You're not, Iruka-sensei." Sandaime said gently.

Iruka raised his brown eyes, looking years younger and a lot more vulnerable than Sandaime had seen Iruka since he was a little boy, crying in front of his parents' tombstone. He looked lost.

"You love Naruto and your students. But, on the other hand, you _love_ whomever it is. Of course it is a very different thing." Sandaime smiled.

"But that is so silly, isn't it?" Iruka said. "Turning myself away from the chance of being loved. I ran away once and now, I thought I was thinking but the truth is I am running away again. And… and I think Kakashi knew I was running away but he gave me time anyway. What is wrong with me?"

_Ah, so it is Kakashi._ Sandaime mused. The knowledge almost made him smile; to think how Iruka had asked him about Kakashi when he first made Kakashi Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura's sensei. Or the time when both of them had an argument over the chuunin test.

Most people might think the word 'relationship' would never come up in the same sentence with Iruka and Kakashi but Sandaime had never thought so. In fact, it should not come as a surprise Kakashi had fallen for Iruka. Iruka made it too easy for someone to love him; only most people didn't put in much effort to look at Iruka-sensei So easy for anyone to love Iruka that even a seasoned jounin like Kakashi did not stand a chance.

And Sandaime was glad; he wanted Kakashi to find his own happiness and he knew that no one could make the jounin happier than Iruka, if the academy sensei could overcome whatever it that was troubling him. And he knew if Kakashi saw what exactly what Iruka was worth, maybe, he could offer his own happiness to the lonely academy sensei in return. They deserved each other.

"You have never fallen in love before, Iruka-sensei. And, regardless of my efforts, you have never recovered from your parents' death."

Iruka bowed his head, mumbling his apologies. Sandaime waved it away.

"Kakashi is a jounin;_ the_ jounin, in fact." Sandaime continued. "I may be wrong, but subconsciously you didn't think you could accept and deal with another loss."

Iruka gripped his teacup tightly, unable to look up and face Sandaime. "I know that. I've thought it through. No one lives forever and Kakashi is here and he wants me. I know I should take whatever is offered to me and be thankful for it. I know I have to take the chance of happiness when I can."

Sandaime raised his white eyebrows. "What really happened, Iruka-sensei?" Everything Iruka said was expected. "I have this feeling that there's more."

"I said yes to Kakashi." Iruka whispered. "But then I said I wanted time."

"And is Kakashi giving you that?"

Iruka could only nod. He felt sillier for each word he told Sandaime.

"You said yes but could not take the last step?" Sandaime asked.

"The last step?" Iruka looked up. "What do you mean the last step?"

A few moments of stunned silence filled the space between them when suddenly, Sandaime laughed. Iruka had never heard Hokage laugh like that before. And he laughed again until glimpses of tears emerged at the corner of his wrinkled eyes. "Ah, I've forgotten how young you are, Iruka-sensei. You are usually so capable and mature that sometimes I forget."

"Hokage-sama?" Iruka couldn't help but frown.

"The last step, Iruka-sensei." Sandaime smiled. "If I know Kakashi at all, I think Kakashi was being his impatient self and pushing you."

"But, Hokage-sama," Iruka protested. "Kakashi isn't at fault. It… It is me."

"No, to a certain extent it is Kakashi's fault too. Iruka-sensei, you are not afraid of love at all. You are just uncomfortable with the feeling of losing control whenever Kakashi is around. You are unaccustomed to the change Kakashi brings with him. I know Kakashi can be a little too persuasive sometimes and the more he thinks something is worth fighting for, the more persuasive he becomes."

Iruka's frown carved deeper. He wasn't convinced, but then, this was Hokage. He was one of the wisest men Iruka had ever known. "…Perhaps… But what does that have to do anything with the last step you mentioned earlier?"

"Ah…" Sandaime's smile went wider. "Take the first initiative, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka blinked at Sandaime's vague words but more than that, at the aging man's unfamiliar mischievous smile. He did not understand.

"First initiative? For what…" Iruka started before the meaning sank and flaming blushes immediately colored his dusky cheeks. "I… you don't mean… I…" Iruka couldn't believe he was having this kind of _talk _with Hokage-sama.

"Yes, I do mean that." Sandaime was chuckling freely now.

* * *

When Iruka was finally on his way home, his face was flushing with vibrant red and instead of concentrating on the road, his mind was at war. The whole conversation was so surreal. Never in Iruka's wildest imagination would he think Hokage-sama and him would have _that_ kind of conversation. And over the tea!

_Right, Iruka._ Iruka produced a grimace. _Like that really matters._

How had his routine and mundane life had turned so upside down? Iruka didn't know. But regardless of what he felt of the conversation he had with Sandaime, there were several things that made Iruka really stop and think about it.

Losing control? He was afraid of losing control? He had thought the fact he was losing control did not bother him anymore but apparently he was so wrong. Was that why he always recoiled from Kakashi whenever the man would get too close and too personal? Had Kakashi pushed him so hard that Iruka had felt the need to run? And he _had_ run away; twice.

Hokage-sama had mentioned that when he said yes, he had accepted the fact Kakashi was jounin and all the risks that came as a package. It was not the fact that Iruka feared Kakashi might get killed. It was, in fact, the power Kakashi held over him – the power to make him weak, the power to make him do anything Kakashi asked of him and most of all, the power to _hurt_ him.

Iruka was losing control of the stability in his life and it scared the hell out of him.

He wouldn't have known. Iruka realized. Without someone pointing it out to him, Iruka knew he wouldn't have known. He was as inept as a teenager whenever it came to emotions. Perhaps because he was so reserved in nature or very, very cautious in dealing with people that Iruka would never, ever know why he felt the way he felt.

At some point in the conversation, Iruka had confessed to Sandaime that he was embarrassed by all the complications, but Sandaime had just smiled gently. _The first step is always faltered. What matters is that you have the courage to take the first step. The rest of the journey will follow naturally. _

_Courage_. Iruka thought sourly. It would take more than just courage to do what Hokage-sama advised him to. It would take both courage_ and _experience, which he was sorely lacking in.

Taking a deep breath, Iruka gave himself a mental shake.

Okay, so he had sorted out his messy emotions. But for him to take the first step? To be the one to pull Kakashi forward and pull down the mask? To be the one to kiss Kakashi, instead of letting himself be kissed? To say all those persuasive words that were usually uttered by Kakashi? And he was supposed to do that without fumbling and blushing and stuttering over every single word?

He didn't know how Hokage-sama thought him, becoming the _seducer_, was supposed to help his current problem because Iruka could not see _how_, no matter how much he rationalized!

Iruka stifled an embarrassed groan. Kakashi had been the one that led and he had always been the one that followed. Kakashi had always been the one who found the words and he had always been the one that was left speechless. Kakashi, who had years of experience of lovers; while Iruka spent most of his time in the academy and in the mission room without much human interaction beyond his students.

Almost all the time, whenever they were together, Iruka was rendered awkward, clumsy and very irrational.

There was a time when Iruka wished to know what Kakashi saw in him.

Because right now, compared with Kakashi, Iruka felt he was lacking in many ways.

Taking the first initiative? That would take a _miracle_.

* * *


	6. Seduced

Sorry it took so long (you guys probably are tired listening to this ;). But it's finishing, I promise!!! Thank you for being so very patient with my slower-than-dying-snail pace. I love all your reviews immensely. And of course not to forget my wonderful, patient betas, who listen to my whines and bear with my pushy side, Non-serious Seriousness and FluffyDolphin. I can't thank you guys enough!

* * *

**The Beginning**

**Chapter 6:** Seduced

* * *

In his 25 years of living; with all the people Iruka had had the opportunity to work and befriend, Iruka had never thought he would fall ridiculously in love with the Copy-nin. Sharingan Hatake Kakashi himself. He was a chuunin and he was also an academy sensei. Given where he worked and with whom he met, Kakashi and he would never meet paths. Their circles of friends were so strikingly different and their field of work would never present the opportunity for them to be teamed together. And yet, of all the odds, here Iruka was, feeling the emotions he had never felt before regarding a certain jounin that he would never dreamed of even _meeting_.

Life certainly had a funny way of turning things upside down. Iruka had heard it before; he only believed it _now._

It had been more than a week after the dreadful talk with Sandaime-sama. And as the days passed, Iruka hated himself even more. Kakashi had come twice for the mission and Iruka saw the burning question in the jounin's ice-blue eye. Both times Iruka had wanted to yank the mask down to kiss Kakashi and yet both times he had just sat so stupidly before the jounin unable to do what both his heart and Sandaime were urging him to.

Both times, he saw the hurt flash across Kakashi's eye before the silver-haired man turned around with mission's scroll in tight fist. It hurt Iruka, too, in a most inexplicable way.

Now Iruka found himself wondering how he was supposed to seduce Kakashi. If that. Even if he somehow managed to dig out courage somewhere, he couldn't bear if Kakashi laughed at his seduce attempts. That could happen. That _would_ happen. And what was more, he didn't even know whether Kakashi was _seducible_. Was that even a word? Iruka thought irrelevantly. He should look up when he got back…

He groaned softly at his train of thoughts. This was getting absolutely no where. He needed help; he needed someone to tell him what the hell constituted as success and what constituted as foolish and painfully inept attempts. Iruka's safe ground were the topics he taught; the history of Konoha, chakra knowledge and even how to kill someone with only one kunai from far away – but he _didn't_ teach how to seduce a legendary jounin with predictably unpredictable reactions; therefore, he didn't know.

Should he ask Anko? Iruka thought. The persuasive woman had been chasing him to get laid for _years._ Iruka knew Anko would be more than excited to divulge all kinds of tips and perhaps even give him a live demonstration showing him the best places to touch Kakashi (not that she hadn't offered before). …Um… on second thoughts, that sounded scary. Maybe not Anko…

Genma-san, then? With the frequent shameless public display with Raidou-san, Iruka knew Genma-san could do more than teach him. But then, Iruka might not even have the courage to _ask_ Genma-san in the first place. Anko was different; she was his childhood friend. Genma-san was someone whom he frequently worked with whenever he worked in Mission Room. Who knew to whom Genma-san would blab and Iruka certainly didn't want the whole village know about this… inadequacy.

Strike Anko; strike Genma-san and a big, capital NO for Sandaime-sama. He was still recovering from the Blush of Doom resulting from the _friendly _TALK with Sandaime-sama. No way could he survive if Sandaime-sama talked to about best place to kiss, or certain place to touch with that solemn, all-knowing tone. That…was…just…too disturbing for words...

With all the names immediately forthcoming crossed off…it never ceased to amaze him how few his close friends were. One was psychotic and the other was not even friend – Sandaime was like a father to him. Genma… was someone he saw often. Spending most of his time with children below 12 years, it is no wonder he had ended the way he was now. He couldn't even _talk_ to Kakashi properly without having a _panic attack_.

What should he do then? Iruka rested his chin on the folded arms that were resting on the table, waiting for more jounin and chuunin to pass up their mission reports. Today was a slow day and since he was on the last shift, there were only a few people around him, also waiting impatiently for their shifts to end. Asking people was out… what else was he to do if he wanted to know something and there was no one to answer him? …

Books? Iruka raised his head a little at the thought. He could handle books… Books had never scared him before. Except for porn… Not porn, ever… he just couldn't… perhaps a guide book…? Like, like a cookbook he had bought a few weeks back. The cookbook even had tips for success. Was there even a guide book on how to seduce someone?

Like… pre-heat the oven for an hour to ensure nice rising of the dough…

Now that didn't sound right._ At all._ Despite the slight blush, Iruka let out a soft laugh at his own silly thoughts. As if Kakashi even need an hour of pre-heating! Eyes went wide at the thought and careless laughter ceased, instantly. He did not just make a lewd remark about his own _cookbook!_

"Is there something amusing you would like to share, Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka almost jumped, but managed to cover the response, at the deep voice. There was no way he would appear surprised; not when he was still on duty. He looked up and surprisingly saw Kakashi. Previous thoughts filled his mind and immediately blush came with vengeance.

"Err…" Iruka began awkwardly. "It's nothing…"

Now, as he watched the reddened cheeks; too damned adorable to be legal, Kakashi knew whatever Iruka was thinking before had him in it. "Really, Iruka?" Kakashi raised his pale eyebrow – too knowing for Iruka liking.

"Really," Iruka said firmly as he busied himself with his already neat table. No way he would let Kakashi knew what he thought about the jounin and the _oven_. Or pre-heating for that matter. Looking up at the clock and then to Kakashi he said with a soft teasing tone and a smile, "Aren't you early today, Kakashi-sensei?"

Smile tugged underneath the mask. Kakashi wanted so much to kiss the teasing grin on Iruka's face. He wanted to taste the joy that Iruka always seemed to carry with him. "Maa, Iruka-sensei…" Kakashi teased back. "I didn't know you are counting the time."

"People can't help counting time when they are waiting for _you_, Kakashi-sensei." Iruka pointed out with a jaunty smile. "They are all waiting for the three-hour time period between when you are supposed to arrive, and when you do, to be over."

Kakashi couldn't help the light laugh Iruka's comment evoked from him. Before this, every time he came to Mission Room, Iruka would just stare at him silently and he would ask the unspoken question. _Are you ready?_ Ready for him to move into Iruka's life. Ready to quit running away because _damn it!_ Kakashi was right in front of him, holding out both of his hands to Iruka. He was here to stay; definitely not going anywhere – not if he could help it. He was done with meaningless flings with people he didn't know; people he didn't want to know.

Ready for Iruka to reach out to him because Kakashi could not do this alone.

Yet for each time they met, Iruka would look away all guiltily, answering his question with an equally silent answer and what else could Kakashi do except to turn around? It didn't make any sense, anyhow, the hurt he felt whenever Iruka denied even the existence of the question. It was not as if he knew the chuunin long enough for his heart to be feeling this strong.

But today, Iruka was openly teasing him. Iruka was smiling at him like they were long-time friends. Iruka didn't opt for the silent treatment anymore. Perhaps Iruka was _ready._

Hope unwillingly soared inside Kakashi.

"Yeah, people only count time when I'm late." Kakashi said. "But I'm early and you still count the time."

Iruka's eyes widened at the subtle but definitely unmistakable insinuation. Kakashi bent down so that his face was brought close to Iruka's. _He wouldn't dare to kiss me in public! _Iruka thought wildly.

Fortunately (yet, Iruka couldn't help but feeling a little disappointed), Kakashi just whispered. "Be careful, Iruka… or I might think that you actually miss me…" Even with mask in the way, Iruka could still feel the ghost of breaths caressed his face.

For a wild, heart-thundering moment, Iruka considered escaping from the chain of fear and grabbing the temptation that was hanging so close in front of his face so he could kiss the smirking lips. For a crazy, unbelievably sensual moment, Iruka wanted to say _yes, I do miss you. Do you see what you have turned me into?_

Kakashi watched Iruka's playful face freeze and then the soft brown eyes transfix so intently on Kakashi's face, contemplating, weighing. Kakashi's heart quickened because he realized Iruka was finally, finally learning to release the chains that were holding him back.

He couldn't help himself. No matter how many times Kakashi told himself to give Iruka the space he needed so badly, he couldn't help himself. Not when Iruka was looking like this. So, Kakashi raised his hand to push the escaping dark strands off Iruka's cheek – slowly and almost tenderly. It was at that moment Kakashi realized he was the one who missed Iruka.

"Kakashi…" The word of warning came out breathless instead. Definitely not what Iruka intended. Regardless, his heavy eyelids lowered as Iruka turned ever slightly to the coarse fingers.

The sole blue eye followed the shadows of Iruka's hair against the tanned flesh, thoroughly fascinated. He was aware of the curious pairs of eyes that were watching but he couldn't bring himself to give a damn. "I think you do miss me…" Kakashi whispered teasingly. Then, "Do you miss me, Iruka…?"

Iruka raised his eyes to look at Kakashi. A fleeting, soft smile made appearance before disappeared. _You have no idea how much I miss you…_ Iruka thought. _And I, on the other hand, have no idea how I should let you know. _

But Kakashi was here now. Iruka could not let Kakashi walk away again like before. He needed to grasp the opportunity. He couldn't help but feel afraid that Kakashi would grow tired of waiting for him to grow a spine. _Do something, Iruka. Do anything. _

"…Would you like to…" Iruka suddenly blurted out before stopping himself – stop and think. What in the world did he think he was doing? He didn't even buy the cookbook – he meant, _guide book_ yet.

Kakashi cocked his head sideway. "Yes?" He goaded, but was carefully to at least try to keep his voice platonic. Not yearning.

"Well…" Iruka hesitated. _Ask first,_ the voice inside his head persisted, _and then you can buy the book._ What if there was no such guide book? Iruka tried to argue. _If ridiculous books like Icha Icha exist and there are people who actually read them; then anything else is possible. _The voice countered.

If Iruka hadn't been so nervous, he would have laughed at the silliness of the conversation. Not to mention at the fact it was one-sided.

"Iruka…?"

Oh, the hell with it, Iruka thought. If worst came to the worst, he could just ask Anko instead. He thought he could survive Anko's live demonstration; how long could it last anyway? "I'm having _grand dinner_ with Naruto this weekend." Iruka said quickly. "Would you like to come too?"

Oh, the terror of taking first initiative, Iruka thought. He wondered whether his face was as red as he felt it was. Iruka looked down, fully expected Kakashi to outright tease him about asking him on a date. _Not really a date; Naruto would be there._

A single finger was hooked under Iruka's chin and it pushed Iruka's face upward to face its owner. Iruka saw the visible eye curved into an inverted 'U'; definitely pleased. "That is one invitation I could never say no."

Iruka raised his eyebrows before a relieved smile broke free. No smart remarks and no smarmy jokes. _Thank you for not laughing at me._ Iruka thought. "Because of the free food?" Iruka asked.

Laughter escaped the jounin before he quickly dipped low to place a quick kiss on Iruka's cheek. As Kakashi watched the flushing face of Iruka, he smiled softly. "Yeah, that too."

And he turned around to walk out of the room, waving a careless hand. Joyful whistles echoed throughout the empty hallway. Iruka sat stupidly with his hand fingering the warmth of Kakashi's kiss on his cheek, staring unblinkingly at the doorway. A wide smile graced his face.

_Well, it's not that bad. _The voice whispered smugly. _Right?_

* * *

"Iruka-sensei!" A loud, clear voice rang throughout the almost empty street. It was pretty late in the evening and almost everybody was in their own home.

The sensei, who was carrying several scrolls in one arm and a bag of recently bought groceries in the other, turned around at the exuberant call from behind him. Instantly, a wide smile appeared on his kind face as he saw a blond boy waving enthusiastically at him while dragging another obviously annoyed boy.

"Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun," Iruka greeted the boys in return, silently grateful that Naruto didn't tackle him to ground as usual; especially with all he was carrying. "It's kind of strange to see you both together without Team 7 as an excuse," he teased.

Naruto laughed while Sasuke just glowered at the laughing boy beside him. Iruka smiled at the familiar picture the two boys presented. Really, Iruka thought, some things would probably never change.

"Ne, ne Iruka-sensei!" Naruto bounced excitedly. Sasuke rolled his eyes at the other's antics. Naruto was so embarrassing to be with; he didn't know why he even bothered to go anywhere with him. "Can Sasuke come too?"

Sasuke frowned at the sudden invitation.

Iruka-sensei tilted his head to the side in amused contemplation; his usually soft brown eyes twinkled in hidden mischief. Sasuke didn't at all like the sudden expression on his former sensei. "Sasuke-kun wants to come, as well?" Iruka raised his eyebrows, looking at Sasuke who was looking suspiciously at Naruto.

"No," Sasuke answered bluntly. Whatever it was, as long as it had something to do with Naruto, nothing good could come out of it.

Naruto shoved the brooding boy. "Stop being such a jerk to Iruka-sensei, bastard." Then, looking back at his sensei, the angry face changed abruptly to happy. "He is just shy," he said solemnly, as if it explained everything.

Sasuke whirled around to face Naruto. "Stop being an idiot for a second, will you!" he hissed angrily, mimicking back Naruto's earlier words.

Iruka laughed out loud. His constant worries about what he was supposed to do with Kakashi vanished for a moment at the nostalgic scene in front of him. It was moments like this that made Iruka grateful his responsibility to monitor them was handed over to Kakashi.

Inevitably, shoves worsened to punches and punches started to turn into suspicious seals. Iruka didn't doubt for a second that they would be making more than just a scene. Sighing silently and with ever great patience, Iruka juggled his burdens to bring his hands together and made a few seals. Years of experience forming seals with his arms full of scrolls and papers (because an academy sensei would always be a practice target for incorrigible students) enabled him to perform kage bunshin effortlessly and quickly. Poof! Two irritated, dangerous–looking Irukas stood arms akimbo behind the quarrelling boys.

"Are you _done_?!" Iruka corked his eyebrow warningly, his clones mimicking the expression. Both Naruto and Sasuke froze automatically. It was never good when Iruka-sensei sounded like that; they usually ended up tied to high places with Iruka-sensei, looking up at them and dusting his hands with evil satisfaction. Both of the clone Irukas wrapped an arm around each of the troublesome boy's necks and brought them to face the real Iruka with his arms full of scrolls and groceries.

"So, Sasuke-kun," Iruka tried again. "Naruto asked whether you could come. Do you want to come?"

"No," He continued to sulk. Iruka's mouth twitched with grin. He was such a cute kid; if only he wasn't burdened with such bloodied past. Sometimes, Iruka wanted to hug the angst filled boy like he did with Naruto. Somehow he didn't think Sasuke would appreciate his compassion; probably thinking Iruka pitied him, something he new that Sasuke would never permit.

And Sasuke would never admit he sulked, period..

"Why?"

"I don't know what he's talking about." Sulk, sulk, sulk.

Iruka looked at Naruto confused. "You didn't tell him?" Somehow, Iruka wasn't surprised. Despite it all, Naruto was as socially inept as Sasuke was. They might claim how they were so different and all, but Iruka knew how much both boys were alike.

"Well, I thought he would be grateful that, you know, I invited him to our secret dinner and all," Naruto said under his breath. Iruka-sensei was the only person in his life that able to make him squirm in guilt over something that he thought was so, so… right.

Sasuke frowned deeper. _Secret dinner?_

Iruka chuckled softly, undoing the jutsu causing both of his clones to vanish. The relieved expression on both boys' face was so comical that Iruka wanted to laugh again. "I promised Naruto a special dinner after his last mission but certain… circumstances prevent me from doing it sooner."

The unexpected injuries…Kakashi's admission…

Iruka wasn't surprised at his inability to not think about Kakashi.

He looked at the blond boy. "You should tell him properly, Naruto-kun. And no, I don't mind at all."

With that, Iruka moved away from the boys who predictably started squabbling again. The dark-haired sensei chuckled at the sound of indignant squawks (from Naruto, of course) and the grunting-bordering-on-whining (from Sasuke, not surprisingly). He could hear Naruto's shouts, trying to physically force Sasuke to come to dinner and Sasuke's frequent mutters of 'idiot' and 'shut up'. Shifting the burdens in his arms, Iruka shook his head.

It looked like he had to prepare dinner for four, instead of three. If Naruto had Sasuke, Iruka would no longer feel guilty about asking Kakashi to come to the dinner that was for Naruto's. He didn't want to render Naruto and himself awkward with Kakashi's presence, and now that he was reasonably sure (with his years of experience with Sasuke's mood) that the moody boy would come (it was Naruto after all who did the persuading), Iruka could breathe easily.

_Some secret dinner, this was turning out to be._ Iruka thought ironically.

Suddenly, his feet faltered in front of a bookstore. Well, he did plan to execute the seduce-Kakashi mission soon. Hadn't he planned to buy something to make sure he didn't screw up or something and end up making Kakashi flushed with hilarious laughter rather than passion?

The store was small but Iruka felt the building was looming over him. He had been in this building so many times but then he only bought books that would not cause the bookseller to raise his eyebrows doubtfully at him. Reluctantly entering the store, Iruka almost hoped the guide book didn't exist at all.

Damn it all, Iruka cursed silently. Kakashi had better not laugh at him for doing this because if the jounin did, Iruka would use all the kunai he had ever owned to pin Kakashi's mouth close. Catching the infamous copy-nin off guard laughing, he might even succeed.

An hour later, Iruka walked out of the bookstore with another book to carry; his face flushed with crimson embarrassment at the memory of the bookseller's eyebrows rising in initial surprise before being replaced with a knowing smirk.

* * *

"Bye, Iruka-sensei!!!" Naruto waved enthusiastically with his hands balancing leftover from the dinner and hugging his sensei's waist tightly. Beside him, Sasuke was carrying the similar plastic bag. The dark-haired boy raised his hand in stiff wave. Even so, Iruka could see the lines of perpetual brooding on Sasuke's face disappeared for the night.

_Thank God._ Iruka smiled at the departing boys (still arguing, of course), returning the wave. He wanted Sasuke to enjoy himself despite the forceful invitation and the struggle Naruto had put up to ensure Sasuke would dress _right_ for the occasion. That meant Naruto practically shoved the kimono at his friend. Sasuke naturally wore blue; Iruka didn't think he had ever seen Sasuke in any other colors and since it was Iruka's kimono that Naruto had donned, the picture that both of boys made wearing blue was kind of cute.

Iruka closed the door slowly. His heart started pounding hard. Now that Naruto and Sasuke had left and the dinner was finally over, Iruka could feel the nervousness that had been plaguing him throughout the dinner was blasting full force right now. He leaned his forehead against the door as he took a deep, calming breath, gathering the faltering courage.

Damn that book for giving so many instructions! Iruka thought sourly. He was so nervous right now that all the things that he had read before jumbled up into incoherent words. He couldn't even remember what he was supposed to do now!

_Calm down!_ Iruka closed his eyes. _The worst that can happen will be Kakashi laughing at you._ The image of Kakashi laughing at his efforts mortified Iruka so much that he had to grip his right wrist to stop himself from running away again.

Iruka straightened his back. He needed to get this over with before his courage left him entirely. Besides, Kakashi would come to check on him if he didn't get back to the kitchen soon. Amidst Iruka's chaotic emotions and thoughts, his sensibility chastised him for letting Kakashi deal with the dirty dishes.

Kakashi was dutifully rinsing the last bowl when he heard Iruka walk in. Instantly, a soft smile that was recently reserved for whenever he felt Iruka's calming chakra nearby appeared underneath the black mask – which had never happened to him before. His smile was always cynical, amused or even sad. But the kind of smile that Iruka invoked in him, Kakashi didn't even know how to describe.

It was just an_ Iruka_ smile.

When he had arrived, greeted noisily by Naruto, he was surprise to see Sasuke was there too. It was almost comical to see Naruto in the dark blue kimono (Iruka's, he supposed) and Sasuke in lighter shade because Kakashi had never seen any of students in anything but the same outfit's everyday. It made him wondered sometimes at the size of his students' wardrobe.

Naruto and Sasuke in kimono made them look almost civilized. In appearance, at least because once they started to bicker and Iruka, with red face and all, grabbed both boys in a futile effort to settle them down, not even the kimonos could help them. Furious Iruka was as formidable as Naruto often described to him. Not to mention, flaming hot, especially in that dark scarlet kimono with matching black sashes around his waist. Definitely sinful.

Iruka seemed curiously agitated though and even when he was scolding both boys he seemed distracted. It was odd considering that if anyone was to be distracted it would be Kakashi. Iruka had no right to wear that kimono and test his already thinned patience.

Kakashi knew he was sulking but right now he thought he deserved it.

Reaching for a towel nearby to dry off his hand, Kakashi turned around to face Iruka. Perhaps by asking Iruka what made him seemed so restless tonight he could distract his perverted thoughts about Iruka and scarlet kimono. Or a simple conversation with Iruka would do just fine.

There, standing at the entrance, was Iruka. One look at Iruka in beckoning kimono and all Kakashi's intention of having a simple, harmless conversation vanished. He should never have tried in the first place. And the sulk returned in full force. Didn't Iruka know what he was doing to him?

"You've finished with the dishes?" Iruka asked, "I'm so sorry Kakashi, you shouldn't be doing this. This is my dinner."

"Maa, no harm is done, Iruka," Kakashi waved the guilt away. "Let's just say this is my way of saying thank you for such a nice dinner."

"Next time, you bring the food, I'll do the dishes," Iruka offered, trying to assuage the lingering guilt.

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. "Already asking me on a second date, Iruka?" He smiled, "This one isn't even over yet."

Iruka blushed slightly at the teasing voice of Kakashi. Or rather, at the way Kakashi drawled out the words; they sounded sexy and seductive. "That's not what I meant," Iruka said heatedly, responding easily at Kakashi's provocation, "If you… I… we have another dinner… it'll be better if you… I… we…"

Suddenly, Kakashi laughed, startling Iruka from his stuttering. "What?" Iruka asked, looking a little bit stung.

Oh, my God… Kakashi thought, Iruka was pouting. And that image was definitely not helping Kakashi at all in his effort to make a simple conversation. All Kakashi wanted now was nothing like conversation. He wanted to draw Iruka close and kiss the pouting lips for all their worth. "Nothing, Iruka." _You're just too cute for your own good_.

Iruka shuffled uneasily while Kakashi spent several moments rubbing his wet hands with kitchen towel.

"Uh… they left," Iruka started again hesitantly.

With towel still in Kakashi's hand, he grinned. "Yeah, I can see that. In fact, the sudden disappearance of loud noise is the further proof."

Despite it all, Iruka raised his hand to rub the scar on his nose and laughed softly. "Naruto was lively. Even Sasuke seemed to have fun, well, in his own way." Then, a soft, fond smile appeared. "I'm glad." Kakashi melted at the adorable image in front of him.

"I think it is all you, Iruka," Kakashi said quietly, his eyes devouring the academy sensei.

Iruka started at the sudden compliment. A few moments of silence fell between them before his brown eyes softened. "I… well… Thank you, Kakashi. I'd like to think that too. But I think it was mostly the, though…" Iruka's voice barely covered the hidden pride he felt in his ex-students.

Kakashi could only hold back for so long. Iruka was wearing the very same expression Kakashi had seen and fell in love with, the night Iruka had comforted Naruto. He put aside the damp towel and walked toward Iruka.

He just wanted to touch the man in front of him; suddenly afraid it was an illusion or that he was under a very long, dreamy genjustu. Because Iruka could appear so unreal sometimes. No man or woman was able to make Kakashi felt this way; what kind of power did Iruka have that made him so different from others?

Kakashi reached out for Iruka, glad for the feeling of willingness Iruka gave back to him. He slid his arms around Iruka's waist and bent his head to put his face in the contour of Iruka's dusky shoulder, inhaling the unique scent that defined Iruka's presence. When Kakashi felt Iruka wrap his arms around his neck in response, breathing deeply against his ear, he tightened his embrace in sudden possessiveness.

They stayed like that for a few comfortable, easy moments. The nervousness that Iruka felt before disappeared as he felt his soul eased by Kakashi's presence. Kakashi always seemed to make things difficult for him but sometimes, at rare moments like this, Kakashi made things so easy. "Kakashi…?"

Kakashi raised his head and brought his hands to weave through Iruka's midnight-colored, thick hair, releasing them from the dark-blue ribbon that he had bought for the academy sensei. He liked watching the soft strands fall down; it was the privilege that only he got to see. "You've been teasing me all night," he murmured.

Iruka's eyes widened. "What?! I'm not!" _Teasing? _Iruka thought disbelievingly. _I've been agitated all night!_

Kakashi pretended a pout. "How can you say that?" Kakashi held back the laughter from erupting. "Don't tell me you're not wearing that kimono to tease me."

Iruka looked down at himself. Kakashi couldn't possibly know about him buying the book on how to seduce him, could he? Vibrant blushes colored his face. "I… I…" What could he say? That damn book said to wear a bright-colored kimono. But Iruka could never reach out for a screaming red one, mostly due to his reserved nature, and settled for a dark scarlet instead. He never thought that doing something completely opposite of that book would enable him to seduce Kakashi. How could a dark-colored kimono turn Kakashi on too? "I…"

Iruka wasn't outright denying his statement and Kakashi knew everything that Iruka said and acted was what the sensei really felt. Pretentious wasn't Iruka's way. So… that meant… Kakashi's eyes went wide in surprise and if not for the mask, his jaw would have dropped unceremoniously on the floor. Never in his wildest imagination that… Iruka was trying to _seduce _him? "You… are?"

Iruka's head snapped up. "I… I'm not sure myself!" Iruka defended himself. Then, as quickly as the words came out, Iruka slapped his mouth shut with his hand. _Great!_ Iruka thought in dismay. _That doesn't sound right._

"You're not sure?" Kakashi was feeling even more bewildered than he had ever been in his entire life. Iruka couldn't be that… inexperienced. A hot rush of heat ran through Kakashi's body at the revelation.

Iruka looked up at Kakashi's disbelieving expression. This was downright mortifying; Iruka almost groaned out his embarrassment. How could tonight quickly turn into such a disaster with so few words?

He knew the book would be a mistake. He should have just asked Anko instead. He should have given Genma-san a chance! What the _hell _was he thinking?

"…Kakashi..?" Iruka braved the questioning word when the said jounin seemed to have been rendered speechless.

All of a sudden, Iruka let out an undignified yelp when Kakashi surprised him by pinning him against the kitchen wall. Without pulling down the mask, Kakashi lunged forward to press his lips to Iruka's, hard but not totally unwelcome. Before Iruka could properly respond toward the kiss, Kakashi slid his lips away to trail kisses along Iruka's jaw then moving downward to the dusky neck.

Iruka gasped when he felt the cloth-covered teeth bite the soft skin below his ear, almost painful but strangely pleasant. Kakashi's hand reached up to tangle his fingers among the dark strands, pulling Iruka gently towards him. It was long before the lips left the sensitive spot and continued the trail of kisses across Iruka's shoulder as Kakashi used another hand to push the scarlet kimono away to reveal the whole length of tightly muscled shoulder.

Kakashi's movement was urgent and demanding. All that Iruka could do was digging his fingertips into Kakashi's silk-covered back, anchoring himself from being completely swept away by the turbulence of Kakashi's attention.

This was not what Iruka had planned. He planned to seduce Kakashi. Damn it, he bought a book for that very reason! How in the world did he end up being seduced instead? He was slowly losing the control he had wanted to regain and that particular fact caused the panic to inevitably begin seeping in.

Thoughts swirled incoherently and another rush of pleasant feeling swept through Iruka as Kakashi did something with his teeth again.

He should stop… this… He wished Kakashi would stop that thing with his teeth… He could not think. …He needed to take control of the situation. He needed to get away from Kakashi. He needed to breathe. He would do something the book told him to even if it killed him, for God's sake!

"…Kakashi…" The name came out as moan, asking instead of protesting. This was not working at all. Kakashi made a low, humming sound as if agreeing to whatever it was that Iruka was asking.

Vaguely, Iruka felt Kakashi was pushing the kimono off of his other shoulder, leaving both of his shoulders bared. He felt Kakashi press the whole length of his body against him, sharing the delicious heat. The mask was frantically pulled down and the now bared lips moved upward, covering his mouth once again; the heated kiss stole Iruka's protest. This had already gone too far. Iruka needed to take control now if he ever wished to make use of that book!

"Kakashi! Wait!" Iruka gasped breathlessly, "This is not the way this is supposed to go!"

_That_ got Kakashi's attention. Movements ceased as Kakashi lifted his face to look at Iruka's flushing face. The academy sensei's midnight-colored hair was wildly disheveled, looking very, very tempting because Kakashi knew that it was his fingers that had run through it – not another person's. With both of his shoulders bared and desire clearly written on Iruka's face, Iruka was the most alluring image he had ever seen.

Iruka was equally surprised at his own sudden outburst.

"Supposed to go?" Kakashi raised his eyebrow; smile easily curved. "Are you planning something for tonight, Iruka?"

He would never, ever, ever do this kind of thing again. And he should have known Kakashi would ask embarrassing questions like that. What else could Iruka say but the truth? "…Yes…," Iruka gave a small, uncertain nod, looking everywhere but Kakashi's face.

At Iruka's forced confession, Kakashi could not help himself from falling even more in love with the younger sensei in front of him. Generosity was one of Iruka's many traits that made Kakashi love him and to see Iruka's generosity being presented to him again and again, blazing desire and need consumed him, burning hotter than before. "You mean there's more than just that kimono?"

Iruka was still looking everywhere but at Kakashi.

"Tell me," Kakashi leaned forward. He whispered against Iruka's ear. "How exactly did you plan tonight to go?"

"I…I'm supposed to be taking the first initiative…," Iruka muttered under his breath. He wished that there was a big, deep hole somewhere so that it could swallow him and he didn't have to face Kakashi and listen to his words.

"The first initiative?"

"_I'm_ supposed to seduce _you_!" Iruka snapped and watched Kakashi's face. Even if Kakashi's face had not been unmasked, he could have seen that Kakashi was struggling to hold back the laughter that he had feared.

Before, he had thought that if Kakashi laughed, he would feel only humiliated. But now that it happened, the hurt that Iruka felt was too painful for him to hide. He wanted to shrink from Kakashi's touches.

"Don't laugh…," Iruka said quietly, "…Just please…don't laugh…"

Kakashi looked at the hurt on Iruka's face and realized the courage it had taken Iruka to confess, let alone to even do all this. He was an idiot to throw away what Iruka was offering; especially now that he knew it was rare. He reached out to cup Iruka's face, coaxing the chuunin to look at him. He could feel Iruka flinch slightly from his touch_. Oh, no,_ Kakashi thought, _You are not going to run away from me again._

They had shared an enjoyable night and had had the wildest intimacy Kakashi had ever experienced in his life with just a few kisses. He would not let Iruka shrink back behind his barriers again; not because of his stupid fault.

"Iruka, I'm not," Kakashi stated firmly, "You are just full of surprises. I wasn't expecting that at all."

Iruka marveled at the relief he felt. He didn't realize how much the thought of Kakashi laughing at him stressed him. "…Oh…"

Gathering Iruka close to him, grateful that he wasn't turning away from him anymore, Kakashi spoke up once again, teasing tone to his voice. "Well?"

"Well what?" Iruka looked up suspiciously.

"I thought you planned to seduce me tonight."

Blushes were back once again with vengeance. "I…I don't know if what I planned would…would work at all."

"The kimono seems to work on me just fine," Kakashi pointed out, openly leering at the flustering sensei.

"I…I didn't follow the book's instruction when I chose this color." He wished he could stop stuttering.

"You bought a guide book to seduce me?" Kakashi's eyes went wide in blatant appreciation. Iruka was a sensei to the end and had bought a guide book instead of porn. He was so goddamn lucky. "Well, sensei, I didn't know you had it in you."

"I… I…" Iruka gave up as he raised a hand to half-cover his hot face. "Oh God… this is getting ridiculous…," Iruka muttered lowly, "I should never have said anything. I should never have thought of this. I should have just…"

"Iruka," Kakashi interrupted. Iruka removed his hand to look at Kakashi. The jounin stepped a few steps backward, distancing him from Iruka and spread his arms invitingly.

"_Seduce me."_

The voice was deep and intense. The look on Kakashi's face brought an involuntary shiver. For a moment, silence filled the space between them.

Iruka could only gape at Kakashi. Was the jounin serious? Kakashi's serious look told Iruka that he wasn't teasing him. Somehow, despite his awkwardness and rapidly failing attempts of Iruka's seduction, Iruka had a feeling Kakashi _liked_ them all. Why was it everything that the book said and he _didn't_ follow seemed to be the ones that actually _worked_? "…What if… what if you don't like it..?"

"You seduce me even when you're not trying," Kakashi smiled, "What do you think would happen if you tried?"

"Whatever it was that I did before, trust me, it was not intentional."

Kakashi loved Iruka even more. His obliviousness was too adorable for Kakashi to ignore but still, he restrained himself. If Iruka wanted to be the one taking the initiative tonight, Kakashi was more than happy to let him. "Why don't you try what feels right?"

Iruka eyed the jounin warily. "For real?"

"Would I joke about this king of thing?"

_No, I suppose not. _Iruka thought, _This is the Copy-nin Kakashi. The one who walks around the village parading that awful orange porn book. Jiraiya-sama should give Kakashi commission for that free advertising._

After all, what was the worst could happen? He already sucked badly at this whole seducing thing and Kakashi hadn't laughed. Well, _almost_ hadn't laughed but it was way better than Iruka imagined his reaction would be. Rather than follow what the book said, which, Iruka might add, didn't work at all, Iruka wanted to do something that he liked instead with Kakashi.

"Then…," Iruka decided as he smiled up at Kakashi. Certain now that Kakashi would not laugh at him anymore, Iruka felt confidence creep back into him. He straightened his rumpled kimono into more dignified position and retied his hair.

Kakashi raised his eyebrows. Iruka, putting his clothes back _on_, was not what he expected at all. Intrigue, however, outweighed disappointment.

"Would you like to take a walk with me, Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka held his hand out to Kakashi, looking at the jounin expectantly. Iruka's bright smile entranced Kakashi. "I want to show you something."

* * *

This chapter is killing me...--; I reaally hope you enjoyed reading it.


	7. The Last Step

AN: I'm so slow... and late in every chapter. Even Kakashi would have excuse, regardless how ridiculous it is. I'm so sorry...

Ah, yes, thanks a lot to my lovely, lovely betas; the inspiring Non-serious Seriousness and the patient fluffy Dolphin.

* * *

**The Beginning**

**Chapter 7:** The Last Step

* * *

Being in love was something Iruka thought he could get used to. As he walked with Kakashi's warm hand in his grasp; in contrast of the chill night air of middle autumn, Iruka could easily see his future with Kakashi in it. As they walked on the completely deserted road – it was very late at night after all – silence sat comfortably between them and every now and then, Iruka couldn't resist a glance back at the man he was currently leading.

Kakashi looked so very good in that kimono, he mused.

The mask was pooled at his neck, leaving the face bare and only a piece of silk covered the Sharingan. At his apartment earlier, he hadn't got the opportunity to run his hands across the soft material of the kimono; he had been so distracted by Kakashi's ministrations. Now, under the bright moonlight, the silver strands glowed almost ethereally, making Kakashi look far more beautiful than what Iruka deserved – a ridiculous notion, with Kakashi being a deadly jounin and all, but Iruka couldn't help himself.

He had wondered countless times before what Kakashi saw besides a plain chuunin with dark skin and a scar that marred his face? And he still didn't know why.

Uncertainty was creeping back, but Iruka steadfastly ignored the feeling as he tightened his hold on Kakashi's hand, focusing on that warmth. He had made his decision to take Kakashi there and he _would_ follow through. Whether Kakashi liked it or not, Iruka refused to think of what he would do _next._

The occasional glances were given with the utmost secrecy, but still, Kakashi was painfully aware of Iruka's blatant appreciation. The jounin's heart quickened at the way Iruka's eyes lowered, watching him at the corner of his eyes, the way the dark lashes shadowed the soft brown eyes and especially the way Iruka thought _he_ didn't know.

If Kakashi hadn't made the statement inviting Iruka to seduce him, Kakashi would not hesitate to show Iruka instead that he _did_ know about the surreptitious glances, and how exactly he felt about them.

But not yet.

Kakashi told himself repetitively. Not yet. Something told him that letting Iruka set his own pace was important, hadn't the chase itself proved that? He didn't know what made Iruka reach the conclusion, but Iruka was finally taking a step closer toward him and this relationship and damn if he would do anything to discourage it.

"Are we there yet?" Kakashi asked, tone half serious belied by the humorous smirk.

Iruka tugged Kakashi's hand playfully and he gave the jounin the sweetest smile Kakashi had ever seen. "Not yet. Getting impatient, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Nope, just can't wait to get to the you-seduce-me part." Kakashi let out a laugh at the now, gloriously familiar rush of heat on Iruka's cheeks.

"You just cannot stop being a pervert for even a second, can you?" Iruka muttered.

Kakashi posed a thoughtful face. "Well, if I am in my perverted mode, I would do this-" breaking off, Kakashi pulled Iruka into his arms, and succumbed helplessly to his initial urge - to show his own appreciation of Iruka. And Kakashi did _more_ than just glance.

The kiss was fast and uncalculated. Kakashi's hot mouth touched more than just Iruka's lips; it wandered inevitably to the slanted cheekbone and a sharp suckle on Iruka's neck, evoking a sudden gasp from the chuunin.

Harsh breaths were shared between them. For a few moments, Kakashi caressed Iruka's temple with his lips. "…And I will never stop…" Both breathed huskily.

In response, Iruka ran his fingers lovingly through the pale silken mass, delighted to find them so soft. For each time Iruka uncovered something unexpected from Kakashi, he felt closer to the man, who had remained mysterious not only to him but to all who had wondered endlessly.

Kakashi had a dry sense of humor, and possessed the power befitting his reputation; to have courage, to stand proud; after all he had been through…to have an aura that evoked a sense of fear and admiration – respect – from people around him and despite it all, Iruka marveled to realize Kakashi was a patient and definitely sensual man.

And to be wanted by such a man… Iruka closed his eyes as he pulled Kakashi closer to him. He was the lucky one. He hoped, almost desperately, to have everything Kakashi looked for, and that he would have anything Kakashi could have ever wanted.

Unexpectedly, Iruka laughed as he looked up at the jounin before raising his eyebrows. Brown eyes shone with unhidden emotions, making him appeared vulnerable.

"And if you are not in your perverted mode?" He teased softly.

Kakashi couldn't believe it. Did Iruka just flirt back? Was that a challenge he heard in Iruka's laughter? A sole blue eye looked down at the teasing face of Iruka, astounded.

"Is that an invitation?" Kakashi asked. His embrace around Iruka tightened.

Iruka frowned for moment, clearly confused before understanding dawned upon him. His first impulsive reaction was to object, heatedly; and his body even tensed in preparation... But Iruka's feelings were too close to the surface tonight. He wanted to do something about them… badly, only he didn't know what. Flushing predictably, Iruka just turned around and continued to walk again, tugging Kakashi's hand.

Kakashi's eye softened even further at Iruka's actions. He thought he could understand. For someone who was as private as Iruka, it was a victory to be able to make Iruka tease him back and be playful yet comfortable, even for those brief moments. Kakashi knew Iruka didn't understand the feelings, or maybe just didn't know how to act on them… He, himself, had not immediately understood his own feelings regarding the chuunin after the fateful night.

But then, Kakashi had all the time he needed to sort out his feelings before he tied the silk ribbon around Iruka's hair. He had the time to understand the swift attraction, to acknowledge the affection and to act on the passion.

And when he acted on his passion; he pushed, he persuaded and he kept on showering kisses until Iruka was all breathless. He hadn't given any chance to Iruka; he hadn't given any time to Iruka. What other kind of response Iruka could give him but panic? He had pushed and Iruka had run away.

Now, Iruka had thrown away his fear. Kakashi wanted to tell him how he admired Iruka even more for it.

Continuing on, Iruka felt immense relief when Kakashi didn't say anything. Sometimes, he wished he could just take whatever lewd remarks Kakashi threw at him with ease. So that he wasn't rendered painfully awkward each time. Being a reclusive person sucked big time, sometimes, Iruka thought.

So, instead of humiliating himself even more, Iruka concentrated on bringing Kakashi to the place he had kept secret almost all his life.

Kakashi's eyebrows rose in subtle curiosity when Iruka led him out of Konoha proper and ventured in to the forest. But instead of kept on walking deeper into the forest, Iruka simply followed the small path running along the edge of the forest until they came upon a rise. Telling Kakashi that if anyone had come here, they would have thought that they had reached at the end of the road.

The place that Iruka wanted to take Kakashi to was his own sanctuary. He had first found the place not too long after his parent's death, and the finding and what he found had been a relief – he had been desperate for something to ease the choked-up pain from the sudden lost. The beauty of the place had stolen his breath when he first set his eyes upon it, and continued to, whenever he came to it. Its vivid serenity even more prominent at night, where there was no other sound except for the whistling breeze.

"I was eleven when I accidentally found that place," Iruka spoke up suddenly. "That day I was…" Iruka gave an embarrass look at Kakashi before carefully choosing the words. "..._reprimanded_ by my jounin sensei." When in actuality he was escaping from his angry sensei because he was playing another of those pranks again for the kind of attention that he knew he would never receive otherwise. It had been particularly emotionally exhaustive day for him, because it was the one year anniversary of his parents' death.

"I was angry so I wasn't really looking where I was running to." Then a shy laugh that Kakashi found he would always be drawn to escape from Iruka's mouth. It had been so bad then – as he ran, blinded by his angry tears and feeling of worthlessness, his feet had been caught by unseen roots – but now, when Iruka thought about it back, he found that he had been so immature and demanding in his earlier days. It was embarrassing.

"So, I tripped over some roots and then, I had taken a tumble down the grass covered ledges." Iruka said in a faraway gaze. That day he had lain unhurt but stunned and that was when his eyes caught the clearing.

It took only a second of staring and Iruka had fallen in love with the place.

"It's that where you're taking me?" Kakashi murmured; absolutely thrilled and delighted to have Iruka told one of his pasts to him. Even if the story-telling on Iruka's part was done in an incomplete way – Kakashi was sure that the embarrass tone hid most of the details away – Kakashi was still captivated.

"Yes," Iruka finally looked at Kakashi. "I want to show you that place." _I want to show you my childhood place; I want to show you my sanctuary; I want to show you one of the deepest parts of me. _

Because years later, whenever he felt the pressure of handling the children was too much or whenever he felt really, really underappreciated by his ever thoughtless superiors and jounin; this place had never failed to bring back the calmness and the tranquility that he had sought. The secret place was his and his only; he had never thought of sharing it with anyone before. Not even Naruto.

With Kakashi's hand within his grasp, Iruka couldn't help but realize how much Kakashi had broken through his defenses, because he hadn't really even thought twice about bringing Kakashi here. To the place which had witnessed his childhood grief, his teen-age angst and his adult frustration. To the place… where he had told all his childhood fantasies bared his teen-age crushes and revealed his adult ambitions.

To the place that was brimmed with secrets and unattained dreams.

"Close your eyes, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka said; his voice held an odd tone. Kakashi heard it – it was hard to miss – and he complied without saying anything.

Kakashi felt he was being carefully led upward, along the almost invisible path, to the place that felt considerably higher and more open because he could feel the breeze touching insistently his naked face. "Are we standing close to the ledge?" Kakashi asked.

"Yeah… that was fast," Iruka looked at the jounin, admiringly.

"Practice." Kakashi grinned. "With only one eye, you'll never know when you might lose another one."

Soft chuckles echoed in the silent forest. Their hands clasped together were tightened when Iruka whispered, "Open your eyes."

Kakashi blinked repetitively to let the minimal light into his sole eye, getting used to it, again. Then he blinked some more, as he took in the view Iruka had led him to. From the very edge of the ledge, the scene in front of him was the most incredible sight he had ever seen, and probably would ever see.

It was nothing but the softest and the lushest field of grass. The newly formed late night dew tipped every blade and the breeze blew all around it; making the grass dance in a ripple pattern to the music that the wind created. The movements were rhythmic as the grass moved side to side in perfect synchronization and the glistening dew drops brought a shimmering effect to it all, as the pale moonlight washed over the clearing. It almost looked like…

"…the sea…" Kakashi breathed.

Iruka took a step even closer to the ledge, posture confident. "Isn't it magnificent?" The awe was clearly in his tone; it was present, every single time he had come, despite that number being so high. Iruka gave a thoughtful nod to Kakashi's voiced observation, "I've always thought it looks like the sea, too."

"How come I never knew about this place?" Kakashi wondered aloud, talking to himself more than to Iruka. "And here I thought I have uncovered every inch of Konoha's forest."

"Maybe because it was hidden by an inconspicuous rise, people mostly don't care." Iruka offered; his eyes were still on the clearing in front of him. The place, which knew him so well, gave him the extra courage he needed.

"If I knew who, rather than what, lies behind it, I would certainly care," Kakashi teased and gratified to hear Iruka soft chuckle.

"Does that line always work for you, Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka's lips twitched.

"Oh, of course," Kakashi laughed. "I'd only use the best when I'm with you."

Iruka was laughing now. "Somehow, I don't feel very flattered."

Kakashi pulled Iruka closer to whisper close to Iruka's ear. His voice was low and purposeful, "Is it so? Hmm… Perhaps I should try even harder."

Iruka flushed. "Ah… Just… just… not here…" As soon as the words came out, Iruka could only groan at choice of words. As if Kakashi needed even more sentences open to interpretation like that.

"I'll take that as a promise, then," Kakashi said lightly, his enjoyment immensely increased at Iruka's responses for all of his own words and actions, let alone anything Kakashi could do to the chuunin.

Turning their attention back to the sight before them once again, Kakashi took his own time to more properly appreciate the place. Really, this was easily the most relaxing place he'd ever come to, and even if Iruka had said "not here," Kakashi vowed one day he would spread a cloth in the middle of this clearing and make love to Iruka until neither could ever look at this place without thinking about them.

"What makes you love this place?" Kakashi asked, looking at Iruka.

"I… can sit here for hours, especially after a trying day, and just watch. You should see this place in the early morning; the light makes the grass shimmer even brighter." A wide smile, like only a few Kakashi had seen, graced Iruka's face.

"Is this your sanctuary, Iruka?"

"Yeah…" Iruka said back, his eyes remaining fixed on the beautiful sea-like grass in front of him. "I feel like I was sitting on rocky cliffs, watching the sea with steady waves."

Iruka gave Kakashi a shy glance beneath the dark lashes and a tentative smile that gave the jounin a pleasant jolt inside him. "…I always think this is what the sea would look like with its gleaming waves and the calming feeling…"

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow in apparent surprise. "You've never been to the sea before?"

The blush graced the dark skin, making Kakashi itch to kiss the reddened flesh. "I… I think I've been there once before, when I was a little…but I can't remember. And I've always had this feeling of loving the sea, even though I can't ever remember what it looks like in actuality.

"But," Iruka gave a self-depreciating laugh as he scratched his scar self-consciously. "It could also because I'm being fanciful due to my name."

That was so cute, Kakashi thought helplessly, but then, so far, everything Iruka said and did was cute and adorable… So, his own judgment was probably biased – given his smitten state. It was impossibly not to be biased… He loved everything about Iruka, right from the calm, rock-steady sensei that Naruto and other countless students clung on to the sometimes shy, self-conscious and nervous young man.

So many layers for Kakashi to uncover, so many sides of Iruka for Kakashi to learn and Kakashi had all his life to experience it all.

He couldn't wait.

"If it is your name, tell me this, Iruka," Kakashi smirked. "Do you have any hidden kinks for dolphin stuffed toys?"

Iruka gave a mock glare, but Kakashi could see the hidden mischief that still hung on to the sensei's personalities from his much younger years, in the corners of his mouth. "Even if I did have hidden kinks, I wouldn't tell you."

Kakashi laughed as he reached for Iruka's waist with his hand and pulled the chuunin closer. "I don't need you to tell me, _sensei_, I'm going to find it all on my own." The leer was unmistakable.

"Oh?" Iruka fought the blushes that threatened to deepen. Really, Kakashi was shameless and perverted and absolutely _shameless!_

"And just how do you propose to do that? People have told me countless times that I can be _such_ a difficult person to get to know," Iruka asked with a playful grin on his face, despite cringing internally. He couldn't believe he just said that.

Kakashi was definitely a bad influence. Not that Iruka cared, really.

"Hmm…" Kakashi pretended to ponder, delighting in the fact Iruka was playing with him. "I could tie you to bed, tease you mercilessly until you blabber all your secrets away…" The smirk was evident. "It has proven to be very effective, you know."

This time, blushes deepened furiously; not even Iruka could will them down. "You perverted jounin," Iruka muttered. "I'll show you I'm not that easy." Raising his eyes to meet Kakashi's amused one; he said challengingly, "I'll have you know that it will take more than a few tickles for me to tell you anything."

Shit, Kakashi thought. Now he was getting aroused. With Iruka looking like that, caught between embarrassment; a shyness that was all Iruka, and mischievous; a playfulness that was new and yet so very enticing, Kakashi realized at this, that in Iruka's own way – oblivious and unplanned – the academy sensei was seducing him.

Right from the very beginning when Iruka brought him here, Kakashi was seduced. Kakashi was seduced by the soft looks Iruka gave to the nostalgic place; by the playful tone when Iruka teased him; by the nervousness Iruka helplessly displayed when Kakashi spoke his lewd remarks.

And Iruka was _succeeding_ through it all.

"Sensei…" Kakashi purred in low, husky baritone. Deliberately, of course because there was no way Kakashi would be the only one who was all hot and bothered while Iruka knew _nothing_ about what the chuunin was doing to him. "Trust me; it will be _more_ than just a few tickles. I've got you tied to the bed, remember?"

"I didn't think you'd let me forget about that." Iruka said back impudently. "I'm beginning to wonder whether it is I who is discovering _your_ kink instead."

With that, Kakashi threw his head back and laughed. It was unlike any other laughs that Kakashi had shown him. Before had been soft and amused chuckles and even sometimes abrupt, short laughs. Now, Kakashi was laughing like he was content, happy.

Iruka was mesmerized as the familiar feeling of longing squeezed his heart.

Iruka wanted to do _something_.

"Kakashi…?"

Kakashi wiped off any lingering laughter when he heard the strange tone. Looking down at Iruka, he answered, "Yeah?"

Iruka bit his lips as he gathered his courage. "Can I kiss you?"

Kakashi raised his eyebrows at the strange question. They have shared many kisses before and not once the question came out. …But then… it had been all on Kakashi's part. He was the one who initiated the kisses and not Iruka. This was the first time Iruka wanted to kiss him.

He raised his hand, letting go of Iruka's hand that had been holding all the time, to caress the academy sensei's face. "Please…" Kakashi whispered humbly.

Iruka gave him a fleeting smile as he reached up to bury both of his hands in Kakashi's thick hair, weaving his long fingers among the fine, silvery strands. The feelings that were so close to the surface finally broke through at the sight of Kakashi laughing as if the jounin was happy with life.

Kakashi was happy with him.

Maybe they could really make this fight and flight, _somewhat_ weird relationship, work after all.

"I… I've never seen you laugh that way before," Iruka whispered softly, unsure whether he should voice his thoughts so carelessly. It seemed a rather lame thing to notice, in light of everything. Kakashi may not want to know that. Emotions choked his words back, once more. "You… you…"

As he saw Iruka trying to break through the security – the walls – that he had erected around himself, Kakashi felt humbled. He no longer felt like he was the only one who was pushing and trying to make this work. Iruka was taking one step after another; following initiative after initiative, walking even closer to Kakashi, instead the other way around. Even if it was somewhat slow, tentative and occasionally wary, Kakashi knew that all these were not easy for Iruka.

And Kakashi could handle slow, because even if Iruka did it slowly, he also did it in sexy-as-hell way; not that the sensei realize, as usual.

"Yes?" Kakashi said softly, encouraging.

"You'd probably think this is stupid but… but you look so different," Iruka said in his own shy and irresistible way.

Different. When he had been told he looked _different_, it was usually from the person who had seen him kill and couldn't relate the cold-blooded killer with the lazy, devil-may-care attitude he shows in the village. And Kakashi hated that kind of different.

"Different… in a good way or bad way?" Kakashi asked cautiously.

Iruka smiled as if he understood Kakashi's tone. Maybe Iruka did realize. His fingers that were still Kakashi's hair pulled Kakashi's face downward as Iruka moved upward, meeting Kakashi's lips halfway.

Just before his lips touched Kakashi's, Iruka whispered, "Definitely in a good way…"

And the same electrifying feelings whenever their lips touched sparked. Iruka slowly moved his lips and Kakashi was content to let Iruka set his own pace.

While Kakashi's kisses were always hard, sure and never failed to leave Iruka breathless, Iruka's kiss was slow, savoring… uncertain… lest he do something wrong. The first touch was testing, probing and when Iruka felt Kakashi's willingness… he grew bolder, opening his mouth to fit the contours of Kakashi's lips perfectly. Kakashi liked Iruka's kiss very much, of course; he tightened his grips around Iruka in response as his mouth moved in synchronize with Iruka.

Iruka grew more assured when he felt Kakashi's immediate response to his kiss. And he tilted his head upward to press their lips deeper in a kiss that was anything but chaste. He shyly ran his tongue along Kakashi's lips; just like Kakashi did earlier, asking for the already given permission. His fingers gripped the moonlight-colored hair.

Kakashi groaned at steadily built arousal at Iruka's slow kiss as he fought the urge to take control and ravished Iruka. The pleasant pressure Iruka put on his scalp didn't not help him reigning in his needs either. Nevertheless, despite of his urges, he opened his mouth a little wider as a sign to allow Iruka in.

The tongue moved in obediently, tasting the mouth for the first time. Iruka found Kakashi to taste like mints with hints of dinner they had had just before. It was addictive, Iruka decided. He could get used to this taste. In fact he could even learn to love-… like it. Without realizing, in Iruka's efforts to kiss Kakashi's mouth deeper, he had pushed the taller jounin to the nearby tree.

Kakashi let Iruka took over completely. He took pleasure in Iruka's shy enthusiasm and seductive curiosity as he drowned in the feeling of Iruka's lithe body pressed against him; his hands holding onto him as if he didn't want to let Kakashi go for the world; his tongue tasted him as if he liked what he had found out.

Iruka's lips left Kakashi's to shower soft, warm kisses all over Kakashi's face, returning the favor; the urge to love the jounin was so real, so intense that Iruka could no longer imagine his life before falling in love with Kakashi. He could not imagine _not_ loving Kakashi as he did right now; did not want to. His lips touched the scar that ran through the red eye and Iruka did what he had wanted to do ever since the night he saw Kakashi had watched him with Naruto.

He pulled Kakashi face even further downward as he brought his hand up to push the piece of cream-colored silk away from the Sharingan eye. His lips followed the scar's ridge, kissing and licking the scar, trying his utmost to wash away every pain and hurt that he sensed came with the mark. When his lips reached the eyelid that covered the deadly eye, Iruka dropped the softest and the gentlest kiss on it.

It was as if Iruka was saying, '_I am sorry for everything that had happened to you… Even when I don't understand anything… I am sorry I wasn't there when it happened…'_

Kakashi knew it was absurd but even after so many years of denying, Obito's eye hurt him; Iruka's soothing kisses suddenly made his heart lighter. Iruka's compassion and gentleness warmed his cold heart and for one unbelievable, moving moment, Kakashi had the wildest urge to cry. For his sensei; for Obito; for his father and lastly for himself, who had lost everything and everyone… to cry the tears that he thought he could no longer shed.

To cry he tears that he thought had long dried.

And under Iruka's softest kiss, Kakashi felt that he was finallybeginning to heal from the wound that bled for all those unnoticed years.

When they parted, sounds of breathlessness echoed through the once silent forest. Iruka looked up to watch Kakashi's face. The now swollen lips quirked into a slight surprise smile as the red eye shimmered with something that looked suspiciously like unshed tears. The pale face was flushed with strained arousal and what Iruka hoped to be affection. Maybe even love, if Iruka might dare say it. Kakashi had never said the word love; Iruka figured the jounin didn't want to hear it just yet.

The mismatched eyes were on fire with unfathomable intensity as it scrutinized Iruka's equally flushing face.

And despite it all, Iruka thought Kakashi looked _soft_, and very, very _gentle._

To know that this powerful jounin with the equally intimidating reputation throughout the Fire Country, and beyond, could be rendered like this with something as simple as kisses – _his_ kisses, even if they were inept and clumsy – made Iruka _finally_ realize that Kakashi, too, was losing control of his own life.

Just like him.

Exactly like him.

_Both_ of them were new to these kinds of feelings. He wasn't alone in this. Kakashi, too, probably had never felt this way. Only that Kakashi had the extra courage to push the fear away and take what he wanted. He had responded to the fact that he was losing control by facing the very reason that made him felt that way. And Kakashi did it in such a relentless way…

And him? Iruka had run away.

Instead, Iruka chose to hide behind the dubious safety of his barriers – those that he had built up all these long years. He had been safe there and he had been – was still – reluctant to come out when Kakashi came calling. If not for Kakashi's persistent ways, Iruka would probably never have come out from his safe zone. Ever.

Suddenly, the reason why Sandaime told him to take the first initiative was clear. Sandaime wanted Iruka to see _this_ side of Kakashi – the softer, gentler and more vulnerable side of Kakashi. Sandaime wanted Iruka to realize, that despite of Kakashi's frightening reputation, the obvious perverted personality and the sometimes cold words, Kakashi was still a human.

Kakashi was the one whom Iruka could attempt to seduce and succeed; the one whom Iruka could make him feel high with emotions; and the one whom Iruka could hurt in so many ways. Sandaime, in his wisdom, wanted Iruka to see that there was _nothing_ for him to be afraid of; _never_ while he was with Kakashi.

Watching the emotions playing so vividly on Iruka's face, Kakashi smiled. It never ceased to amaze him to know another shinobi, who had his share of killings and bad memories, could have a face so open and _honest. _Wear it all on his sleeve when he wasn't behind those familiar barriers.

Kakashi honestly knew, then, that he had fallen in love, first, with this aspect of Iruka before anything else.

He felt like an empty icy shell without real emotions and Iruka, on the other hand, was full with them. There was passion, clearly, in Iruka's life, everyday, and Kakashi wanted to taste it now. To know what it felt to be passionate about something – to be compassionate – to be happy. To be _loved_.

It certainly felt as if he was loved when Iruka kissed him like that. No one ever bothered to be _gentle_ with him; maybe his sensei did, but he was too young and too cocky to appreciate it. Still, everyone else thought he was unbreakable and he would always be the hard-rock foundation that would never, ever cracked. They saw no reason to doubt.

With Iruka's face looking like that; like the sensei had a revelation that maybe – just maybe – he could love Kakashi back after all; made Kakashi realize he would feel all those things, again.

With Iruka. For the rest of his life.

Something about his epiphany must have shown on his face, as Iruka slid both of his arms around Kakashi's broad chest and leaned his forehead against Kakashi's neck. Listening to Kakashi's thundering heartbeats, his matching beat for beat; he could feel Kakashi's arms wrap around him tightly. Lovingly.

_He was ready._

"Kakashi…" Iruka whispered.

"Yeah…?" Kakashi said with equally subdued voice.

Iruka closed his eyes. "I'm serious." He repeated Kakashi's words earlier.

Iruka could feel Kakashi's body tense with surprise and could hear his breath literally stop, as if Kakashi couldn't believe the words Iruka spoke.

Somewhere, Kakashi knew what Iruka was saying, and the gravity of those words. Something had happened; somewhere along the kisses that Iruka had given to him, something had happened that made Iruka say those words. What could possibly have happened that finally convinced the academy sensei?

A few stunned moments passed before Kakashi replied in quiet tone. "About me?"

Kakashi felt Iruka shook his head in silent 'no' and saw Iruka pulled back a little to look at Kakashi. He saw the sweet, soft smile on Iruka's face and his heart tugged at the beautiful image in front of him.

"About us…"

"About us?"

"Yeah… no more running for me. I'm done…"

Kakashi's reaction was to abruptly gather Iruka into his arms and pull the academy sensei even closer to him in a tight, bone-crushing hug. Iruka didn't complain, for once, about the pressure of Kakashi's arms around him – because ironically, the pressure from Kakashi's hug was easing his frothing emotions. Iruka stood on his toes and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck.

"So you'll stay with me?" Kakashi whispered to Iruka's ear.

Iruka buried his face in the contour of Kakashi's neck, memorizing the way Kakashi smelled, tasted and felt tonight. This was what his heart had always wanted him to do, the stupid thing, and now Iruka couldn't stop if he wanted to, which he didn't.

"As long as you want me too,"

Kakashi gave a choked laugh. He showered his kisses all over the side of Iruka's face, in return for the sweet comfort Iruka had given earlier. He was feeling so much around Iruka, he couldn't help but feel everything too much. It had been so long…

"Sensei… that would be a very long time…"

The smile on Iruka's face was wide, as he breathed out the next words.

"And I am looking forward to it…"

* * *


	8. Love and Family

**The Beginning**

**Chapter 8**: Love and Family

* * *

The usual dark and gloom of the house was shattered by the long unheard sound of laughter. The laughs were unstrained and free and they never stopped. Of all the deserted houses and of all the unwashed stains of sins in the area, that house shone bright with its cheerful lights filtering through the opened windows and sounds of people rustling around and talking loudly in lively ways.

For the first time in a long time, the Uchiha district whispered no more of unsung lament and silence vengeance; it sang of blooming and vibrating life.

Inside the house, in the living room, sat Iruka and Naruto exchanging stories of their pranks while Kakashi's eye twinkled in unhidden amusement and fondness and Sasuke listened with vivid doubt all over his face. Perhaps he couldn't reconcile the serious, sometimes frighteningly fierce academy sensei that used to tie him up in high places with Naruto with the image of a young boy who had tried to paint Sandaime's face while the Hokage was asleep and actually_succeeded_.

The table was nearly groaning with the weight of food that Kakashi brought (it was Kakashi's turn) and some that Iruka had cooked (never again would they ask Naruto or Sasuke to cook). They had spent the last hour laughing (Sasuke nearly smiled, Naruto would have sworn it, but there was no way the icy boy would ever admit to it), and talking as their faces flushed with hilarity and happiness.

"I don't think I can ever forget the way Anko-chan looked when she realized that I had replaced her dango with a waxed replica. It actually took her three chews for her to notice that it was a fake!" Iruka regaled them with a large smile. "Of course, I was running for my life for the next three days. You wouldn't believe how scary she is when she's angry."

"I believe you, sensei," Sasuke agreed fervently, remembering the chuunin test. Kakashi noted with silent amazement Sasuke had slowly lost his icy reserve as one by one unseen expressions graced the boy's face.

Naruto, obviously, was thinking the same thing as Sasuke as he nodded vigorously.

Kakashi quirked his pale eyebrow. "Did something happen to both of you that I actually missed making fun of?" The mask hid the evil smirk.

"It's nothing!" Naruto denied loudly. "Nothing that would concern you, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Really, Naruto-kun?" Iruka looked at the blond boy. His face was flushed with previous laughter and his eyes glinted with a playfulness that Kakashi had never really seen before. "Because the only time that I can recall you guys meeting her was during Chuunin test and she told me that –"

"Iruka-sensei!" Both of the boys protested loudly, obviously not wanting to give Kakashi-sensei anymore embarrassing stories that would promise them perpetual humiliation.

Iruka's eyes widened slightly at the sound of Sasuke complaining like the young boy that he should be, instead of the vengeance-driven boy that he was. Apparently, Kakashi realized it too because Iruka saw Kakashi look to him before shaking his head in awe. Butterflies fluttered pleasantly in Iruka's stomach.

"Iruka-sensei," Kakashi drawled teasingly, "One of these days you must tell me. Without the boys' loud protests, of course. I'm running out of things to tease them about; you can only make fun of Naruto's clumsiness and Sasuke's icy angst so much."

It was comical to see Naruto and Sasuke exchanging horrified looks. Iruka couldn't help but laughing out loud again. "You are an evil person, Kakashi-sensei!" Iruka said.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto whined. "You're supposed to be on our side, not Kakashi-sensei's!"

The look of outraged betrayal on Sasuke's face agreed with Naruto. "Kakashi-sensei has corrupted Iruka-sensei," Sasuke observed with an adorable frown.

Iruka resisted the urge to draw both of the boys toward him and engulf them in a hug. It had been a very long time since Iruka had seen Sasuke act anything resembling his age or Naruto act so very happy without a mask of pretense on his face.

"Yeah!" Naruto suddenly jumped up. With an accusing finger pointed out to the still smirking, smug-looking jounin, Naruto announced, "I'll not let you do that to Iruka-sensei!"

"Naruto!" The admonishment that Iruka intended didn't come out intimidating at all since it was hard to sound threatening wtih peals of laughter still bubbling inside. "Don't be rude to your sensei!"

Kakashi looked at Iruka; he was itching to kiss the flushing face and taste the happiness upon those tempting lips but he really didn't think Naruto nor Sasuke would appreciated that very much. Yes, after several grand dinners, Kakashi concluded that Naruto and surprisingly, Sasuke, too, were fiercely protective of their previous sensei.

Naruto was easy to read with his blatant affection showing through loud voice and shameless hugs. Kakashi only realized Sasuke's silent protectiveness when the boy had volunteered to cook (disastrously, Kakashi might add) for their third dinner when he'd observed Iruka was too tired from teaching a handful pre-genins and Kakashi almost smiled to see the barely hidden flush of pleasure when Iruka thanked him profusely while his hands settled in an almost familiar way on Sasuke's shoulders.

Of course, even the burnt dinner and horrifyingly dirty kitchen could not take away the touching expression on Iruka's face when both Naruto and Sasuke stood guiltily in front of him. But even the kind Iruka-sensei would not let them try again, not without supervision, and had punished them by making them clean the place thoroughly.

Kakashi thought that if it was anyone else, Sasuke wouldn't even let him or her touch him in the first place.

Iruka was priceless and rare and Kakashi was so lucky to be the one Iruka wanted.

"But Iruka-sensei," Naruto protested. "He deserved it! Just this morning, he deliberately came four hours late to make me wait even though I had purposely come late so that I would arrive the same time he did!"

Kakashi laughed and Sasuke muttered the word 'idiot' repeatedly.

Iruka looked at Naruto with amusement. "So, are you saying that you were late too? Shall I scold you as well?"

Naruto spluttered indignantly but could not find the words to defend himself. "I…I…" Then he glared at his impudent and still laughing jounin sensei.

Without warning, Naruto reached down for a slice of the cake that Kakashi had bought that evening and threw it hard at Kakashi. Kakashi saw and dodged effortlessly.

It would have ended just like if the cake hadn't flown past Kakashi and landed on Sasuke's face. With an ominously loud SPLAT!

The living room was disconcertingly quiet as all faces turned around to watch the cake drop piece by piece from Sasuke's angry face to his lap. Iruka's eyes went wide but to Kakashi's great amusement, he could see the twitching laughter that threatened to escape.

"Na…ru…to…" A deep growl rumbled from the seething boy and not even the guilty grin and a hand reached up to scratch blond hair could save Naruto.

"It wasn't my fault!" Naruto protested, looking around for anything to protect him from the upcoming Uchiha wrath. "I was trying to shut Kakashi-bastard-sensei up and, and it's not like you were helping me!"

Sasuke glared at Naruto while his hand reached down to scoop up a handful of cake.

Kakashi sighed. This would not go well. He knew he should have just bought plain, butter cake instead of this elaborate cake with lots of icing on top. So much for trying to impress Iruka.

"And here I am, trying to save both of us mind you, and you don't even…" Naruto's rant was abruptly interrupted. The cake flew across the table and landed with equal force on Naruto's face.

Naruto spluttered and looked at Sasuke in disbelief. A prolonged silence settled between the two rivals; Naruto, with his wide disbelieving eyes, and Sasuke, with the ghost of a satisfied smirk on his face.

Then, "Sasuke-BASTARD!!!"

Which was replied by the customary, "DOBE!!!"

Within seconds, not only cake flew all over the table but also the yakisoba that Iruka had made along with angry curses and shouts. The whole living room was in utter chaos within seconds.

Usually, Iruka would shout on the top of his lungs to stop this madness. Usually he would produce a clone and drag the troublesome boys away to tie them somewhere far and high – away from the civilization of humans. But tonight, Iruka had been so happy, no longer lonely and felt like he was the luckiest man alive to be here.

And so, Iruka laughed; loud and clear and it caused all the rest of them to gape at the usually serious, strict sensei be, not angry, but amused.

Iruka laughed until tears tickled at the corner of his eyes, until his face flushed.

By Gods… Kakashi thought. Iruka was so goddamn beautiful like that – with happiness surrounding him, coloring his face with beckoning flushes. He knew then that Iruka was born to love and be loved. Kakashi nearly reached out his hands to pull the laughing sensei to him and kiss the lips; to taste the joy.

Naruto was the one who recovered first, so, with a big smile – all traces of previous anger gone – he took another handful of cake and threw it at Iruka.

Iruka gasped as the cake landed unceremoniously on his face.

"Naruto," Sasuke's eyes went wide at Naruto's bold action.

Naruto just laughed as he saw the mischievous glint in Iruka's eyes as said sensei stood up and reached for a morsel of pie that lay unfinished on the table.

"You asked for it, Naruto-kun!"

And thus, a messy and playful food fight broke out between all of them.

"Sasuke-kun, that was unfair! It wasn't me who threw that!" Iruka complained through breathless laughter.

"Well, Iruka-sensei, since Sasuke couldn't hit me, naturally he'd choose someone who is easi-"

"Are you telling me I'm an easy target?!"

SPLAT! And then, a pout outlined the mask-covered face amidst the icing and something that looked suspiciously like soba. "I was trying to say easier on the eyes."

"Liar!" Another splat, another laugh.

"Easily forgiving?" Kakashi provided hopefully.

"Liar!" This time, Naruto joined in as well and Kakashi resignedly took double cake-ammo.

"You are so going to pay for this, Sasuke," Kakashi growled as he threw the residue of cake on his face at the amused-looking boy.

Sasuke returned the pie that he was holding in his hand. Kakahsi evaded the projectile and it hit Naruto instead. "Sasuke-bastard! You did that on purpose!"

"It's just because you're so slow, dobe." Sasuke was openly smirking now.

"Don't call me dobe!" Another unknown substance flew.

"Dobe!" Sasuke returned the gesture with equal vigor.

"Bastard!"

"Idiot!"

"Hey, hey, don't include us in your lovers spat." Kakashi was _not_ being helpful.

"Kakashi-bastard!" A chorus of annoyed shouts was inevitably directed at the shameless jounin.

The rest of the night saw them running around for cover from all the flying cake, yakisoba, pie and other unidentified substances being flung; laughing until the whole old, previously sad house became aglow with happiness; playing like they were still unburdened children.

The rest of the night saw Iruka break out from his reserve; saw Kakashi taste a glimpse of a childhood joy that he had been denied; saw Naruto forget his feeling of isolation and saw Sasuke regain his forgotten smile.

The rest of the night saw them let go of the sadness and pain of the past.

And the rest of the night saw them bonding like a real… family.

* * *

"Goodnight, Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei." Sasuke stood in the doorway, feeling his previously lightened heart dropped with unexplained heaviness as he watched both of his sensei prepare to leave.

Iruka smiled. "Goodnight, Sasuke-kun. Good thing I made all of you clean up that awful mess." And then, a soft laugh escaped. "Though, I don't think I have ever felt this sticky in my entire life."

Sasuke and Naruto stifled a shudder when they remembered Iruka's infamous authoritative voice boom out as he made them clean the living room. Their respect for their sensei grew as they saw Iruka manage to make the lazy jounin clean the house as well. "Um… yes," Sasuke managed. "Thank you."

Iruka's eyes softened at the vision of Sasuke standing in the big doorway, in front of his even bigger house. Iruka had always thought of Sasuke as a lonely boy but now, with the dark, gloomy house looming behind the dark-haired Uchiha; Iruka realized just how lonely he was.

The urge to invite him and Naruto back to his house was strong because somehow, his teaching instinct told him that Sasuke didn't want any of them to leave him in this gloomy house. However, he also knew Sasuke would not appreciate either him or Kakashi volunteering to let him stay with him or thank him for the invitation.

As Iruka had known all the years he taught Sasuke, he knew the Uchiha pride was much, much stronger than his other weaknesses. Just like Naruto's stubbornness.

Therefore, Iruka only held out his hand and tentatively reached out for Sasuke. Even though he knew Sasuke despised touches, Iruka couldn't leave him with just words. With a brave soft tousle of Sasuke's hair and a soft chuckle, Iruka whispered kindly, "Well, I'll see you sometime tomorrow, I guess…"

It was the first time anyone had ever, ever wanted to touch his hair and dared to do so. Sasuke's head snapped up to look at Iruka's face in surprise. For a few moments, Sasuke watched Iruka's face, his dark eyes scrutinizing. The look on the sullen boy's face was indescribable.

"Sasuke-kun?"

Without words, Sasuke moved forward into Iruka's personal space and as quickly as possible, the dark-haired boy wrapped his arms around Iruka's waist and gave it a quick, tight squeeze and as he moved away kept his eyes down.

Even in the darkness of late night Iruka could see the dark blush creep up Sasuke's pale face.

Kakashi's eye was wide with disbelief and Naruto's jaw dropped open in surprise.

Iruka's sharp intake of breath had been audible when Sasuke had tightened his awkward hug but after that, he had recovered quickly. His smile widened at Sasuke's adorable attempt to show his gratitude and affection. Feeling brave enough, Iruka knelt down in front of the embarrassed boy and drew him close for another hug.

He held Sasuke for a full minute; until he felt Sasuke's awkward hands move upward to fist a handful of Iruka's kimono in each of his hands; until he felt Sasuke turn his face into the contour of his neck.

Until he felt Sasuke hug him back.

Then he whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Iruka was glad when he felt Sasuke's head move in agreement. It was then Iruka let Sasuke go.

When Iruka stood up once again, Naruto shook himself out of his shocked trance and clearly felt left out. He threw his arms around Iruka for his customary goodnight/goodbye embrace, almost toppling both Sasuke and Iruka.

The position was somewhat awkward with Iruka trying to hold both of the boys but Naruto's hug was tight and Sasuke's grip was secure. Iruka was not going to let either of the boys go just yet. He savored the feeling of fullness when he had an armful of boys, loving the attention he was given and generously giving back his own.

"Dobe, let go," Sasuke mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

"Nuh uh!" Naruto tightened his embrace; he didn't care who he hugged, just as long as he hugged someone. "You hugged Iruka-sensei longer than me. It's not fair!"

"Then let go of me and hug Iruka-sensei on your own!" Sasuke hissed.

"But then, I'd still have to let go!" Naruto argued back. "Not going to happen, bastard!"

"Idiot! Sasuke bristled.

"Asshole!"

Iruka, who was still squished between the two boys, felt the vein of irritation pop when his ears became the direct recipient of the loud insults thrown by both of the boys. "Alright, how about both of you…"

"Why are you still not letting go?!"

"No way in hell I'm following your orders!"

Before either of them could say anything else, Iruka brought his hands together to perform seals and suddenly, both Naruto and Sasuke found themselves tied to the electric poles facing each other.

Iruka stood with both of his hands on his hips. A sweet (evil) smile that caused both of the boys to swallow hard curved up. "Now, you both have ample time to continue your _conversation_ while figuring out how to untie those knots. And for your information, Sasuke-kun, I've improved the knots considerably."

"What!!!" Naruto wailed. "Iruka-sensei….!!!"

"Have a good night, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun." Iruka smiled again and turned around to drag Kakashi, who seemed to be frozen by the situation, out of Uchiha compound.

The scary smile immediately vanished the moment they stepped on to the main road. Iruka turned to face Kakashi, mouth open to say something but halted suddenly at the weird expression etched on Kakashi's face.

* * *

"Um…" Iruka hesitantly started. "Kakashi? Is something wro-" Iruka gasped when Kakashi suddenly darted his hand out to draw Iruka close, pulled his mask down and kissed Iruka in the middle of the deserted road.

The kiss was hard, prolonged and clearly long-awaited. Kakashi had been meaning to kiss the maddeningly beckoning young sensei all night, trying to imagine what happiness tasted like on Iruka's lips. Was it sweet or was it addictive? And with Iruka's lips responding so willingly under Kakashi's assaulting ones, Kakashi knew this taste was something that he would keep craving – for the rest of his life.

Iruka knew he should be used to Kakashi's sudden, untimely kisses but for every kiss that the jounin stole, Iruka was still startled. But the scent, the feel and the taste that came after were so familiar – comforting – that he didn't balk but responded to the kiss. Right now, as if his hands had a life of their own, one wove through Kakashi's hair and the other sneaked around Kakashi's waist, pulling the jounin closer.

A few moments later, Iruka pulled away from the kiss. Looking up at Kakashi, he asked breathlessly, "Do you want to come over?"

Kakashi growled at the interruption and pulled Iruka back into the kiss. Kakashi's kisses were bruising and desperate before he broke the kiss to answer huskily, "Definitely."

Then he kissed Iruka again.

When they arrived at Iruka's modest house, Kakashi couldn't help but recall that very night when he first saw Iruka in a new light. The night that changed his life – from a man who was hardened with blood and death to the man who was beginning to understand the beauties that life had to offer and learning to enjoy every second of it. That night, he had never imagined he would be this happy. He had never thought he would dare to dream of living beyond the life of a shinobi.

And now – tonight – with Iruka's hand tightly wrapped around his and Iruka pulling him playfully into his house, Kakashi could hardly believe he was finally here; at this moment. The moment where he was finally living; no longer just existing – living the life that Yondaime would have wanted him to have.

"Kakashi?" Iruka spoke. "What's wrong?"

Kakashi shook himself out of his musing and looked at the person – the precious person – who had made all of this happen. "Nothing's wrong." Kakashi smiled softly. "I've never felt this good before."

Iruka smiled brightly in return. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Iruka looked at the man in front of him. For the weeks that they had been together, they had yet to sleep together. Iruka was too shy to say anything and he thought that Kakashi didn't want to push him. Maybe Kakashi thought he had pushed Iruka into this relationship too fast and too soon that and he didn't want to push Iruka into doing something again.

Iruka had had a lot of time to think this over. It had been nearly over two months since Iruka had said yes and he had thought this through thoroughly. If they were to move to the next step in this relationship, this time, it would be Iruka who would have to indicate to Kakashi that he was ready – and that he was definitely willing.

Because for this to be a two way relationship, Iruka had to be the one who wanted and show to Kakashi that he wanted it.

However…saying that out loud was definitely out of question. When words were hard to find, Iruka could only use actions. Now that Iruka had finally completed reading the guide book, he wanted _it_ to be tonight. Iruka was confident enough in the love that they shared to trust Kakashi to not laugh at him.

Well, if Kakashi thought that tonight would be just like any other night of conversations and sake, he was going to prove the jounin wrong. Hopefully it would contain less conversation with even fewer drinks and more action. And Iruka hoped that awkwardness wouldn't pay him a visit tonight.

Iruka smiled a secret smile as he slowly backed away from Kakashi. Early signs of embarrassment and exhilaration colored his cheeks but Iruka had never been this sure and determined before. With his back facing his bedroom door and his eyes resolutely locked on Kakashi's visible blue eye, Iruka deliberately raised his hand to unfasten the dark blue ribbon and let his dark hair cascade down like black ink dribbled down his neck. He could see the way Kakashi's eye followed the movement of the dark tresses and Iruka felt his heart skip a beat.

His feet didn't stop retreating and Iruka let the secret smile became wider. He saw a response. A sign that he was doing something right.

Kakashi's heart stopped beating at the sight that Iruka made, smiling like that, before it pounded rapidly when he saw Iruka let down his hair. Kakashi dared not hope and yet, he was hoping that Iruka was giving him some sign that he was ready to take this relationship further.

Kakashi had never planned to push Iruka. The first time he did, he had almost lost Iruka to his hastiness. But, if Iruka kept on retreating to bedroom with a smile like he was inviting him to follow him, Kakashi didn't know if he could stop himself from pulling the sensei to the bed himself instead of being patient like he had promised.

Seeing Kakashi's intense eye watching him almost made Iruka come undone; he had always had a weakness for Kakashi's eyes – they fascinated him the most. Courage deserted Iruka then – the only thing that drove him to continue was the rush he felt when he saw that single blue orb darken into undiscovered passion. Iruka deepened his breaths, calming his jumping nerves and once again, he brought his hand to slightly loosen the sash so that he could slip the kimono off one shoulder effortlessly.

When one smooth, caramel-colored shoulder became bared, Kakashi instinctively moved forward and reached out for Iruka. He couldn't help himself. His hand touched softly at the spot between neck and shoulder before fitting in his fingers among the curves and caressing the length of the naked shoulder. For some unknown reason, Kakashi was completely turned on at the sight of Iruka's shoulders. Especially if Iruka's dark hair spilled over them. Kakashi wanted to bury his face amongst the hard flesh and the soft hair and admire the contrast.

Blushes inevitably arose, tinting Iruka's tanned cheeks when he felt Kakashi's touch. It was a simple touch but Iruka felt so possessed by Kakashi. Gathering his courage, Iruka reached back to touch the silk mask pooled around the other's pale neck. He felt the thundering beatings of the pulse beneath his fingers. Alive and so very attractive in the darkness – Iruka swallowed hard.

His hands were trembling when they slowly pushed Kakashi's silken kimono off both shoulders. As the pale, sleek pair of those broad shoulders came to Iruka's view, a pink tongue slipped out to moisten the suddenly dry lips. Anticipation and desire filled the room thickly and Iruka could both hear and feel the rumbling growl from Kakashi's chest.

Under the dimmed light of the room, the silver shuriken glinted invitingly from Kakashi's bared chest. Iruka's breath caught at the sight of the forgotten gift that he had given to the jounin – Kakashi was still wearing it like Iruka was still wearing the dark blue ribbon.

The gifts tied them together. Iruka would always be bound to this man – in heart and in soul. And soon in body too.

"Iruka?" Kakashi broke the silence around them. He noticed the difference between tonight and other nights and he had a pretty clear idea of Iruka's plans. Or he hoped he did. He held back his breath, letting hope rise so high even though he knew he shouldn't. "What are you doing?"

The blushes deepened. Iruka cast his eyes downward, as one of his hands reached down for the doorknob behind him. Turning it slowly open, Iruka pushed his bedroom door open with his back.

Then, Iruka raised his eyes to meet Kakashi's. Underneath the midnight-colored hair, Iruka's obsidian eyes called out for Kakashi. Softly, he whispered, "Spend the night with me…?"

A hot rush traveled throughout Kakashi's body at the request. This was the sign he was waiting for. The sign that Iruka was ready. The sign that Iruka had finally stopped hesitating, second-guessing himself, doubting himself and the feelings they shared.

"Gods…" Kakashi murmured huskily as he brought himself nearer to the academy sensei, looking so young in his seduction and yet no less tempting. Kakashi cupped the strong jaw with both of his hands, looking directly into Iruka's eyes. "Oh Gods… I thought you would never ask…"

The blushes were bright and the smile that Iruka gave to Kakashi was wide. Iruka reached up to wrap his arms around Kakashi's neck. Kakashi supported Iruka with his own hands around his chuunin's waist. Kakashi's lips sought Iruka's in the dark and easily found them. Both of them stumbled awkwardly into the room before Kakashi nudged the door behind them closed.

Behind the closed door, echoes of laughter were heard.

And behind the closed door, they began to share their lives together...

* * *

A/N: I planned to end The Beginning with 'The Last Step' but I've forgotten to change the status to 'completed'. Silly, silly me. People ask whether The Beginning has finished or not and I thought that I couldn't change the status, not after a few months being up as work-in-progress. So, I wrote the conclusion for The Beginning because I miss writing Kakairu so much due to my master course (which eats my brain alive as well as my time) and also because you guys have given me such lovely reviews. Thank you for sticking up with me all through those times of slooowwww updates. I hope my writing hasn't rusted during the 'forced' hiatus.


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